


A Truly Magical Marriage

by bluecinderella4



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-06 21:58:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 53,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecinderella4/pseuds/bluecinderella4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion one-shots to the epilogue of my first story "He Married a Witch" based around my favorite episodes of "Bewitched".  Sorry the title sucks, I was kinda stuck on one. Pairing is Jeff/Annie but it does prominently feature the other characters as well.</p><p>Jeff knew things would never be normal since he married a witch, but he can't say exciting and magical things haven't happened since.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Not the Weirdest Thing to Happen Today

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [He Married a Witch](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/19320) by bluecinderella4. 



> Decided I really want to do a few more ficlets based off of some of my other favorite Bewitched episodes. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then I strongly suggest you read my first Community fic He Married a Witch or at least the epilogue chapter.
> 
> If you don't want to read it (I understand, it's long, people don't like to be told to do things like read) then all you need to know is it's sorta based off of the movie I Married a Witch. Annie, Britta, and Shirley (and Pierce before I killed him off) were 17th century witches who came to the present and seek revenge on the descendant of the man who burned them- who happens to be Jeff. Things get complicated when Annie falls in love with Jeff, they get married, he falls in love with her and learns she's a witch, there's a showdown, another wedding, and boom she's pregnant. The epilogue is a little Bewitched throwback where they find out their kid's a witch and then there's an alternate ending where it's revealed everything you just read was from the mind of Abed.
> 
> That should sum it up.
> 
> But ignoring the alternate ending of that story, I still wanted to try these little ficlets based off of my favorite episodes examining Jeff and Annie's married life and her trying not to be magic leading up to the birth of their baby. Why? Clearly, I have nothing better to do with my time and I like ripping off classic television.
> 
> This one is ripped off from the episode "A Very Special Delivery" and I started it with dialogue from the epilogue chapter.
> 
> Please enjoy.

_"Oh, no you won't," Annie denied Britta's request. "I can't trust you alone with Jeff since that one time you made him pregnant."_

_"For the last time he only had pregnancy symptoms and I did it to teach him a lesson," Britta defended._

_"That was funny," Abed didn't show emotion as he remembered that incident._

.......................................................

This seemingly humorous series of events started the morning after Jeff and Annie's second wedding. Unbeknownst to everyone else, Annie had informed Jeff that she was carrying his child. After some discussion, the couple decided that their friends didn't have to know rightaway—Jeff even argued their friends didn't have to know in general. This was something very special for the newlyweds and they should take the time to enjoy the good news just the two of them.

Yes, the man who didn't want to have anything to do with children was over the moon about the impending birth of his first child. Why shouldn't he be? He was in his mid-thirties, he was financially secure, and he was starting a family with the love of his life. Things for Jeff and Annie moved pretty fast anyway, so starting a family just three months into marriage wasn't that big of a deal.

So on this Monday morning, Annie was resting comfortably in a sound sleep when the sound of a thud, followed by a bunch of expletives, woke her up. "Jeff?"

Jeff hopped over to the bed and sat beside her, "Morning. Sorry I woke you up."

"What did you do?"

"Let's just say my foot had an uncomfortable run-in with the leg of the bed."

"Oh, do you want me to-"

"No!" Jeff knew where she was going with this. "I uh…I barely even felt it."

Annie shrugged this off and looked at the bedside clock. "Oh my God, Jeff! I should have been up an hour ago."

"Ah-ah-ah," Jeff raced over to her side of the bed and guided her back down, "I'll go make us breakfast, and you lie back down. You need your rest you know."

"I already got my rest. I'm not tired."

"Yeah right, pregnant women are always tired."

"Well, I'm not." Annie nearly bounced out of bed.

"Should you really be getting up like that without stretching?"

"I'm fine."

"What, no backache either?"

"The doctor said I was barely three months along. She said if I didn't experience certain things now then I would probably have to deal with them later."

"I thought it was weird when you didn't throw up this morning."

"Jeff, I'm fine."

"So no mood swings either."

"Face the facts Winger: I don't have any symptoms of pregnancy." Jeff narrowed his eyes to her chest area. "Well, okay, maybe just one."

"Well you are a witch; maybe you won't get any symptoms. Plus Winger children are perfect so maybe you'll have a perfect pregnancy."

"First off, there's no such thing as a perfect pregnancy. Even witches can experience pregnancy the same way mortals do. And I highly doubt all Winger children are perfect."

"And you would know this how?"

Annie playfully shoved him. "You're incorrigible."

"Say what you want, but I'm still perfect."

"Shut up and go make breakfast."

…

"Good morning all," Shirley pleasantly greeted as she entered Casa de Trobed—which needed a name change since Britta made herself a permanent roommate. "I thought I'd come by and make you all a nice homemade breakfast," she got no response. Shirley sighed in exasperation. This had become a routine now. She would show up around eight o'clock (nine o'clock on Saturday) wide awake to make a homemade breakfast and none of them were awake. You'd figure they'd all be used to this by now as Shirley magically took out an air horn and blew it, causing everyone to stumble into out of their respective rooms in fear, and then in annoyed ire. "Good morning." Each of them let out annoyed moan.

"Shouldn't you be at Church or something?" Britta questioned after she let after a massive yawn.

"Yes, well due to some unforeseen circumstances with our pastor I won't be attending church for a while. Plus I don't know if you've checked your calendar but it's Monday. Now I let you all sleep in long enough, come have some breakfast," Shirley made the homemade breakfast appear by magic.

"You're just lucky we like pancakes," Troy remarked as he helped himself to a plate of pancakes.

"I also came by to ask what everybody's plans were for today."

"TV," all of them answered in unison.

"Oh. Oh, well that sounds…uneventful. As for myself I won three passes for a free spa day in my church raffle. I was hoping that I could convince at least Britta to come with me."

Britta glared at her. "Why? Just because I'm a girl I automatically want to be treated to a free spa treatment. Well for your information, that's sexist."

"So that's a no?"

"Oh no, I want to go; I like things that are free."

"What about you Troy?"

"It sounds nice, but I only wanna go if Abed or Jeff's going," Troy declined. "I don't wanna be the only guy going in a group of women."

"I can fix that," Britta mumbled.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Troy had heard her vague mumbling.

"Well, ever since I got my magic back it's actually improved. I can do things I've never done before."

"You too?" Shirley breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought I was the only one. I learned that the hard way after what happened to the pastor."

"Shirley, what exactly happened to your pastor?"

Shirley waved her hands and a plate of bacon appeared. "Bacon, anyone?"

…

Jeff helped Annie sit down at the table before going over to the counter. "I actually did some research this morning on what you should have for breakfast."

"Did you now?" Annie raised her eyebrow to him. "Since when do you do research?"

"Since I learned you're carrying what's sure to be the most perfect kid ever inside you."

"Ah, since yesterday."

"Anyway, I made you breakfast," he got her breakfast ready for her. "You got your orange juice for Vitamin C, some grapefruit, cereal and milk, toast, and…" Jeff removed the napkin covering the plate as if it was a surprise.

"A pickle? For breakfast?" She picked up the pickle. "Well, it certainly is a surprise."

"What gives? Every expectant mother craves pickles."

"Where are you getting all your facts?"

"Common knowledge and experience."

"So you've been pregnant before?"

"Well if you don't want the delicious kosher product-"

"Oh no, I'll eat it. I don't like letting food go to waste."

"I thought so."

"But this isn't a craving."

"Sure it isn't."

"It isn't!"

"Fine, whatever," Jeff poured himself coffee as Annie ate the pickle. "Ugh, I never understood the appeal of a pickle besides its use for penis jokes."

Annie rolled her eyes. "I was never allowed to eat pickles."

"Why? You Jewish? Edison does sound like a Jewish last name."

"I don't know. Pierce just never let me eat them." Annie shrugged as she finished the food and stood up.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting butter for my toast."

Jeff got up and sat her back down. "Allow me."

"Are all expectant fathers like this?" Jeff just smirked at her. "Jeff, please don't spoil me. I can do things for myself you know, I'm not an invalid. I'm not even that far along where I can't do certain things."

"Annie, are you aware of all the work you're doing carrying our baby? Not to mention when it's actual time to have it. It's called labor for a reason."

"Oh, so you're spoiling me out of guilt?"

"And out of love," Jeff gave her a kiss. "Just take it easy okay."

"Jeff."

"Yeah?"

"Can you get me the butter now?"

"Sure," as he opened the fridge, the tub of butter levitated out of the fridge and onto the table. "Well, I guess that's one way of taking it easy."

"Jeff, I'm not doing this."

With a finger snap, Britta and Shirley were in the kitchen. "Oh great, it's the ladies who never knock."

"We indicated our presence," Britta jested back. "We heard Annie wanted butter so we got it for her."

"What else did you hear?"

Britta suspiciously raised an eyebrow to him. "Why?"

"I don't appreciate gossipy witches eavesdropping on private conversations I have with my wife."

"What are you hiding Jeff Winger?"

"I know you didn't call us gossipy witches," that was the remark that had gotten Shirley stirred.

"Ladies," Annie was obviously going to be the one to change the topic, "what brings you here?"

"I won three free spa day passes in my church raffle and I thought we could make it a girl's day out."

"Well, it sounds nice. What do you think Jeff?"

Jeff finished swallowing his coffee. "I'm not one for spas and, last I checked, I wasn't a girl."

"I meant do you mind if I go with them to the spa?"

Jeff sucked air through his teeth. "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't; I don't want you on your feet all day."

"I sincerely doubt she'll be on her feet all day," Britta replied back. "And just because you're married doesn't mean you get to answer for her."

"Oh, go start a protest or something hippie."

"Why I oughta-"

This time Shirley was the one to intervene. "Britta, they did just get married after all and I'm sure they'd like to spend some time alone without us."

"They got married months before yesterday and they had all that time to themselves."

"Britta, really, I don't want to go," Annie politely declined. "I actually have some reading I have to do."

"Reading?"

"But have fun without me, okay."

"Annie-"

"Well, if you're sure," Shirley waved her hand and she and Britta were gone.

…

Back at Casa de Trobed, Shirley headed for the phone. "I'm sure Craig would enjoy going instead."

"What gives?" Britta's tone seemed demanding. "Why are we back here?"

"The only reason we went over there was to ask Annie if she wanted to come with us, but she doesn't want to go."

"Yeah, but there's something they're not telling us. Something that Jeff obviously wants to keep private."

"And we need to respect their privacy. Now I'm going to call Craig and-"

"You know what: I'm not going with you."

"You're not?"

"Nope, I'm going to stay home with Troy and Abed and catch up on Inspector What's-His-Name."

"Hold up," Troy made his way over to the women, "so there are gonna be two guys going instead of two girls?"

"Well, I'll have to call and ask Craig," Shirley pointed out, "and if he can't go then it'd be just the two of us." Shirley started dialing his number. "Hello Craig…it's Shirley…are you busy…well, I have three passes to a free spa day and I was wondering if you would like to come…oh that's nice…no, no we'll pick you up…bye-bye Craig." Shirley hung up and addressed Troy and Britta. "Craig Pelton will be joining us on our spa day."

"Cool! Imma go get ready," Troy ran to his room.

"I'll meet you outside your apartment building," Shirley called to him before disappearing.

"Do you really wanna watch _Inspector Spacetime_?" Abed's voice appearing out of nowhere gave Britta a fright. "I think you have ulterior motives."

Britta calmed herself down before talking. "Something is definitely going on at Jeff and Annie's and Jeff doesn't want us to know."

"I know what's going on."

Britta's eyes widened. "You do?" Abed nodded. "Jeff told you, didn't he?"

"No, I figured it out by myself. Plus everything you've said pretty much confirms it."

"Confirms what exactly?" Abed said nothing. "Tell me!"

"I have a feeling this is something they're going to tell us eventually, but not right away. If you still haven't figured out from context clues I'll tell you after we watch some _Inspector Spacetime_."

Britta groaned. "Fine! But you better tell me."

"I will after I play episode twenty-four. That episode should definitely give it away."

"Okay, what episode are we on?"

"Episode nine."

"Are you serious?"

"Good thing these are only half hour episodes."

…

"Knock, knock," a guy with a hole in his hand was knocking on Jeff's office door.

"Well, well, well look who survived his 'fatal shark attack'," Jeff quipped as he stood up to shake (good) hands with Ted.

"I tell ya Alan will say anything to get a promotion," Ted sat down in a chair across from Jeff's desk, "but he did say you and Slater broke up."

"Ancient history."

Ted gestured to the band of gold around Jeff's left ring finger. "So I see we've since moved on. You got a picture of the little missus?"

"Now that you mentioned it I don't. Not yet anyway."

"No wedding pics?"

"Our first wedding wasn't much of an occasion for pictures and the photographer at our second wedding sucked."

"Why'd you hire the guy?"

"Because she was my wife's best friend for God knows what reason and she never worked a digital camera in her life. I humored her. Anyway, I have no pictures yet but trust me when I say she's gorgeous. Oh, and I got the birth announcement your wife made you e-mail everybody, congrats."

"Yeah, I got a kid now."

"So your wife had a goat?"

"Very funny Jeff."

"Boy or girl?"

"Boy, and since when do you care? You never cared about kids." Jeff's casual shrug came with a sly smirk. Ted understood and let out a hearty laugh. "So your wife's got a bun in the oven huh?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny that."

"Mum's the word, huh? Alright, I won't tell."

"I know there's a catch. What do I have to do to ensure you won't tell?"

"Just take a few things off my hand that I don't need."

"Like?"

"Books mostly on impending fatherhood—crap I didn't think I needed, but turned out to be helpful. I've got them in a box in the trunk of my car."

"Uh…yeah, sure, thanks Ted."

"Now that I think about it, I do have a book in my office right now. It's a book on how better it is for a woman to be active during pregnancy."

"Sounds thrilling."

"Read it, it's a real eye-opener."

"I'm sure it is."

"And I know you're trying to keep it quiet for now, but show a little enthusiasm. It's not every day a guy like Jeff Winger becomes a dad."

"Well good for this Jeff Winger guy whoever he is."

"And knock it off with the sarcasm or I'll dock your pay."

…

"Ooh la la this place looks fancy," Craig commented as he parked his car in the spa parking lot.

"I bet it costs like a hundred dollars just to get through the door," Troy remarked as he got out of the car. "It is in a pretty ritzy part of town."

"Do people still use that term 'ritzy'?" Troy shrugged at Craig's query. "I hope it makes a comeback. _Ritzy_."

"Check it out, this place has rules even before you walk in the door," Troy pointed out the rules posted on the door. "Uh Shirley."

Shirley hurried over to him. "Yes, Troy?"

"Did you know this was a women's only spa?"

"What?" Shirley read over the list of rules. "…and last but not least, no men. Oh! Oh, I probably should have done some research."

"Well that kills my Monday Funday," Pelton lamented.

"Oh, we just have to get in there!"

"But this is a women only spa!" Troy reminded.

"Yes and these passes expire before my next day off," Shirley thought of what to do. "Well, I do have an idea."

"What?"

"Close your eyes both of you," the guys played along and closed their eyes. With a wave of her hand, Shirley accomplished what she had needed to. "Alright, I'm done."

Standing in lieu of two men were now two women identical to the men. "Done what?" Female Troy's eyes widened in terror. "Why do I sound like a girl?" The men looked at themselves. "I AM A GIRL!"

Female Craig did some posing. "I don't know, but something about this feels right."

Shirley held the door open. "Come along ladies."

"When I turn back into a boy I am so going to get my revenge," Troy vowed.

"That's nice, now hurry up and get in there."

…

Britta was a bit irritated at herself for not figuring out that at any point during _Inspector Spacetime_ she just could have magically done something to Abed or the TV to get Abed to confess faster. Eight hours worth of _Inspector Spacetime_ had now been cut to not even three hours. After she got the answer out of Abed, she poofed the both of them to the Winger kitchen where Annie was making lunch.

"You sneaky little witch," this was Britta's way of greeting Annie.

With a confused look back, Annie greeted Britta with, "If you wanted to come by for lunch you could have asked me earlier."

"For the record, I knew but I didn't tell her intentionally," Abed calmly blurted out.

"Knew what?"

Britta let out an annoyed groan. "Quit playing dumb Annie: Abed and I know you're pregnant."

"You know?"

"I for one am very excited," Abed commented without showing excitement.

"I should be excited by this but you're having Jeff Winger's baby," Britta commented.

Annie sighed. "Britta, I know you and Jeff don't really get along; but Jeff and I love each other and we're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah I know. If I can deal with your marriage, then I can deal with this."

"Yay!" Annie gave Britta a hug.

"Besides, there hasn't been a new baby in over three centuries and that was you. Now _you're_ having a baby and I'm going to be an aunt. And I'm taking no chances with this baby," Britta snapped her fingers and suddenly Annie was sitting down in a chair. "I want you to use witchcraft for everything."

"Britta, no. I want to experience this the way every woman does. I know it's hard for _you_ not to use witchcraft, but I'm trying hard not to use it myself." Annie smiled. "Besides, Jeff is barely letting me lift a finger."

"He's turned into one of those paranoid sitcom fathers who does everything for their wife," Abed deciphered

"I wouldn't exactly say 'paranoid', but I suppose he has. I think it's sweet that he wants to do everything for me. I actually called him home for his break so we can talk about finding a balance of what I should and shouldn't do. He should be coming in right about now."

"I'm home!" Jeff called as he entered the house.

"Speak of the devil," Britta muttered.

Jeff made his way into the kitchen. "Hello Annie and people who act as though they live in my house."

"Well, well, well if it isn't the proud papa himself."

"I'm not going to question how you know and assume you've been spying on me and my wife. Now if you don't mind Annie and I are about to have a conversation so leave."

"You didn't say it was private; I think we should be able to stay and add our opinion."

"Why you little-"

"Jeff, it's fine," Annie assured. "Can we just talk?"

"What about?"

"Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that you've been spoiling me, but I wanted to ask if you could let me do the things I'm used to doing as a mortal wife."

"Sure, do whatever you like."

"Really?"

"Hey, can you make me a sandwich?"

Annie looked at him confused. "I don't understand; earlier you wouldn't even let me get the butter from the fridge."

"I was wrong. Physical activity is good for you. I did some reading at work about it."

"Um…okay."

"No!" Britta prevented Annie from getting up. "Annie, you sit back down. What the hell Jeff? Make your own sandwich she isn't your slave."

"Really Britta, I don't mind. In fact I was just going to-"

"I just thought it would be good for her to be active so she isn't just sitting on her butt doing nothing," Jeff interrupted Annie before she could finish.

Britta folded her arms and sneered at him. "Well aren't you a considerate jackass you considerate jackass."

"My, my aren't we the queen of comebacks?"

And suddenly there was a full blown argument between Jeff and Britta with Annie in the middle and Abed on the sidelines. You had all that can be expected; yelling, obscenities, yelling obscenities, horrible insults, and poor Annie and her unborn baby were the reason for it. Eventually, Annie let out an upset shriek and ran out of the room in tears.

Jeff and Britta were going to chase after her, but Abed stopped them. "I think maybe I should take care of this."

Then came the simultaneous blame game. "Look what you've done! What I've done? This is all your fault! It's always your fault!" Annoyed noises then followed.

"None of this would be happening if you'd just mind your own business," Jeff barked.

"Well excuse me for caring about Annie," and then Britta had the decency to point out the obvious, "I've known her much longer than you, bub, and I'm only looking out for her best interests. Her mother died giving birth you know."

"Yeah, but that was before modern medicine and infant mortality were at high rates in the olden days. You should know that you survived the plague."

"For you information, I survived the plague twice. Back on topic: only Annie can really know what's best for her and the baby. You can't trust these so called doctors who write books."

"Books and personal experiences are all _I_ have to go on for this subject."

"Abed goes by the television shows."

"And they hardly get it right either. I'm not a seahorse or alien; I can't experience this for Annie or I would."

"You're only saying that because you're the cause of her becoming pregnant."

"Well I would hope so."

"If you had the opportunity, would you really go through this for her?"

"If modern science could come so far or if Annie somehow coaxes me into wearing one of those stupid sympathy bellies than yes, I would."

"Such a gentleman."

Abed came back into the kitchen. "Annie's calmed down now," he informed. "She wants to talk to you Jeff. Britta, she thinks it's best if we leave."

Jeff smirked at her. "Jeff one; Britta zero." He proudly went into the living room.

A sly smile crept on Britta's face. "We'll see about that," she snapped her fingers.

Abed looked at her with confusion. "What did you just do?"

"I evened the score a bit. Abed, I think I know what I did wrong last time. I wanna try that broadcast spell again."

"The spell similar to a crystal ball where you broadcast what's actually going on in the world with magic through a television set."

"A-yup."

"Why?"

"I think we'll both get a kick out of this spell's effects."

…

"That's why I wanted to sort this out," Annie carried on the conversation while preparing herself lunch. "I know that I have to be active, but I also need to take it easy." She turned to see Jeff entering the kitchen looking pale and with his hand on his stomach. "Are you okay?"

"Hm?" he decided to play it cool. "Yeah, I'm alright. I guess I'm catching a stomach bug."

"Maybe you should take the rest of the day off."

"Nah, I'll be fine. Now you were talking about finding a balance."

"I was doing some research of my own earlier. I think I want to sign up for birthing classes."

"Ugh, with people?"

"Not only will we be more social, but we'll be better prepared when it comes time for the delivery. Plus, I should interact with other mothers."

"Just so long as I don't have to."

"There are also exercises for pregnant women I'd like to try."

"Sounds like you've got everything figured out."

"I like to be prepared."

"I've noticed." He yawned, got up to pour himself some more coffee, drank the coffee, and then spat it out.

"Something wrong?"

"Coffee just doesn't agree with me this afternoon." He covered his mouth to cease anything from coming out. Alas, he had to retch out the remains of the contents in the nearby trash can.

"Okay, I'm calling you in sick."

"No! No, I'm fine. Don't do me any favors please. Besides, I have a meeting in an hour." He stood up and adjusted his attire. "Did you accidentally shrink the clothes in the wash again?"

"Not to my knowledge. Why?"

"My pants are kinda tight," he started to rub his lower back, "kinda puttin' a strain on my back there." He ignored this and yawned again.

"Jeff, really please stay home."

"I'll be fine," he gave her a goodbye kiss and left.

…

"That's rather cruel of you," Abed commentated as he watched everything that was happening with Jeff on his television, "but it is kinda funny too."

"I merely did this to teach him a lesson," Britta replied. "And this is what he wanted. He himself told me he wished he could go through this for Annie."

"So he's really having a baby?"

"No, my magic's not that powerful. I merely gave him the _symptoms_ of having a baby. They'll go away whenever we get bored."

"Hmm," Abed watched the TV for a few more minutes before inquiring, "Can we see what Shirley and Troy are doing?"

"Yeah, just click the channel up button on the remote." Abed did that and he and Britta watched as three women were getting mani-pedis. "Who are those ugly women with Shirley?"

"Troy and the dean; I guess Shirley didn't realize that was a women's only spa." He stared at the screen for another moment before announcing, "I'm bored again."

"But…but I wanna see Lady Troy."

"Why? It's essentially the same as regular Troy except with real boobs. I'm more interested in pregnant Jeff."

Britta groaned. "Fine, pregnant Jeff it is." Abed pushed the channel down button and resumed watching Jeff at his office.

…

Ted entered Jeff's office in a rush. "Come on Winger, they're waiting in the conference room."

Jeff shooed him away as he looked down over some files at his desk. "Yeah, yeah just a sec."

"But they're here _now_."

"Don't rush me!"

"Sam Lewis isn't the kinda guy you wanna keep waiting."

Jeff slammed his hand on his desk. "And just what the hell is so important about him?"

"For one thing: he's an impatient son of a bitch who contributes some big funds for our firm."

Jeff let out a hysterical-like laugh and his voice became slightly more high-pitched. "Money, money, money; is that all you think about?"

"What else is there?"

"How about a person's feelings?" was Jeff crying? "What about my feelings Ted? I'm doing the best I can; I'm a human being not a machine!"

"Are you…you're crying!"

"Oh, so a person doesn't have the right to a good cry once in a while?" Jeff stood up in an angry huff. "You men are all alike you heartless…feeling-less bastards."

"Dude, what are you on?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What did you take to make you act this way?"

"Act what way?"

"Jeff, are you sure you're alright?"

Jeff regained composure. "Let's just get this meeting over and done with." He walked out of his office leaving Ted standing there in confusion.

…

"Mood swings," Abed commentated after swallowing popcorn, "nice touch."

Britta was reveling in this. "Isn't it?"

Abed changed the channel to reveal the ladies at the spa getting a facial, Lady Troy eating one of the cucumbers that rested on her eyes. "You'd figure Troy being turned into a woman would be funnier."

"Abed, change it back! I wanna see what happens at Jeff's meeting."

"Sure," he changed it back to Jeff.

…

A small meal of sandwiches and a complimentary pickle had been prepared for the meeting for each of the lawyers. In all honesty, the meal seemed to get all of Jeff's attention instead of Ted negotiating settlements with the opposing lawyers. Well, not the entire meal per se. "Brian," Jeff whispered to one of the lawyers, "you gonna eat your pickle?" Brian slid his plate over to Jeff telling him to help himself. That pickle was gone in two bites. "Ted," Jeff interrupted, "are you gonna eat your pickle?"

Ted gave him a confused look. "No. Why?"

"Because I want it," Jeff greedily took the kosher and devoured it.

"Anyway," Ted continued, "our client feels that-"

"Sam, are you gonna eat your pickle?"

"Yes I am," Sam confirmed, "but putting aside the differences it's best that-"

"You're not eating it."

"I'll eat it eventually."

"There's no since letting a fine kosher product such as that go to waste."

Ted was visibly annoyed by this point. "Jeff, it's just a pickle."

"Yeah, but it's just lying there waiting to be eaten and I want to eat it. I bet that bastard has no intention of eating it."

"I'll eat it when I'm ready," Sam assured through gritted teeth.

"Dammit man, I demand your pickle!"

"WINGER!" Ted tried to keep it cool. "Could I see you outside for a minute?" With a groan, Jeff got up and followed Ted out the door, but not before snatching the pickle off of Sam Lewis' plate. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"I don't know."

"Do you even like pickles?"

"No, but I just had to have that man's pickle! Dear God, that doesn't sound right no matter how you say it."

"Okay, normally I don't like when you guys leave early and don't come back, but in your case I'll make an exception. Go see a doctor, for everyone's sake."

"You think it's serious?"

"Earlier you were fine but then you come back with an upset stomach, a lower backache, mood swings, and this weird pickle craving. Geez, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were having the baby instead of your wife—and I still wanna see a pic of her for the hot wife contest."

Jeff laughed. "Thanks for the misdiagnosis Dr. Ted, but there's no way…" a sudden idea crossed Jeff's mind. "That sneaky little witch!"

"What?"

"I'll see you later Ted."

…

Humming a song she learned at Troy and Abed's, Annie finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher. She then tried to start it, but it wouldn't start. "Oh, not again." With a sigh (and a careful look around) Annie pointed at the finicky appliance and it magically started working again. "This will be our little secret." She smiled to herself and continued to hum the song as the house phone rang. "Hello?"

 _"Hi, you must be Jeff's wife,"_ the voice on the other end greeted, _"I'm Ted, your husband's boss."_

"Hello Ted, is something wrong with Jeff?"

_"That's what I was calling to find out. I sent Jeff to the doctor's a couple hours ago and I thought I'd check on him. I can't get a hold of his cell so I thought I'd try here. Is he home?"_

"No. What's wrong, what happened?" Annie listen intently as Ted described everything in detail. "Over a pickle? Jeff doesn't even like pickles."

_"That's what I thought. And then I coulda swore he said something weird after I made a joke about him having the baby instead of_ _you—congratulations_ _by the way."_

"Thank you."

_"I coulda swore he called you or someone else a sneaky little witch."_

Annie giggled, "Now why would he…" a sudden thought occurred in Annie's mind. "Never mind I understand why. Thank you for calling Ted," Annie hung up the phone. "I bet Britta has something to do with this."

Cue the appearance of Britta. "You'd win that bet."

"What did you do to my husband?"

"What he wanted. Jeff said he wished he could go through pregnancy for you and I made it so he could."

"You did _what_?"

"He deserved it after what happened earlier."

"I know he might have seemed rude, but he was only looking out for my best interests."

"So am I!"

"Britta, I know you want to help; but this isn't your baby, it's _mine_. You and Jeff need to understand that _I'm_ the one carrying it to term and _I'll_ decide what's best for me and the baby. Now I figured you and Abed have been spying on him so could you tell me where he is?"

"At the bar denying his precious alcohol for reasons I'm sure still remain unknown to him."

"You and I are going over there and you are going to apologize." Britta let out an agonized moan. "No 'buts', missy."

"Wow, you're gonna make a great mom."

"You really think so?" Annie regained focus. "Don't change the subject. Now let's go; I'm driving."

Britta groaned. "It was only a small pile up on the interstate, no one died."

…

"You haven't even touched your drink Jeff," the bartender observed.

"Yeah well, it's not good for the baby," Jeff quipped back.

"Oh, so the little woman is having a baby?"

"No, I am."

"Yeah, sure you are."

Not to raise suspicion, Annie and Britta entered the bar through the front door (after magically poofing behind the bar). Annie spotted Jeff instantly and went over to him. "Hi Jeff."

Jeff immediately put his arms around Annie and cried. "God, I'm having the worst day ever."

Annie patted his head as he sobbed. "There, there, it's okay."

"And do you know what the worst part is? I just realized that I'm gonna lose my figure," this caught the attention of a patron who entered the bar and sat beside Jeff.

"Jeff, you're only experiencing symptoms."

Jeff looked up at her. "I am?"

"Symptoms caused by Britta." Britta took this as a hint to step forward. "And Britta has something she wants to say to you."

Britta darted her eyes away from him. "Jeff."

"Britta," Jeff replied back.

"I'm sorry I made you pregnant," the person beside Jeff watched this with eyes wide and mouth agape.

"I suppose I'll accept your apology on the condition that you get me back to normal and you never do this again."

"No promises."

"Britta!" Annie also disagreed with this.

"Fine," Britta snapped her fingers, "there you're not pregnant anymore, and you never will be again unless it's done by science."

"Thank you," Jeff sarcastically thanked. "And could you leave the baby carrying to the women from now on?"

"It wasn't as if you were actually having a baby." Jeff raised his eyebrow to her. "Alright, fine."

Annie gave Britta a quick hug. "Thank you Britta." She took a deep breath. "I guess now that Britta and Abed know we should probably tell Troy and Shirley about the baby. Come on; let's go meet them at their apartment."

"Fine," Jeff stood up and got out his car keys, "but I'm driving."

Britta threw her hands in the air. "It was one small pile up!" She noticed every eye in the bar was looking at her. "No one died."

…

"I actually recommend that spa," a now male Troy told Abed as Troy gave Abed a facial. "It was so worth being turned into Troyella just to get a massage from Hector. Oh, but that whole deal with Shirley turning me into a woman, that never happened okay."

Abed ate one of the cucumbers. "It wasn't the weirdest thing to happen today."

Shirley walked past them. "I feel so refreshed that I think I'm going to make brownies."

"Yeah, you do that," Troy called to her before continuing on with Abed. "I'm not gonna lie, but I totally played with my fake real boobs in the sauna. They're really fun to bounce." Abed shrugged and ate the other cucumber.

Annie entered the apartment after tapping on the door. "Knock, knock."

"Yeah, see unlike you people we have the decency to knock," Jeff followed her in and Britta came in behind Jeff.

"Hello Annie. Hello Jeffrey," Shirley greeted. "I was just about to make brownies."

"Fun," Jeff noticed Troy giving Abed a homemade spa treatment. "Do I _want_ to know?"

"I don't know how to explain this without making it sound gay," Troy explained.

"Surprisingly, that isn't the weirdest thing that's happened today."

"What do you know?"

"Yeah…I have no idea what you're getting at so why don't you go back and give your boyfriend a manicure."

"So how was your spa day?" Annie inquired.

"NOTHING HAPPENED!" Troy cried out.

"Oh-kay then."

"It was fun and that's all I'm saying about that."

"Well," Annie looked at Jeff, "I actually have something to say." Jeff gestured for her to go on. "I just wanted to let you guys know that in about six months you're going to have a niece or nephew." Shirley and Troy dropped what they holding as Britta rolled her eyes and Abed just casually stared. "Jeff and I are going to have a baby."

Shirley clapped her hands with delight. "Oh, that's super nice."

Troy sniffled. "I'm going to be an uncle; even though it's not technically a legitimate uncle it still counts!" He ran over to Annie and gave her a hug, and soon Shirley and Abed joined in.

Britta patted Jeff's shoulder. "I'm real happy for you guys. Congratulations"

"Thank you, Britta," Jeff's response was as sincere as hers.

"You'll be a…decent father."

"And you…yeah." Britta rolled her eyes again. "Thanks again for the compliment. And I suppose I should thank you for trying to teach me a lesson."

"Seriously?"

"It is kinda my fault for saying what I said about going through it for Annie around you."

"Jeff Winger admitting fault? I could get used to that."

"Be a good little witch and make yourself disappear," Britta playfully hit him as Annie went over to Jeff. "How you feeling?"

"Jeff," Annie whined his name, "please don't go back to spoiling me like before."

"I'll try."

"We have a long way to go. If you do keep spoiling me you're going to be tired by the time the baby comes. You don't have to keep waiting on me, I feel fine."

"Yeah now you do; but I know exactly how you feel as everything progresses."

"I suppose you do."

"I guess that makes me a man in a million."

"Big deal!" Jeff looked at her with surprise, and she smiled back. "I've always known that."

That's when Jeff leaned in and kissed his wife. As soon as he pulled away he tried to be serious. "Yeah, but that whole thing about Britta knocking me up stays just between us."

…

"Why do you want me to do this?" Britta asked her roommates after everyone had left.

"Don't ask just snap," Troy ordered.

"Fine," she snapped her fingers and Troy and Abed into women. "You're now _Troyella and Abette_."

Abette started to play with her breasts. "Cool. Cool, cool, cool."

"Did you have me turn you guys into women so you could play with your own boobs?"

"Don't question us," Troyella reprimanded. "This is the closest Abed and I are ever going to get to a female sleepover and we thank you not to ask us what us ladies are going to do."

"I'd ask to be invited, but I'm actually kinda freaked out," Britta left the two of them alone and went to her room.

And there the former guys stood in awkward silence for a moment. "Now what?"

Abette shrugged. "I dunno. I have no definitive idea what girls do at sleepovers."

"Oh." Again with the awkward silence. "Can I touch your fake real boobs?"

"Sure," Troyella did that, and soon Abette found herself doing the same to Troyella's.

And this was the image Britta saw when she came out to go to the bathroom. "Ugh, get a room," the others didn't notice her as she went off mumbling.

Troyella and Abette stopped what they were doing as Abette had another idea. "Now we should watch a movie with a shirtless Ryan Gosling and practice kissing him by kissing the TV when he's on screen."

Troyella gasped with delight. "You always know what's on my mind."

They did their typical handshake and chorused, "Female Troy and Female Abed."


	2. Mr. Personalities Takes a Vacation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going in particular episode order- I'm picking the plots of my favorite episodes and putting them into coherent Jeff/Annie one-shot chapters leading up to the birth of their baby.
> 
> This one is based off of the one where Sam & Darrin were supposed to go on vacation but a work-related thing for Darrin comes up so Endora splits Darrin into two sides; one fun to go to Miami with Sam and the other a serious workaholic to stay at home.
> 
> Easily the most fun premise right? Well because I'm sorta writing these like actual episodes- and because I love featuring the group- I also created a subplot for you Britta & Troy fans featuring the return of Subway aka Rick and one of them getting jealous

"I work too hard," Jeff randomly stated in the middle of the night.

Thankfully, his five month pregnant wife wasn't sleeping. Annie was propped up in bed reading a book on labor. "Well that seems very unpleasant."

"Did you even hear me?"

"Yes I did, Jeff."

"And you have no verdict?"

"I agree that you've been working a bit harder than usual, but I assume it's for added income."

"And because I'm the best lawyer that firm has got."

"You also agreed to pile on the work _now_ so you have more time off when the baby's born."

"Yes, but I'm still the best lawyer." Annie rolled her eyes at him. "You know: Abed said something weird to me a few days ago. Something about a 'babymoon'. I asked him what the hell he was talking about and he explained what it was."

"It's when an expectant couple travel to a usually exotic location for rest and relaxation before the birth of their child." She turned to him. "I read about it three books ago."

"Bookworm."

"Don't tease the woman who's carrying your child."

"Ouch, you played the Mom card. Pretty sneaky move there Mrs. Winger."

"Thank you, I learned from the best. Now why did you bring up a babymoon?"

"I was thinking maybe you and I could take one. I've got some vacation days coming up, why don't we fly off to Hawaii or someplace warm and beachy while you can still get on an airplane."

"That does sound nice. I think you've talked me into it. You set everything up okay."

"No prob."

"Wait."

"What? What's the matter?"

"What about everyone else?"

"What about them?"

"They're such a big part of our lives Jeff and we do a lot with them."

"We do _too much_ with them."

"I think we should invite them with us. They're going to feel neglected if they can't come and they'll be mad at us."

"No, they'll be mad at _me_ and not want to talk to _me_. That is a bonus."

Annie then made what Jeff called 'The Disney Face'. "Please."

"Oh God, not the Disney Face." Jeff tried to look away, but he couldn't. "Fine," he gave in, "but they have to pay their own way."

"Yay!" Annie gave him a big hug. "I promise I'll spend all of my time with you though."

"Good," he gave her a kiss, "but I know I'm going to regret this."

"Who knows? This vacation might be good for us," Annie put a hand over her more expanded stomach. "And maybe the baby will finally kick."

Jeff groaned at this. This had to have been the tenth time this week she mentioned this. "Sometime around the fifth month, Babe; just be patient."

"I read you can start feeling the baby kick at twenty weeks and my twentieth week is almost over. Am I such a terrible mother that my own child won't kick me?"

"Usually a child would want to kick if the parent _was_ terrible," Annie scowled at him. "I'm just trying to shed some humor."

"Well don't."

"I'd make a joke about how we both need this vacation, but you don't want me to be funny. Can we find a new topic of discussion?"

"Why don't you want to find out the sex of the baby?"

A noise of annoyance escaped him. "Everyone does that nowadays; why not rebel?"

"You know how I like to be prepared."

"You also like to be surprised."

"I can still read your mind Jeff."

"That's still creepy Annie."

"You're so sure it's a boy."

"Look at the facts; every Winger man always has a son even if they only have one child. Usually it's the firstborn that's a boy, but there have been some exceptions."

"I think that was to coincide with my now broken curse of all Winger men having miserable marriages. You can't really be sure we're having a boy."

"Couldn't you use your magic to find out anyway?"

"I could, but I haven't."

"See, you want to be surprised."

"And you want a boy."

"I didn't say I wanted a boy. Don't get me wrong, that would be cool, but I don't care what we have as long as it's human."

"Of course it'll be human."

"You know what I meant."

"Magic or non-magic?" Jeff nodded. " _That_ I wouldn't be able to tell you. I didn't get my magic until I was two so if our baby is half-magic then it would probably take some time before we find out."

"Usually parents debate over future education plans for their kid but here we are discussing whether or not our kid will be a witch."

"Or warlock."

"Either way, he or she could seriously have a career as a magician." Annie playfully slapped him. "Tell me it's not a good idea."

"It's not a good idea."

"Buzzkill."

"But you love me."

"Yeah, I do," the couple kissed again.

…

When Shirley entered the apartment the next morning, she was pleasantly surprised (and also startled) by three excited noisemakers going off. "You all seem happy. What did you do?"

"We've decided on a name!" Troy proudly proclaimed.

"For what? Did you get a pet?"

"Where have you been the last few months? Since Britta moved in we can't keep calling this place Casa de Trobed."

"Though it was originally called Chez Trobed," Abed added.

"Yeah, but it sounded way too fancy. I personally like Spanish better than French anyway."

Britta stepped in between the boys and put her arms across their shoulders. "But now our place is called…"

"CASA DE BRITROBED!" the three roommates shouted before blowing on their noisemakers.

"Oh?" Shirley just smiled. "Well...I like how it incorporates all of your names."

"That was the point," Britta point blankly told her.

"Don't get snippy with me this morning missy."

" _Snippy_?"

"Anywho," Shirley sat at their table, "I came by to see if you all had plans tonight."

"Why are you so interested in what we do? Don't you have a life?"

"Don't make me give you a tail again."

"If you must know: Troy and I are going to see that new movie where-"

Troy interrupted her by sucking air through his teeth. "Actually, I can't go with you."

"What? Why?"

"The author of our favorite book series is in town for an autograph session and it's only for today."

"Oh. Okay, how about we see it tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is the unveiling of _Jurassic Shark_ at the museum," Abed informed. "It's also a onetime only deal."

"The day after tomorrow?"

Troy pulled a day planner out of his pocket just as Abed did. "Actually, our schedule is pretty booked."

"So Britta," Shirley indicated her presence, "no plans then?"

Britta sighed in exasperation. "What are you doing tonight, Shirley?"

"Well, I met a nice fellow named Andre and we're going out to dinner tonight."

"I should care about this because?"

"He suggested a double date."

"So you decided to bother me?"

"You are single, you are female, and Andre has a coupon for four so it's essentially free and you like free stuff."

"I do like free stuff. What's the name of the guy I'm going out with?"

"His name is Rick and he works at _Subway_."

"Just one date?"

"Unless things go well."

Britta looked at Troy, but Troy was too busy doing something with Abed. "You know what," Britta took this opportunity to talk loud enough for Troy to hear her, "I'd love to go on a date with that Andre guy."

"Rick."

"Bottom line: I'd love to go on a date with him. You don't mind Troy?"

At the mention of his name, Troy looked at her. "You say somethin', Britta?"

"I'm gonna go find something nice to wear for my date with Rich."

"Rick," Shirley corrected.

"You don't mind that I'm going on a date with someone else do you Troy?"

Troy smiled reassuringly at her. "No, it's cool. Have fun." Without saying another word, Britta huffed to her bedroom with Shirley following. "What's her problem?"

"It's a classic jealousy episode," Abed started to explain. "You and Britta obviously have romantic feelings for each other and she's jealous that you've been doing a lot with me while you and her have only been on one official date."

"Yeah, and that didn't go so well."

"Anyway, she's trying to make you jealous but it doesn't seem to be working and she's miffed by that. Personally, I don't care who you choose to spend time with. I know that no matter what we'll still be best friends."

"Best friends forever."

"And I know this may sound mean, but Britta doesn't exactly have the best track record with dates. I know her date won't work out and she'll need someone to comfort her. We'll be back by the time her date's over and she'll most likely seek you out."

"I like spending time with Britta here or with you. It's just when we go out just the two of us, she doesn't seem to like to do what we like to do."

"We're all gonna have to adjust to each other's interests if this place will remain Casa de Britrobed."

Meanwhile, Shirley joined Britta in Britta's room for a girl chat. "Can it be any more obvious that you have feelings for Troy?"

"Not to him," Britta responded.

"Then maybe it's a sign that you two wouldn't pair up romantically. The boy spends ninety percent of his time with Abed anyway."

"I don't know why I'm so jealous of Abed. He's Troy's best friend and they have like a ton in common and I respect that. But you're right; Troy would rather spend whatever free time he has with Abed than me and that makes me like weirdly jealous. God, I hate having girly emotions."

"Maybe things will work out with Rick from _Subway_."

"Have you seen my track record with guys? This date is gonna be a guaranteed failure."

"According to Andre, Rick doesn't have much luck in the dating department either. And they say two negatives make a positive."

"In math, but who likes math?"

"Why do I bother helping you if you just give me attitude?"

…

"Why yes, obviously by my choice," Jeff sarcastically remarked as he spoke to Troy over the phone the following day. He listened for a few seconds before getting a relieved look on his face. "No chance on you or Abed coming? Such a shame, that's too bad, good bye." He hung up the phone and did a little celebration dance in Troy's declining of joining Jeff and Annie on their vacation.

"What are you so happy about?" Annie's appearance suddenly made Jeff stop in slight embarrassment.

But he was quick to regain a cool demeanor. "If you must know, Doc and Dopey will not be joining us on our vacation."

"You have a lot of unusual names for Troy and Abed." Jeff helped Annie sit down in a nearby kitchen chair. "What about Shirley and Britta?"

"Oh I have plenty of names for them too."

"I meant did you ask them?"

"Yeah, I'm not calling them."

"Jeff!"

"They're your friends, you call them. I called the guys, you call the girls. I don't have time anyway."

"But it's your day off."

"Yeah, I wish it was. Pete Weinstein fell down _another_ elevator shaft and he's gonna be out for a week the clumsy, yet lucky son of a bitch."

"Watch your language!"

"Well he is. Last time they gave his work to Alan and now it goes to me."

"We'll still be able to go on vacation, right?"

"I'm not gonna bull shit you…"

"Jeff!"

"Right, sorry, bull _crap_ you," that didn't seem to fare any better, "Anyway, in all honesty it all depends on what kind of work I'm getting; but if that's the case then I can't go."

"Oh."

"But that doesn't mean you can't."

"I don't wanna go without you."

"Not even if Britta and Shirley went with you?"

"This is supposed to be a babymoon where the baby's _parents_ get away for the vacation. If the baby's daddy can't go then what's the point of going?"

"You're sweet," he kissed her forehead, "but I want you to relax and have fun and I feel comfortable if Shirley and Britta went with you."

"Went with her where?" Shirley's voice was heard.

Jeff groaned. "You can stop eavesdropping and magically appear now." Shirley and Britta did that. "Is knocking a foreign thing for you guys?"

Annie brushed him off. "Jeff and I are supposed to be going on a relaxing vacation and I wanted to invite you guys to come so you didn't feel neglected."

Shirley grinned. "That's very nice of you Annie."

"But now it looks like Jeff might not be able to go and I don't want to go without him."

"And I told her I want her to go and relax as long as one of you two would go with her," Jeff concluded.

"I'll be happy to go with Annie," Shirley volunteered. "I think I would like a nice vacation as well."

"Are Troy and Abed going too?" Britta inquired.

"Jeff asked them but they said no," Annie told her.

"Figures."

"Oh Britta, I know you really like Troy-"

"Everybody knows you really like Troy," Jeff interrupted. "Scratch that, everybody _except Troy_ knows you really like Troy."

"Butt out Winger," Britta sassed him. "I actually don't care if they go or not."

"That's a load of bull."

"No, I really don't."

Shirley became excited. "Britta and I came over here to talk to Annie about our double date last night." With an annoyed moan, Jeff left the room muttering about his hatred of girly conversations.

Annie on the other hand was very much intrigued. "You guys went on a double date? Details! Details!"

"Well," Shirley sat across from Annie, "this nice man named Andre wanted to take me out to dinner and he said he had a coupon for a dinner for four so I could invite a friend. He said he was inviting his friend Rick and I asked if Rick was single."

"And he was?" Shirley squealed with excitement as she nodded feverishly. Annie watched as Britta calmly sat beside Shirley. "Britta?"

Britta sighed. "And I guess Rick and I kinda, sorta, hit it off and maybe I kinda, sorta, like him."

Annie's sudden scream made Jeff frantically run in the kitchen. "What? What's wrong?"

Annie blushed. "I'm sorry Honey, that was an excited scream."

"Jesus, Annie don't scare me like that."

"Jeff, Britta has a new boyfriend."

Britta scoffed. "He's not my boyfriend…" her eyes darted around the room, "…yet." This resulted in excited screams from Annie and Shirley.

Of course, Jeff was not interested. "Yeah, I give it a week; that is if the poor sucker even decides to pursue a relationship with Britta Buzzkill here."

"Oh," Annie shooed him away, "go to work or something."

"Fine," he gave her a goodbye kiss. "I'll see you later when hopefully the ugly stepsisters are gone." Shirley and Britta did not appreciate that remark as evident by their offended gasps.

"Ignore him," she told her offended friends. "Tell me more about Rick."

"Actually," Britta tried to find the right way to word the next part, "I was wondering if I could invite him with us on the vacation."

Annie smiled with excitement. "Oh my God, that would be awesome. I can't wait to meet your new boyfriend."

" _Potential_ new boyfriend," Britta coyly bit her lip, "and I can't wait for you to meet him either."

There wasn't really anything important to discuss after that. While Shirley and Britta opted to spend the rest of the day with Annie, most of their time was spent talking about their going ons around town and confessing whether or not they used spells.

"I mean, I use at least one spell a day," Britta admitted. "I can't kick the witchcraft habit."

Shirley let out a noise of guilt. "I may have used a spell to teach some rotten kids a lesson."

Annie took a minute to think. "I can't remember the last time I used magic. I am really trying not to." The phone suddenly rang. "Excuse me," Annie got up to answer the phone and left Shirley and Britta sitting.

Shirley noticed Britta smiling a sort of secretive smile. "Thinking about Rick?"

"Nope," Britta made sure Annie was distracted before leaning closer to Shirley. "When you were talking about Andre, I used my magic to figure out the sex of Annie's baby."

"Britta!"

"I couldn't resist. I know what she's having."

"Tell, tell!" Before Britta could tell Shirley, a mopey looking Annie came back in the kitchen. "Annie, Honey, what's the matter?"

Annie sighed. "Jeff won't be able to come on vacation with us." While Shirley sympathized with her, Britta seemed pleased with this. "He still wants me to go, but I don't know if I should."

"Annie," Britta began, "since when do you need Jeff to have a good time? You'll have us."

"I know, but I was going to spend my vacation time with him. I was really looking forward to us getting away for the week." A sudden thought made Annie freak out. "Oh my God, what if the baby finally kicks? Jeff won't be able to feel it!"

"It's just a kick."

"This is a huge deal for us, Britta!" she paced for a bit. "You know what, no, I'm not going. If Jeff can't go, then I'm not going."

Shirley frowned. "Oh Annie, this may very well be the last vacation you have for a while."

"Our plane leaves tomorrow afternoon, you two can take our tickets; no sense letting them go to waste."

"But Annie-"

"I'm going to go lie down. You two should go."

Shirley and Britta watched as Annie headed for her bedroom. "I feel really bad for them."

"Since when does Annie need Jeff to have fun?" Britta griped.

"Britta, she loves him. They're not going to have much relaxation time for themselves once the baby comes. Besides, Jeff has been working hard." Shirley sighed. "There must be something we—or at least _I_ —can do for them."

"You're siding with Jeff? Seriously? The cynical, sarcastic, Sargeant Serious?"

"I'm sure he's not like that all the time. I always hear Annie talk about how fun he is."

"Jeff Winger, fun?"

Shirley ignored Britta. "We should probably go."

"Yeah, I've got another date with Rick."

"Ooh girl."

…

Jeff busied himself in the den as Annie came in with some coffee. "Thanks for letting me know you were up," she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Sorry, I just thought I'd get a head start on this crap," Jeff looked over some files. "Ted gave me today and tomorrow off so I can get the important stuff done before a dinner with the client tomorrow. Geez, you won't believe how much of this Pete screwed up beforehand."

"I'm just sorry you have to take care of everything."

"I still wish you would go to Hawaii. Who knows, maybe I'd get done early and surprise you with a spontaneous appearance."

"No, that's okay I'll stay here with you. Which reminds me: I better go unpack."

"You do that," Jeff replied to her as she left.

He went back to his mindless work unaware of Shirley's sudden appearance. "Oh, I hope I do this right," she quietly spoke her thoughts aloud as she waved her hands. In a literal flash, one Jeff stayed sitting at the desk while another Jeff left the room. "Lord, I hope this doesn't backfire."

The Jeff that left the room danced his way into the hall and over to the stairs where he caught up with Annie. "Hey baby, aren't you a little overdressed?"

Annie was rightly confused. "Jeff?"

"Hows about you put on an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini?"

She cocked her eyebrows to him. "What's gotten into you?"

"Come on! Come on! Times a-wastin', Hawaii isn't gonna wait for us forever."

"What about your work?"

"Screw it. This is a rare opportunity for me to take my beautiful wife on a tropical vacation and _that_ is a little more important than stupid, boring, lawyer stuff."

Annie smiled. "Well, if this is what you want."

"Cool, cool, cool. I'm gonna pack a few more things," he whistled as he ran upstairs.

Annie kept the same smile on her face as Shirley made an appearance. "Looks like Jeff and I will be joining you on our Hawaiian getaway."

Shirley clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, that's nice."

"I'm pretty sure for Rick's sake Britta is taking a plane so could you tell her I'll meet her at the airport," Annie started walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to get some books for the plane ride."

"From where?"

"From the den."

Shirley became more anxious. "Do you really need to get books from the den?"

"Is everything okay Shirley?"

"Why don't I get the books for you? It's not a good idea to reach for things in your condition."

"I think I can handle this," Annie walked into the den to see Jeff working at his desk. "Jeff?" Jeff didn't answer her. "How did you get down here so fast?" Again, no response. "Jeff!"

Jeff turned around in ire. "Annie, please, I am trying to concentrate."

"Sorry, I'll just…concentrate on what?"

"On Pete Weinstein's case files; I assumed you already knew this."

"I did?" she said this more as a question. "Jeff, didn't you just run upstairs whistling?"

"Whatever gave you that foolish idea?"

"When you ran upstairs whistling."

"Then you need to get your eyes examined because I have been here the whole time."

"You have?" Annie noticed a fidgety Shirley standing in the doorway. When Annie glared at Shirley, Shirley let out a nervous laugh and started walking away. "Excuse me Darling, I have to deal with some pest control." Annie followed Shirley.

"Pest control?"

"Shirley, what did you do?"

"Hello Annie," Shirley spoke as if nothing happened. "Did you find the book?"

"No, I found my husband."

"Did you really?"

"Which is strange because I saw him go upstairs."

"Did you really?"

"Shirley, did you divide Jeff?"

Shirley began to talk all motherly toward her. "Oh Annie, I only did it for you. You do need this vacation and so does Jeff, and since you won't go without him I…well, I divided him."

"This seems like something Britta would do."

"That's who I got the idea from."

" _Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama_ ," Fun Jeff's horrible singing could be heard throughout the house.

"Annie!" it was evident Serious Jeff didn't really appreciate the singing as he stormed into the living room. "Annie, where is that singing coming from?"

"The radio," Annie lied.

"Funny, that doesn't sound like the Beach Boys."

"It's a live version."

"Well could you kindly turn it off? I have a great deal of work to do, and that is very distracting," Serious Jeff didn't even notice Shirley wave to him as he left.

"He does have two different personalities," Shirley observed.

"And I like it when they're combined," Annie reminded. "Shirley, please put Jeff back together."

"Alright, but hear me out: you two are not going to have a vacation just the two of you for a long, long time. You're always praising how hard Jeff works and that he deserves a vacation. You're going to need a relaxing vacation too while you can still travel. You only want to go on this vacation if your husband is going, and he will be; it's not like you're cheating on Jeff."

"No, I suppose you're right. What about Serious Jeff; will he get jealous?"

"He doesn't know about Fun Jeff, and he doesn't have to. He thinks you're going on vacation with us girls and Britta's man-candy doesn't he?"

"That's true."

"Besides, Fun Jeff really wants to go on vacation with you."

"I think he just wants to go on vacation."

"I think he wants to see you in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini."

"Yeah, if I didn't have a giant mass of baby growing inside me that would have been a possibility." Shirley let out a small laugh at that. "Shirley, I'm still not sure this is-"

"I'm ready to go," Fun Jeff came downstairs in a Hawaiian t-shirt, swimming trunks, an 80's visor, and his trademark designer sunglasses and tossed his suitcases aside. "Hey Shirley, always nice to see you."

"Is it really?" Shirley questioned back.

"Yeah, it fulfills a guy's fantasy of being surrounded by beautiful women."

Shirley giggled. "Ooh, I like Jeff when he's like this."

Jeff practically pulled Annie off the couch. "Well come on we're wasting all that sunshine. Come on, let's go and have some fun, fun, fun before your daddy takes the T-Bird away," he practically danced out the door singing that Beach Boys tune loudly and off key.

Annie went to the window and watched him outside. "I can't say 'no' to Fun Jeff, he's so happy; but I don't want to leave Serious Jeff alone."

"Well, technically Troy and Abed will still be here," Shirley reminded. "We can tell them to check on Serious Jeff every once in a while."

"I'm just afraid something will go wrong."

"See, this is why you need a vacation."

…

People take vacations for fun and or relaxation, but Annie still felt as though she wasn't getting much of both on her vacation. The purpose was to go on a tropical getaway for leisure time with her husband, but that plan went right out the window. Fun Jeff was just way too much fun. The second he got to Hawaii (and made the obvious double entendre joke after being presented with a garland of Lei), he went into non-stop partying mode.

Seriously, he never even went to sleep. Annie had to share her hotel room with Shirley while Fun Jeff's hard core partying was heard throughout various hours of the night.

And things weren't exactly easy on Serious Jeff's part either. While still technically employed as Jeff's assistant, Troy was responsible for getting Serious Jeff anything he needed for work at various hours (and that happened quite often).

Suffice to say, Serious Jeff didn't sleep either.

Annie and Troy weren't the only ones who couldn't stand their respective Jeffs. Shirley and Britta could only take so much of Fun Jeff, and the people at Serious Jeff's work would most likely want to watch the world's longest movies on a loop because God knows it would be more fun than Jeff currently was. Abed, however, didn't really show preference (or emotion) to either Jeff.

"No he's been at work for the past sixteen hours or so going over his and Pete's files, all of which he got done," Abed was on the phone with one of the witches. "No, I don't think he's slept yet…neither has Fun Jeff? Weird…Troy…oh, Troy's fine, there's nothing much to say on his end. You wanna talk to him…okay, I'll let you get back to your boyfriend…sorry, potential boyfriend…bye Britta," Abed hung up.

"Who was that?" a sleepy Troy inquired as he shuffled out of his bedroom.

"That was Britta calling in to check on Serious Jeff."

"Hey, can I talk to her? I haven't been able to get a hold of her."

"That's probably because she's so busy with her boyfriend."

This got Troy to wake up. "Boyfriend?"

"Sorry, I meant _potential_ boyfriend."

"That Rick guy? They actually hit it off? And she took him to Hawaii?"

"We didn't want to go."

"Yeah, well I change my mind, I'm goin' to Hawaii."

"I sense a third act declaration of love. As predictably nice as that would be, not only do we have Puppy Parade tomorrow, but we have to stay here with Serious Jeff."

"ARRGH!" Troy moaned in agony. "I hate Serious Jeff! Why couldn't we have gotten stuck with Fun Jeff instead?"

"From what I heard, Fun Jeff isn't really that fun."

…

Annie was trying to relax on a beach recliner while keeping an eye on Fun Jeff when Britta and Rick ran up to her holding hands. "Annie, you came on this vacation to have fun," Britta pointed out, "why don't you join me and Rick on a sightseeing tour?"

"You won't be intruding," Rick assured, "it was actually my idea to invite you. You've seemed kinda bummed this whole trip."

Annie smiled. "That's really sweet of you Rick, but I only came to be with my husband."

"I don't mean to sound rude Mrs. Winger-"

"Rick, please, call me Annie."

"Right, sorry, _Annie_ ; I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think he wants to spend his time with you."

"While this Jeff does want to be more _social_ , he has asked me to join him in his social endeavors. Jeff has asked me to dance with him repeatedly even though he doesn't dance."

"Well, if you change your mind let us know and we'll come back for you."

"Thank you, Rick."

"Babe, I'll be right back; nature calls."

Britta blushed a little as he kissed her cheek. "Kay," she watched with a smile as he ran to the bathroom.

Annie smiled when she saw Britta's smiled. "Yeah, he's definitely a keeper."

"I know," Britta slumped her shoulders, "now how do I dump him without hurting his feelings?"

"What? Why? Britta, he's like the perfect guy and he really likes you."

"I know but…but he's not _my_ perfect guy. I dunno, I love him but I'm not _in love_ with him. Does that sound weird?"

"A little, but I can understand."

"He's such a sweet guy, and I don't want to hurt him, but he deserves someone better. Maybe I'd feel better if I try to set him up with someone else."

"Oh," Annie smirked, "oh I see."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing," Annie kept the sly little smirk on her face as she raised an eyebrow.

"Ugh, I hate when you do that. It reminds me that you learned that from Jeff. Speaking of Jeff—and I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth—but I miss regular Jeff."

" _Everyone_ misses regular Jeff."

"Fun Jeff is fun but there has to be a balance. I mean, I about shit my pants when he let go of his hang glider."

"Britta, watch your...Jeff did what?"

"Thankfully, I remembered I was a witch and I made it so the wind guided him back to the cliffs."

"Does he realize how dangerously stupid that is?"

"Rick and I asked him if he was out of his mind. He said 'are you out of _your_ minds; that was fun!'" Britta did a poor imitation of Jeff. "Hell, we even tried reminding him you were having his baby, but he still didn't care."

"Alright, I'm going to have to take care of this. Where's Shirley?"

"She's keeping an eye on Jeff as he jumps off the high dive."

"He's afraid of heights!"

"Regular Jeff maybe but Fun Jeff loves 'em."

"Not helping!"

…

Troy let out another yawn as Serious Jeff droned on to Ted and his other associates about boring law stuff. Troy now regretted accompanying Serious Jeff to dinner with the other men from work. "Am I having fun yet?"

"Does he have an off button?" one of the men asked Ted.

"He's usually not like this," Ted defended. "He's fun, he's sarcastic, he has a great sense of humor, this isn't like Jeff at all. You know, I think he just wanted to get the work done so he could take some time off."

"To do what, give a lecture?"

"You guys are only seeing one side of Jeff."

"Well I sure as hell hope he finds the other side."

"It's in Hawaii with his wife," Troy answered with all seriousness.

"Heh?"

"Fun Jeff is in Hawaii with his wife and the girl I love but won't make a move on and Serious Jeff is here doing all the work."

Ted and the other men gave him a funny look. "Okay," Ted stood up, "I think we're all pretty tired here."

"Well actually," Serious Jeff started to speak, "I'm not. In fact, I still have much to discuss with this case and-"

"We've discussed more than enough. Go home, Jeff, you did good. In fact you've done so good that I want you to take the next two weeks off."

"But there would still be plenty of work waiting for me when I get back."

"No there won't! I'll give you two weeks paid vacation and you'll only get more cases when you come back."

"Ted, really-"

"Trust me Jeff, it's for the best." He was practically the first one out with the other two men close behind.

"What am I going to do if I can't work?" Serious Jeff thought this through. "Well, I suppose I could do some housework, tend to other tedious chores I often put off, and Annie and I really should start preparing for the baby."

Troy let out a long groan of annoyance. "Seriously Serious Jeff shut up! Go home and go to bed."

"Why? I'm not tired."

"UGH! Why couldn't you be the one in Hawaii with Annie and Fun Jeff be here with us?"

"Fun Jeff? Who is this 'Fun Jeff' fellow and why is he cavorting in Hawaii with my wife?"

"He's you, but FUN!"

"I don't think I appreciate the idea of my wife with another man—particularly one who also shares my first name."

"SHE'S WITH _YOU_!"

"I'm going to get on the first plane to Hawaii and give them a piece of my mind. It's not proper for an expectant woman to frolic about with another man in a tropical paradise while her husband works diligently to provide for her."

"WHY ARE YOU TALKING SO FANCY? WHY IS…you're going to Hawaii? Cool, I'll come with you."

"Is there really any reason for you to be accompanying me?"

"I'm your assistant. I should be helping you with…assistant stuff. Plus I have my own selfish reasons. Heck, I'll even book us the first flight out of Hawaii."

"Why thank you Troy, I appreciate this gesture."

"Please stop talking so fancy."

…

The next flight out to Hawaii wouldn't be until the following afternoon. This gave the men in Greendale ample time to get ready (amongst completing other tedious chores around the house). While that was happening, Annie tried to spend some time alone with her husband, but mostly ended up as his babysitter. Shirley kept trying to remember the spell to put Jeff together to no avail. Britta's day however, was trying to come up with a way to dump Rick from _Subway_.

"How about that girl?" Britta gestured to a pretty brunette across the room. "She looks like she likes _Subway_."

Rick frowned a bit. "I wasn't going to say anything but why are you trying to set me up with other women? Is this something kinky?"

"No! No it's…"

"You're in love with someone else."

Britta sighed. "Yeah, I am. I'm sorry, really; I do care a lot for you and I want us to be friends. I love you, but I'm not _in love_ with you. Do you understand?"

Rick breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew!"

"Wait, what was that for?"

"Britta, I feel exactly the same way about you."

"You do?"

"I love you, but I'm not _in love_ with you. I was hoping maybe I could fall in love with you and things would work out."

"Me too!"

"We really dodged a bullet there."

"Rick, in all honesty, I want you to be happy. I also want what's best for you, and it's not me."

Rick smiled. "This is the first time I've ever experienced a mutual breakup."

"Me too."

"But I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"We seem so perfect for each other. Wouldn't it be inevitable for us to end up together?"

"That would be too obvious. We'd grow tired of each other eventually."

"I guess you're right," he held out his hand. "Friends?"

Britta shook it. "Friends."

"And hey, thanks for taking me to Hawaii," he sighed. "I guess that means you want me to go back to Greendale now."

"No, you can stay."

He surprised her by giving her a big hug. "Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"What are friends for?" Britta pulled him off. "Listen, I'm gonna head back to Greendale okay. Keep in touch."

"Sure thing, friend." Britta walked away where she could get some privacy and poofed back home…

…just as Troy came to the restaurant looking for her. "I coulda swore I saw her through the window," with a shrug, he left.

"Troy, I'm back!" Britta announced as she poofed into the apartment.

"Oh, hey Britta," Abed casually greeted as he sat at the kitchen table. "Troy's not here. He went to Hawaii for the famous third act declaration of love. He said he'd hopefully try to convince you to bring him back before we go to the Puppy Parade tomorrow afternoon. I didn't think you'd come back without him."

"He's in Hawaii?" Abed nodded. "Ugh I was literally just there!" Britta poofed back to Hawaii while Abed just shrugged and ate his buttered noodles.

…

Continuous knocking on the door was really getting Annie and Shirley frazzled. "What the hell does he want this time?" Annie stomped over to the door. "What Jeff?"

"Hey Baby Mama, we're outta champagne," Fun Jeff stood outside with an empty bottle.

"Well so are we."

"Damn, I gotta buy some more."

"Jeff—and I realize this might make me sound like a nagging wife—but how are you going to pay for all this?"

"It's cool, I'll just dip into our savings."

"No, you won't!"

"Bummer," Jeff's frown quickly turned into a smile. "Hey, you're a witch! Why don't you just make a bottle appear like magic?"

"You want me to use witchcraft?"

"Hell yeah, it's awesome! Hey, yeah that would be an awesome thing at my party."

"You can't tell these people I'm a witch!"

"Why not? They'll love it!" Jeff took her by the arm and led her back to the hotel room with a nervous Shirley following them. "Hey guys," Jeff got on the table as Shirley closed the door, "guys wait til ya see what my wife and her friend can do!" Shirley and Annie waved their hands and all the party guests were gone. "Yeah see, that was a neat trick! Can you bring everyone back so they can see it?"

"No! Jeff, there's something I need to tell you."

"I already know you're pregnant. That's really great and all but I'd kinda like to get back to the party."

"Jeff, this isn't you! This is only half of you."

"I better go find the rest of me then," he started laughing as if it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

There was a pounding at the door. "Oh, what now?" Annie opened the door and was surprised to see who was on the other side. "Jeff?"

Serious Jeff came into the room and face to face with Fun Jeff. "What are you doing here with my wife?"

Fun Jeff let out a small chuckle. "Who's the stiff in the suit?"

"I'll ask you again. Why are you here with my wife?"

"Your wife? Dude, that's my wife."

"I sincerely doubt Annie would align herself with a no-good, irresponsible, badly dressed, messy haired, inconsiderate, slacker like yourself."

"Listen here ugly, I don't know who you think you are but-"

Annie literally got between them. "Jeffs please stop this! The truth is I'm married to both of you."

Both Jeffs exchanged confused glances with themselves. "What?"

"I wanted to go on vacation with my husband, but then he got called to work so Shirley divided him into Fun and Serious Jeff. So you're both my husband." Annie looked at Serious Jeff. "You're his serious side," she then turned to Fun Jeff, "and you're the Fun Side. We felt that Jeff still deserved a vacation, but I still didn't want to go without him. So we left Serious Jeff at home and took Fun Jeff to Hawaii."

Fun Jeff smirked. "See, I get to do the cool things with Annie."

Serious Jeff did not find this amusing. "I sincerely doubt this is even legal. Annie, how could you allow this to happen?"

Annie nervously shrugged. "One day we'll all look back on this and laugh."

"I highly doubt that."

Fun Jeff sucked air through his teeth in disappointment. "No sense of humor."

"I don't very much care for you."

Shirley clapped her hands together. "Well, now that the two of you are here we can put Jeff back together the old fashioned way."

"Great!" Annie's happy expression turned into one of confusion. "How do we do that?"

"Both Jeffs stand at opposite ends of the room and then they run into each other."

"The opposite ends part shouldn't be too difficult," Serious Jeff said with a bitter tone as he walked away from his counterpart.

"Sheesh, what a grouch," Fun Jeff commented on his other half. "I think this sounds like fun."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"It's your mind too," Fun Jeff burst into laughter.

Shirley went over to Annie seemingly defeated. "You got a Plan B?"

Annie analyzed the two Jeffs. "Serious Jeff most likely wants to get back to work while Fun Jeff wants to get back to the party; they each want something different."

"So?"

"So I think I can work with that," Annie stood by the hotel door and opened it wider. "Hey Jeff!" both Jeffs stopped what they were doing and looked at their wife. "First one out the door gets what he wants."

Both Jeffs looked at each other and started to run. Annie backed away and she and Shirley closed their eyes as the Jeffs collided into each other. When the resulting smoke settled, Jeff was lying on the floor in the top half of his suit and shorts.

"Jeff," Annie went over to her husband.

Shirley nervously began playing with her fingers. "Oh Lord, I hope it worked."

"Jeff," Annie shook him.

A woozy Jeff tried to sit up. "Oh hi Honey, it's real good to see you…wherever I am. By the way, what just happened?"

Annie began peppering his face with kisses. "I love you! I love you so much!"

"I love you too?" Jeff managed to say with utmost confusion.

Annie pulled back. "I love you just the way you are."

"Thanks; but seriously where am I?"

"Don't worry because soon we'll be home," Annie glanced at Shirley and emphasized the last part of her statement with, "just the two of us."

Shirley nodded in understanding. "I can take a hint. I'll see you two after our vacation." Annie gave Shirley a quick hug and in a literal flash, she and Jeff were gone. "Those two really do deserve their privacy," Shirley waved her hand and suddenly Abed and his bowl of buttered noodles were in the hotel room. "I'm sorry if this confuses you Abed, but Annie and Jeff are cutting their vacation short and I'm more than sure they want to spend it alone, just the two of them."

"Well," Abed set his noodles aside, "there go our Puppy Parade plans."

…

"Alright Miss Witch," Jeff folded his arms when they got home, "explain yourself."

"Shirley divided you into two different sides, it's no big deal," Annie nonchalantly informed him.

"What?"

"She felt we deserved a vacation so she divided you into a fun side to go to Hawaii and a serious side to stay here and do Pete's work." Jeff put his fingers to his temple and groaned in annoyance. "For what it's worth, we're never doing that again."

"Good," Jeff yawned. "Wow, I am really tired. Can we go to bed?"

"That sounds like a great idea."

"Is the spell supposed to have any effects now that I'm in one piece?"

"No, why?"

"I've never been this tired before. I feel like I haven't slept in days."

…

"Found you," Britta took a seat on the beach beside Troy.

"Where were you?" Troy asked her.

"I went back to Greendale for you, but Abed said you were here so I came back to look for you. What are you doing here?"

"I originally came here to try and break you and Rick up. But now I'm here..." Troy couldn't find the words to say. "I'm here..."

"Well you came here for basically nothing Troy because…"

"...I'm here to I give you my blessing."

"…Rick and I broke up," Britta and Troy finished what they were saying at the same time.

Britta let out a watery laugh. "What?"

"If Rick makes you happy then you should keep dating him. From what I've heard, he seems like a great guy and he treats you right—that’s real important. I wanted to give you my blessing to date him; let you know I'm okay with it. Now what did you say?"

"Rick and I broke up."

"What?"

"It was mutual, and we're still friends. Rick and I do love each other but…"

"…but you're not _in love_ with each other."

"No, we're not."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"It's okay Troy."

"You gonna be okay?"

"Troy, I'm fine it was a mutual thing and Rick and I gonna stay friends. We were just trying to fall in love with each other, but we couldn't."

"Why couldn't you fall in love with each other?"

"'Cause I'm in love with you."

"For real?"

"For real."

"That's cool."

"That's cool?"

"'Cause I'm in love with you too."

"For real?"

Troy gave her a tender kiss as the moon reflected on the water. "For real."

"That's so frawesome," they shared another kiss.

…

"Hey Babe!" Jeff came in through the front door the following morning.

A confused Annie came over to greet him. "Why aren't you at work?"

"Apparently I'm on a two weeks paid vacation."

"What?"

"Yeah, it's weird. I apparently did more than enough work of mine and Pete's and Ted practically threatened me out of my office telling me I needed this vacation."

"Well, that was nice of him."

"Yep, and I figured out what I want to do with my vacation."

"What?"

"I want to spend it here just the three of us. You, Serious Jeff, and Fun Jeff," they leaned in for a kiss but it was cut off when Annie bit him mid kiss. "Ow! Sheesh Annie, what gives?"

"Jeff," Annie put one hand to her stomach.

"What? Is everything okay?"

"I think you forgot to include somebody," without saying another word, Annie put his hand on her belly.

Jeff's eyes went wide. "Is that?" Annie nodded with excitement as his face broke into a goofy grin. "It's kicking!" He moved his hand around. "Holy crap, this is amazing!"

"I know!"

"Is this the first time?"

"It is!"

"Holy sh-crap that's even more awesome!" Jeff was careful to watch his language. "Wow, I am so glad I was in one piece for this."

"You and me both."

He kept his hand on her stomach until the kicking ceased. "See, we didn't need to go to Hawaii for that. It was special no matter where it was."

"I know, and now we do we get time to relax." Annie sighed. "Figures this happens after we leave our tropical destination."

"Yeah, well get used the kid foiling our plans like this."

"Actually," Annie grinned, "I can't wait for that."

"Neither can I," he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his wife's protruding stomach before he kissed his wife again.

…

"Boys," Britta gathered Troy and Abed on the beach, "I've devised a schedule so that we can spend time with each other and not interfere with any potential plans with a particular person. I will be spending my day today with Shirley. Troy, you and Abed will spend your day together doing...whatever here."

"That's cool," Troy sighed, "but Abed and I were supposed to spend our day at the Puppy Parade."

"Were you?" Britta snapped her fingers Abed and Troy were holding two tickets in their hand.

Abed's eyes went wide. "These are tickets to the exact same puppy bowl we were going to."

"A-yup."

Troy was equally dumbfounded. "What the? How the?"

"Short answer, magic." Britta snapped her fingers and she was then wearing an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini. "Now go on guys, the puppy parade plane just landed."

Troy gave her a quick kiss before he and Abed hurried off. "LOVE YOU! WEAR THAT BIKINI TOMORROW PLEASE!"

Britta waved goodbye as he ran. She then placed her hands on her hips and let out a satisfied sigh. "I love making him happy."

Shirley made her way over to Britta. "You do realize you're pretty much sharing your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, but at least it's with Abed and not another woman. I can handle sharing Troy with Abed."

"That's nice."

"And Abed can handle Troy sharing a room with me now."

"Does this mean you and Troy are getting married?"

Britta laughed. "Oh God no; we'll just be sleeping together," Britta walked away laughing.

"Oh that's not so nice," Shirley began following Britta. "I think I'd rather have Troy and Abed sleep together."


	3. Halloween Hexing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only just realized somewhere in the last chapter that I only did the odd numbers of pregnancy. Surprisingly, 3, 5, 7, and 9 actually fit four chapters- and I only had four planned- so that's a strange coincidence.
> 
> This one is also an episode that aired after Tabitha was born, but it's one of the first ones I've ever seen and I really like. This one is based on Oedipus Hex. Darrin is working hard again so Endora (God, I love her) zaps up a popcorn that makes the eater lazy and abandon all responsibilities and Darrin feeds it to other people the same day that Samantha has a committee meeting with other neighborhood ladies.
> 
> Changes here; this is set on Halloween 2013 (which is on a Thursday this year, go fig) so Halloween candy will be hexed in lieu of popcorn. And to keep it modern, there won't be a milkman. I'm also creating another reason why Annie is having people over that isn't Halloween related.

"Just think," Annie flashed a contented smile as she put her hand on her seventh month bump (it was a term Abed coined with the coinciding month). "We'll be celebrating Halloween next year with our baby. Should we start planning a costume?"

"Oh God yes, planning a child's first costume is the most important of firsts in a child's life," Jeff sarcastically remarked as he took another helping from the bowl of popcorn he was holding.

Annie pouted her lip. "Why are you being such a grouch lately?"

He set the popcorn on the coffee table across from them. "It's that British prick our firm is representing. He's scheduled a meeting this Thursday and Ted and I have to go."

"Can't you say no?"

"Not unless I want a bigger pile up of work. It's not like we're doing anything on Thursday anyway."

"Thursday is Halloween," Annie reminded. "It's a very sacred day for me."

"Why, because you're a witch?"

"Well, yes; it's an important day for all magic folk, Jeff."

"Well then dress up and pass out candy to the greedy little beggars who show up at our door. Halloween isn't really that big of a deal anymore Annie."

"It is to me."

"What is there for you to do? Not just for modern day Halloween standards. You can't ignore that huge mass of stomach blocking you from doing a lot of things. The most you can do is dress up and pass out candy."

"I suppose you're right." She leaned back on the couch and sighed. "But I still want to do more than just give out sugar to already hyper children."

"Watch a scary movie."

"I don't like scary movies."

"Then watch one of those cheesy Halloween cartoons: _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ , _It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown_ ; I'm sure they have a stupid Halloween special or two you can watch."

"What should we dress up as?"

" _We_?"

"Don't all couples do a couples costume thing?"

"I was hoping you'd never hear of couples costumes. Let me guess, Troy and Abed are going as Pinky and the Brain."

"I actually heard this from Patrick and Sally from our birthing class. They're going as Lucy and Ricky, whoever Lucy and Ricky are."

"So?"

"And Tom and Jill are dressing up as a Catholic priest and a nun."

"Well that's clearly not going to offend anybody."

"Even Annie Kim and her husband dressing up for a Halloween party; she said she's going as Juno."

"A pregnant chick actually dressing up as a pregnant chick," Jeff thought about that. "The costume choice is surprisingly clever. I feel sorry for the poor sucker she married dressing like up Michael Cera. Scratch that; I feel sorry for the poor sucker she married in general."

"Then she asked what we were going as? What are we going as?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Winger, a lawyer and his pregnant wife. Boom, done, let's have some more popcorn."

"Jeff!"

"Relax; I have a sweater that says _'This is My Costume'_ on it. I'll wear that." He turned to see tears welling in her eyes. "Go ahead, unleash the hormones."

"No," Annie maintained composure and managed to successfully hold back emotion. "I can't keep letting every little thing upset me, that can't be good for the baby. It's fine, really. I'll just ask the girls if they'd like to do a group costume and help me pass out candy."

Jeff rubbed her back. "I'm sorry you married a guy who doesn't really care for Halloween."

She let out a small laugh. "It's okay. I don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of this."

"Oh, I can name a few reasons," He saw her glare at him, "but I won't."

"Such a gentleman."

"Whatever, I'm getting something to drink. You want anything?"

"I'd actually prefer an ice pop please."

"Fine," he picked the bowl of popcorn from the table and set it on her distended bump. "Watch my popcorn for me?"

His response was his wife rolling her eyes and sticking her tongue out at him.

…

Britta was having a conversation with Annie via bathroom mirror the following morning—a spell Abed had read about online (though he wouldn't say where) and subsequently taught them—as she curled her hair. "I mean I offered to dress up," Britta was explaining as she curled her hair, "and Abed assured me it's okay for a straight man to dress up as a woman on Halloween."

"Really?" Annie was also fixing her hair.

"So I suggested why don't you and Troy dress up as girls and I'll go as a guy. Nope, Abed said he already bought his Cher costume and Troy is looking forward to wearing his Sonny wig and moustache again."

"It would be nice to do a couples costume, but Jeff won't even be here to celebrate Halloween."

"Oh gee, that's too bad, such a shame."

"Britta, I can see you're obviously being sarcastic." Britta just smirked back. "I was hoping you, Shirley, and I could do a group costume."

"Like what?"

"I don't know; maybe Abed could give us a few ideas."

"Hey, I actually had an idea. Abed and Troy made me watch this movie with them called _Hocus Pocus_ about three witches from our time who were hung and then came back from the dead three hundred years later."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we can do that! I can go as the hot blonde."

"What about me, who can I be?"

"The only two other options were the redheaded diva leader and the fat one."

"So I suppose I'm going to be the fat one?"

"Okay, nix the _Hocus Pocus_ idea. Sorry if that offended you, I was just pitching some ideas."

"That's sweet of you Britta, but there isn't really much I can do with a baby in my belly."

"What if we dress up as a real-life trio that wore loose outfits?"

"I don't really know any that modern people would consider popular."

"A group of animals then?"

"Why don't we just dress up as regular witches?"

"What, dress like ourselves?"

There was a loud knocking on the other side of Annie's bathroom door. "Oh, I forgot Jeff's been waiting for the bathroom."

"Why can't he use the other bathroom?"

"Because all of his sundries are in here; he has a routine, I'd rather not disrupt it. We'll continue this conversation in person. Why don't you and Shirley pop in for a visit?"

"Fine," Britta's reflection vanished from Annie's bathroom mirror as Annie opened the door.

"Annie, were you just talking to yourself?" Jeff asked.

"No," Annie walked away.

With a puzzled look, Jeff closed the door behind him. "So she wasn't just having a conversation with herself?" He stood in front of the mirror.

"If you must know," Britta's appearance in his mirror made Jeff scream and back away in terror, "she was having a conversation with me."

"What the hell are you doing in my mirror?"

"Having a conversation with you. Why? Does this bother you? Would you rather chat in person?"

"Yes I would and I would appreciate if…" with a snap of her fingers, Britta's reflection disappeared and the actual Britta appeared in the bathroom with Jeff (giving him another shock). "WHAT THE HELL?"

"You tend to say that phrase a lot."

"Get out of my bathroom!"

"Sheesh, someone isn't a morning person," with another snap of her fingers, Britta was gone.

"Times like that I wish I had regular annoying in-laws but noooo I marry a woman who comes from a group of actual witches."

"I heard that," Britta's voice rang out.

…

Shirley made herself appear in Annie's Kitchen with two additional people. "I hope you don't mind but I invited Troy and Abed along so that they may share their creative input in costuming choices," she sat in one of the kitchen chairs.

"We didn't really have anything better to do anyway," Abed nonchalantly informed as he sat down.

Britta casually entered the kitchen as Jeff's scream echoed through the house. "Morning all," she sat down beside Troy as Annie hurried back upstairs.

"Should we be concerned?" Troy inquired. "Why was Jeff screaming just as Britta entered the room?"

"Beats me," Britta shrugged. "Shirley, can we have some pancakes?"

"What did you do to the father of Annie's child?" Shirley questioned.

"Relax," Annie came back into the kitchen, "it's nothing to get worked up about. Britta just flushed the toilet while Jeff was in the shower. I sincerely doubt it was an accident though."

"Classic prank," Abed noted.

"I'll just tell Jeff it was me and I didn't realize he was in the shower and we can avoid any yelling."

"He's sure to buy it; pregnant women constantly have to use the bathroom due to the fact that their unborn child is pretty much resting atop their bladder."

"Yeah, plus people are a lot nicer to pregnant ladies," Troy added.

Annie turned to Britta. "Britta, you really should stop pulling pranks on Jeff."

" _Should_ ," Britta emphasized that word, "but won't." Annie glared at her. "I'll try to ease up though; nothing that can cause serious damage."

"Britta!"

"That's the best you're gonna get from her and you know it," Abed commentated.

Annie looked directly into Britta's eyes. "Promise me you're not gonna use a hypnotizing spell to do something that will get him arrested again."

"They dropped the charges," Britta casually reminded. "How was I to know that people get arrested for protests nowadays?"

"What about the time you gave him a tail?" Troy reminded.

"I confused his ass for another's guy's ass; that was an honest mistake. I meant to give that other guy a tail but Jeff got in the way."

"Can't you ever pull harmless tricks that won't result in physical or emotional damage to Jeff?" Shirley asked.

"I could, but that wouldn't be fun."

"Look at it this way," Shirley's sweet demeanor suddenly turned sour, "somethin' bad happens to him then somethin' bad will happen to you."

"Agreed," Annie agreed.

"I just couldn't help but notice Jeff has become a bit more uptight and stressed lately," Britta pointed out. "I thought I could loosen him up a little with humor."

"Britta's right. Jeff isn't really like that. He's just stressed with work. Ted was going to pretty much take away Jeff's paternity leave to compensate for the two weeks he had off a while back so Jeff convinced him to give him more work to balance everything out. Jeff has also agreed to work, without a day off, up until the day I actually have the baby."

"Oh," Britta searched for something to say. "Well, he's gonna be a tight-ass for the next couple of months."

"Britta!"

"It's just an observation."

"No day off?" Shirley looked concern. "Does this mean he can't spend the most sacred of days with you?"

"No," Annie answered back, "but it's okay because I'll have him home once I have the baby and that's better. And it's not like both of us have nothing important to do tomorrow."

"Oh?"

"Jeff has a British client flying in for an important negotiation tomorrow and I have a CaMOMitee meeting that same afternoon."

Britta raised an eyebrow to her. "A what?"

"On Tuesdays and Thursdays a few of the women in my birthing class get together at one of the lady's house to discuss what we've learned in class, in books, in movies, in TV, and on the internet. Plus we talk about plans for our future child and most times they trash talk their husbands and sometimes their other children."

"So why are you having it at your house?"

"Because once you have your baby you're pretty much out of the group. We held the meetings at Samantha's house but she had her baby on Sunday—she had a boy if anyone's interested; his name is Adam." This made Abed smile but no one seemed to notice, care, or question why. "Now we're trying out houses to see which one's better suited for the meetings. Yesterday it was at Sally's, and tomorrow it's at mine."

"Can we come to these meetings?" Shirley inquired.

Annie patted her middle. "Not unless you're pregnant."

Britta made a disgusted noise at Shirley. "Why do you even care anyway?"

Shirley glared at her. "Excuse me for trying to socialize with other women."

"Uh guys," Troy reminded them of his presence, "aren't we here to discuss group costumes; 'cause I suggest _Charlie's Angels_."

Abed tilted his head in thought. "The Angels were never consistent though."

"In the movie they were!"

"Do you have any other suggestions?" Annie inquired. "Maybe like a musical group like Sonny and Cher?"

"Well there were the Spice Girls," Abed stated. "A British girl group from the 90's consisting of the future Mrs. David Beckham. One of the girls was black."

"How many were there?"

"Scary, Ginger, Posh, Sporty, and Baby makes five."

"Wouldn't we have to find two other girls then?" Britta pointed out.

Troy noticed a slight change in Abed's face and then he made a disappointed face at his girlfriend. "Wow Britta, way to be a buzzkill."

"Just stick to threes please."

"You could each pick a theme and dress accordingly," Abed suggested. "Try to keep the theme somewhat vague and with a lot of options like Oscar winning characters of a Best Actress or Supporting Actress Oscar winner, famous women leaders, titular sitcom women, or lead animated heroines."

A miffed looking Jeff came into the kitchen. "Which one of you flushed the toilet while I was in the shower?"

Annie raised her hand. "That was me, sorry. I didn't realize you were already in the shower."

"Maybe I should start making a shower schedule to avoid that in the future."

"Yes, because I can also predict when I'll have to use the bathroom."

Jeff smirked at her. "Sassy aren't we Mrs. Winger? I like that." The couple kissed each other.

"Ugh," Britta expressed disgust, "I think I've lost my appetite for the day."

Jeff scowled at her after he pulled away. "Britta, so nice to see you again."

Annie quickly turned to Britta. "Again?"

"Britta decided to make a surprise appearance in our bathroom mirror this morning. If I didn't need the mirror so much I'd shatter it so that it never happens again."

"I've got it!" Abed's sudden, yet still monotone exclamation garnered everyone's attention. " _Josie and the Pussycats_."

"Oh, that brings back some pleasant boyhood memories."

"Gross. I meant that's the perfect costume choice for the girls. You've got your lead singer Josie, blonde drummer Melody, and the first main African-American female in a cartoon via Valerie the tambourine player. They wore cat ears and tails in addition to their leopard print outfits so that's your basic costume design there."

"I like that idea."

"You just like the costumes," Britta snarked at him.

"True, but it's a pretty cool choice; not a lot of people dress up like lesser known Hanna Barbera cartoons that weren't _Scooby-Doo_ related."

"I agree with Jeff," Shirley sided. "It's an all-female trio and it seems to suit the three of us ladies well."

"Yeah, I don't wanna sound like a jerk," Troy began, "but they were all skinny."

Shirley glared at him. "What are you implying Troy?"

"But you can easily fix that if you alter the costumes yourself."

"Uhm-hmm."

"What am I still doing here with you people?" Jeff got up to leave. "I'll see you later Babe," he gave his wife another quick kiss and left. Britta stuck her tongue out and made a disgusted noise, earning an eye roll from Annie.

"So what do you other girls think?" Abed asked Britta and Annie.

Annie shrugged. "I don't see why not."

"At least you came up with something coherent," Britta added. "The tails don't have to be real though, do they?" Abed shook his head no. "Then I'm in."

"Great! Why don't you guys show up after the CaMOMitee meeting in costume and we'll pass out candy."

"What, we can't go to a party?"

"If I'm not too tired after everything I'll consider going to a party with you guys afterwards. Notice I said  _consider_ ; that doesn't mean I'll necessarily go."

The five of them sat in silence for a while before Troy broke it by abruptly asking, "Now what?"

Abed shrugged. "I guess we go about our lives."

"And do what?"

Britta turned to Troy with a sly smirk. "I can think of a couple things we can do."

Shirley frowned at this. "Yeah, I bet you can."

Abed had a thought. "I feel like going to that spa again. Shirley, Annie, can we do that?"

"I suppose, but you know I'd have to turn you into a lady again."

"I don't mind."

Troy made a noise to get attention. "I wanna go to the women only spa too."

"That means you would have visited three times: once with Shirley and the dean, once with me and Britta, and this next time."

"It is a good spa," Britta commented.

"But It wouldn't be fair for you to go, Troy."

Troy frowned. "Aww man. I like when we spend the day as Troyella and Abette."

"Yeah, I bet you do," Shirley muttered under her breath.

…

As expected, nothing eventful happened for the rest of the Wednesday. Thursday, however, was a different story. It started when Annie was awoken by the sound of a thud followed by expletives. "Foot run in with the leg of the bed again?"

Jeff was standing there clutching his foot in his hand. "Barely even felt it."

"Well," Annie started to stretch, "I'm awake. How about I make breakfast? What are you in the mood for?"

"Actually, I'm not gonna eat."

"What?"

"That British prick scheduled the meeting for 8:45 in the morning of all times and Ted wants me there by eight. No breakfast today, no time."

"Are you gonna pick something up on your way there?"

"I'm sure they'll be donuts in the office."

"I'd feel better if you eat something before you left."

"And I'd feel better if you go back to sleep."

"No point in sleeping now. I'm wide awake and I might as well get ready for the CaMOMitee meeting."

"Please tell me you didn't pick the name."

"No."

"God bless you for that."

"It's not that bad of a name." Jeff raised an eyebrow to her. "It could have been worse."

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't think so," Annie sat upright in bed. "Well, I'm gonna get some breakfast for myself. Are you sure I can't get you anything?"

"Sorry, Hon."

"Not even a granola bar?"

"We have granola bars?"

"Not yet."

Jeff knew what she meant by 'not yet'. "Annie-"

"Like I promised, I'll only use my witchcraft to help you. I just want you to eat something before your negotiation; it'll help both of us."

He sat beside her and brushed her hair back. "Not that I don't appreciate this, but could you let me take care of myself? Focus on taking care of you and the baby okay," he patted her belly.

"I know, I know, but that doesn't mean I still shouldn't worry about you. I'd just feel better knowing you ate something."

"I dunno, that Halloween candy downstairs looks pretty appetizing."

"Alright, but only one."

"What, no argument? Last night when I snuck down for some candy you busted me and told me it was for the trick or treaters."

"This time you have my blessing to have _one piece_ of candy. And last night I thought you were a burglar so I was using my witchcraft to stop you."

"You yelled 'freeze' and literally froze me. Wouldn't you have noticed if I wasn't in bed anyway?" She flashed him a sneaky smile. "Oh, you did that on purpose to teach me a lesson or something, didn't you?" she just made a muffled sound. "You sneaky little witch."

"One candy alright," she kept the sly little smile on her face as she headed downstairs…

…where oddly enough Britta was waiting. "I'm bored," Britta greeted.

"Britta, what are you doing here? Why are you up so early?"

"Annie, it's Halloween; I always wake up early on Halloween. We always had a lot to do and get ready for, but now I'm wide awake and I'm bored."

"So you came here?"

"I didn't want to wake up the guys; they probably wanna rest up for the party tonight."

"The party you want me to go to?" Britta nodded. "Who's throwing it?"

"This girl named Rachel that Abed met a few weeks ago. They really hit it off and she invited him and whoever he wanted to bring to the party."

"Oh?"

"You're not gonna get any details outta me, sister. I don't really know anything else about her except she's 'cool'." Britta air quoted the last description.

"Does that mean Abed likes her?"

Britta knew where Annie was headed with this. "I can't believe I'm the one saying this but no meddling."

"But Britta-"

"We all know how much of a hopeless romantic you are and how much you want everyone to find their 'true love'," the air quote also came with a sarcastic emphasis, "but let nature take its course with this. I mean look at you and Jeff; we interfered and looked how bad that turned out."

"Britta!"

"Well, for me anyway." *THUD* The girls listened to the following curse words being shouted upstairs. "Sounds like Jeff's up."

Annie ignored Britta and went to the stairs to greet Jeff. "Jeff, what did you do?"

"I'm starting to think the bed has some sort of score to settle with my foot," Jeff answered back. "Anyway can't talk, I'm late," he gave her a quick kiss.

"Wait what about…" too late.

"What about what?" Britta inquired.

"He wasn't going to eat anything so I told him I'd feel better if he ate something. He was supposed to have a candy bar but now I'm going to spend the whole day wondering if he ate anything."

"Why?"

"We didn't tell you any of you this but Jeff went a whole day without eating and he had a blackout and nearly collapsed the next day. The doctor said he has to eat something at least once a day."

"Why didn't he eat that day?"

"He was too busy with work."

"What, that excuse again?"

"He says I'm the one that should be taking it easy but it's hard for me to do when I'm worrying about him. I'm sure my worrying isn't good for the baby either."

"So in a way, this is a bad thing? And you haven't used any spells to convince him to take a whole day off?"

"No, and I don't intend to. I rarely interfere when it comes to Jeff's work and I'm trying hard not to use magic. I'm going to get breakfast ready, you want some pancakes?"

"Thanks Annie," Britta waited until Annie went back into the kitchen before sighing. "I guess I should do something nice for the father of my niece; it'll help three people." Britta snapped her fingers and a bowl of Halloween candy appeared on the coffee table. She snapped her fingers again and waited for the sounds of screeching tires outside. "That'll be Jeff."

A confused Jeff entered his house. "Why am I back here?" A smiling Britta approached him carrying the candy bowl. "I'm guessing this is your doing."

"Candy?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving," she snapped her fingers and the door locked. "What the hell?"

"Your wife is worried about you getting something in your stomach. And you don't know what worrying can do for the something in _her_ stomach. You don't want to cause you wife to go into premium labor do you?"

"It's _premature_ labor for one thing. And since when do you care about anything that concerns me?"

"Because it also concerns the well-being of Annie and my soon to be niece," Britta quickly realized what she said and quickly covered her mistake by adding, "or nephew." Jeff didn't seem to notice, so that mini crisis had been averted. "Humor Annie," she passed him the bowl.

"What did you do to the candy?"

"Nothing," Jeff raised an eyebrow to her. "Honest. Annie already had the candy ready to pass out later; you know how she likes to be prepared."

Jeff reluctantly took a candy. "You're the reason why parents have to check their kids' candy." Britta turned up her nose at him. Giving it a quick inspection, he realized it was clean and ate it. "There, I ate it. Can I leave now?"

"Sure," Britta snapped her fingers and unlocked the door. As Jeff went to turn the knob, he suddenly stopped. "Something wrong Jeff?"

He let go of the knob and turned around. "Yeah, I'm starving," he marched into the kitchen. "Hey Babe," he surprised Annie with a quick kiss before sitting at the table, "what's for breakfast?"

"Jeff?" Jeff looked up at her. "Shouldn't you be heading to work?"

"I figured it's a holiday, and I'm takin' the day off. Let Ted handle everything. I wanna spend today doing nothing with my beautiful baby mama."

"As tempting as that sounds I still have things to do."

"Do it with magic, get things done faster. You need to relax to you know."

"Bu-bu-but-"

Britta strode into the kitchen. "Are the pancakes ready now?"

"What did you do to my husband?"

"Relax, she didn't do anything," Jeff assured her. "I just didn't feel like going into work today."

"Jeff-"

"Annie, have I been working hard?"

"Yes."

"Do you miss us being able to spend time together like we used to?"

"Of course I do."

"Is Halloween not a very important day for you?"

"It is but-"

"Cool, we'll do a couples costume thing."

"Too late pal," Britta began to inform him, "Annie, Shirley, and I are sticking with your idea of _Josie and the Pussycats_."

"Wasn't it Abed's idea?"

Britta thought back. "Technically yes, but you were the first to approve."

"Okay, then I'll recycle my Beckham costume, no big. I'll just pick a couples thing as backup."

"Something is definitely up," Annie looked to Britta. "Britta, are you sure you didn't do anything?"

"I'm sure," Britta replied. "Jeff said I didn't, and he would know if I did wouldn't he?"

"Like when you made me pregnant, got me arrested, and gave me a tail?" Jeff questioned.

"First off it was only pregnancy symptoms; I have since apologized for everything have I not?"

"Dunno, I've lost count of the times you've owed me an apology."

"This is all too strange for me," Annie finished getting their breakfast, "I'm going to take a nice, long bubble bath to clear my head."

"No breakfast?"

"I'll eat later when I get everything figured out."

Jeff shrugged and reached for a piece of toast. "Your loss."

Britta swallowed her pancake before speaking. "Shouldn't you call your boss and let him know you're not coming in?"

"I should, but I'll wait til he calls me. Why should I bother?"

"I gotta say, I'm liking this attitude of yours Jeff."

"And you're becoming more tolerable too Britta."

…

By the time Annie had finished with bubble bath, she came downstairs to a new discovery. In addition to Britta and Jeff, Troy and Abed had paid a visit and the four of them were playing some kind of card game. "Oh hey, Babe," Jeff greeted her when she came into the kitchen, "you wanna join?"

"No, I do not want to join," Annie was trying not to snap at him. "What is going on here? What are Troy and Abed doing here?"

"Hey, hey calm down everything's cool. I suggested they come over and Britta brought 'em here."

"We almost turned him down considering you got that thing with the other pregnant ladies going on," Troy explained, "but Britta said she'd make it worth my while; I thought that meant sex but she meant candy."

Annie angrily turned to Britta. "The candy I was gonna pass out to the trick-or-treaters?"

"Oh yeah Annie, give a bunch of sugar to rotten little kids that plan won't backfire," Britta snarked. "Don't flip your wig, I'll replace any eaten candy."

Troy leaned closer to Abed to whisper, "Annie wears a wig?"

"And it's not like candy isn't the only thing you can give out. Give 'em an apple or something healthy."

"Bad idea; kids will throw the apples back at the house. Or they'll get eggs, come back, and throw the eggs at your house. If they don't get a treat, then comes the trick part."

"You just don't like healthy food." Troy shrugged (his girlfriend had a point there). "What are you giving your pregnant friends when they come over tomorrow?"

Britta's casual question made Annie realize something very important. "Oh my God, they're coming over today!"

"Ugh, people I don't like," Jeff grumbled.

"I have to get everything ready."

"Annie, relax. It's not even nine o'clock yet."

"It's not?" She looked at the time.

"We were up early making sure our costumes still fit," Abed informed. "Plus we were woken up by Britta's evil cat."

"Britta, you got a cat?"

Britta smiled. "Guilty. I adopted him from the animal shelter yesterday. His name is Jinx and he's a black cat."

"Yeah, and he's also evil," Troy commented. "Wouldn't want him to cross my path on Friday the thirteenth."

"Shirley suggested volunteer work to clear my conscious or something dumb like that and I did some stuff at the animal shelter and that's how I met Jinx. I got to know him before and befriended him before adopting him; that's smart thinking."

"Dogs are better," Jeff grumbled.

"Says you."

"You don't have to just stand there Annie," Abed observed. "You're welcome to join us until you have to get ready. This is your house after all."

"Thank you but no," Annie went to the cabinet to get herself a box of crackers, but when someone finally realized her burgeoning belly was preventing her from getting them, her husband was the one chivalrous enough to help. "Thank you."

"What are you doing?" Jeff inquired.

"I figured I can do some rereading before the other mothers-to-be get here."

"And the crackers are for?"

"Nourishment; I am eating for two after all."

…

"It'll just take me a moment or two," Ted politely excused himself from the conference room before closing the door and hurrying over to the secretary. "It's been another half-hour; where the Hell is Winger?"

His secretary looked at him. "You didn't get his message for you?"

"Message?"

"I called Jeff for you and he said he wasn't coming in today."

"Why not?"

"I asked him for a reason, but he said he didn't have one."

"What?"

"So I asked him what should I tell you," the secretary handed Ted a notepad paper, "and this is the message he wanted me to pass on."

Ted read over the message. It would be safe to say he didn't really like what the message said. "Who does he think he is?" Ted crumpled the paper, threw it on the ground, and stomped off.

"Where are you going?"

"To have a chat with Jeffrey Winger."

…

"Hey Abed, make us something to eat," Jeff casually demanded.

Abed shrugged and got up. "How come you're not asking Annie?"

"She's in there listening to her stupid relaxation music and once those headphones are on, there's no use bringing her back to reality for another hour and ten minutes. Come on, come on, make with the food."

"You don't have to be bossy." As Abed prepared food, there was a pounding on the door, which went unanswered. "Wow, that must be some really loud relaxation music."

"I'll get it," Britta volunteered. She picked up the candy bowl before leaving. "Whoever's on the other end of that door seems pissed." Carrying the bowl of candy, she answered the front door to find Ted standing on the other end. "You one of the pregnant chicks?" She laughed at her 'joke'.

Ted, however, did not. "Where is Jeff Winger?"

"Who wants to know?"

"I'm Jeff's boss."

"Oh, you must be Ted. Did you get his message?"

"Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm his wife's fr-sister." She held the candy bowl in his face. "Candy?"

"No thank you. Where's Jeff?"

"I'll tell you if you take a piece of candy. My sister and I spent all night making 'em for the kids."

"These look like Hershey's."

"Yeah, ours didn't turn out so good and we overdid it on buying candy. Can you take one please?"

"And then you'll tell me where Jeff is?" Britta nodded. With a sigh, Ted took a piece of candy and ate it. "Where's Jeff?"

"Kitchen."

Ted began to march to the kitchen in ire, but when he met up with Jeff, he suddenly became less tense. "Huh."

Jeff looked up at his boss. "Hey Ted, you get my message?"

"Yes I did, and I have one thing to say to you." Ted took a seat next to Jeff. "Deal me in."

…

Once Annie's music ended an hour or so later, she decided to get ready for the meeting. Knowing that everyone she trusted was there, she managed to get everything ready with a quick snap of her fingers. With a satisfied smile, she headed into the kitchen. Upon entering, her smile quickly faded when she noticed an addition at the table.

"Hiya Annie," Ted greeted.

Annie waved to her husband's boss. "Ted, what a surprise. What are you doing here?"

"Playing Texas Hold 'Em."

"More like losing Texas Hold 'Em," Jeff's quip made Ted burst into laughter.

"Jeff, Darling," Annie tried to keep cool, "can I talk to you in the living room?"

Jeff shrugged. "Deal me out this round Troy," he followed his wife into the living room. "What's up?"

"What is Ted doing here?"

"It was the weirdest thing; he showed up here and told me to deal him in."

"Who's tending to the British client then?"

Jeff shrugged. "Who cares?" he went back into the kitchen.

"Jeff!" As she was about to chase after him, there was a knock on the door. Answering it, she wasn't exactly too thrilled to see who was on the other side. "Girls!" The majority of the CaMOMitee members—Sally, Tammy, and Jen—were standing there. "You all came together…and in costume."

"We thought it'd be fun," the one dressed as Snow White said to her as she entered the house.

"We asked Annie Kim to send you the message," the kangaroo added.

"Well, she didn't," Annie informed them. "Don't worry; I can easily get into costume. Just make yourselves at home."

"Oh Annie," Sally (dressed as Lucy Ricardo) stopped her. "We're going to be short a member. Jill went into labor this morning."

"Really; she's not due for another three weeks."

"I guess Tom Jr couldn't wait. Oh, do you mind if we help ourselves to some snacks?"

"I didn't leave any on the table?"

"I'll get some," the Snow White volunteered.

"Thank you Tammy," Annie went upstairs as Tammy went into the kitchen. Annie made sure the door to her bedroom was closed before calling for Shirley. "Shirley! Shirley, I need your help!" Shirley didn't appear. "Where are you?"

"Annie," Jen called from downstairs, "do you need any help?"

"No, I'm fine," with a snap of her fingers, she magically altered her wardrobe and was then dressed as Josie. She then searched her dresser until she came across her mini crystal ball. "Shirley, it's me and I could really use your help. I have regular people over here so when, or if, you come please knock ahead of time." She made sure to leave the same message via phone before going back downstairs.

Jen whistled when Annie came down. "Ooh, hot mama!" This made Annie blush. "Dang girl, how'd you fit into an outfit like that?"

"Probably by magic," Sally joked.

Tammy noticed Annie as she came out of the kitchen with snacks. "Annie, you look amazing. Did you make that costume yourself?"

"Yes, I did," Annie kept up with the charade.

"That must have taken forever to make."

"It was a snap, really. I'll be right back," she went into the kitchen. "You guys are still here?"

"Hello to you too, Annie," Troy greeted her.

"That costume fits you good," Britta complimented. "Why are you wearing it?"

"Because the other moms are here and they're in costume," Annie explained. "Listen: I would really appreciate it if you guys left."

"Where would we go?"

"Anywhere but here!"

"Annie, chill," Jeff instructed. "We'll just be more quieter, alright guys." The others agreed. "By the way, that costume does look good on you." She scoffed as she left. "Excuse me for paying my beautiful wife a compliment!"

"Was that Jeff?" Sally inquired. "I thought you said he was working."

"He took the day off," Annie muttered.

"And his boss won't mind?"

Loud laughter was heard from the kitchen and Annie tried to ignore it. "Let's just get started."

"But Annie Kim's not here," Tammy pointed out.

"Annie Kim's not coming, remember," Jen reminded. "She told me to tell you guys."

"You know what," Sally threw the wrapper from her snack on the floor. "I think we should wait anyway. Annie, you mind if we watch some TV?"

An angry knock came pounding on the front door. "Great, more people!" Annie angrily went to the door. "Yes?"

"Is this the Winger residence?" a furious looking man with a British accent was standing there.

"I'm afraid it is."

"Then Misters Winger and Hamlin are here?"

"I'm afraid they are. Please keep the screaming quiet."

"Thank you—and may I add that you look ravishing in that outfit."

"Please don't." Annie moved aside so that the man could stomp into the kitchen and scream.

"He sounds pissed," Jen remarked as she got herself a snack.

Tammy gasped as the ladies listened to the British man screaming. "I didn't know that could be used as a curse word."

"In Britain probably."

Britta entered the living room. "Hello pregnant people," she greeted. "I was just wondering if…oh there it is," she picked up the bowl of candy that rested a few feet away from Sally and Jen and hurried back into the kitchen. The screaming was then directed to Britta, but somehow that stopped not even a full minute later.

"Wow," Tammy seemed impressed, "that lady sure knew how to calm him down." The quiet then turned into laughing. "Should we get this meeting started?"

"Yeah, right after this show," Jen called to them.

Another knock at the door. "AARGH!" Annie stomped over to the door where a cop was waiting.

"You the owner of the white Sedan?" The officer questioned.

"No, the owner is probably chuckling it up in the kitchen. Go right on in Officer, everyone else has."

"Thank you," the cop eyed Annie. "And may I say that-"

"Please don't."

"Sorry," he went into the kitchen. "Which one of you owns the white sedan?"

"That'd be me old chap," the British man raised his hand. The cop wrote him a ticket and handed it to him. "What's this then, a ticket?"

"Let me see," Jeff took the ticket from him, tore it up, and threw it in the air like confetti. "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" this made the British guy, Ted, Troy and Britta burst into laughter while Abed nervously looked around the room.

The cop's glance wasn't nervous. "Listen here wise guy-"

"Hey Officer," Britta held up the candy bowl, "would you care for a chocolate?"

"No! Now-"

"Please," Britta did a puppy dog pout, and for some reason (perhaps a spell) the policeman could not resist taking a piece of candy. "Thank you, Officer."

"Well, don't think that…" the cop suddenly stopped.

"Don't think that what Officer?"

"Don't think that I'm sitting out the next round."

"Annie," Tammy went over to a clearly agitated Annie, "Annie, maybe we should come back on Tuesday. You're obviously busy and-"

"Trust me Tammy, it's not usually like this," Annie responded back. "We should get the meeting started."

"Yeah, yeah, later!" Sally brushed them off.

Tammy seemed stung by that. "I don't understand," she softly spoke to Annie. "Sally was the one who wanted to get this started the most, and Jen told me she's helping out her twin's kindergarten class before their costume parade." She then made a 'tsk' noise. "I keep telling them junk food is bad for them but majority rules, chocolate over carrot sticks."

"Junk food?" Annie remembered Tammy got the snacks from the kitchen. "Tammy, what did you give the women to eat?"

"The bowl of Halloween candy on counter," Tammy gasped. "Was I not supposed to give them that?"

"Bowl of Halloween candy? I didn't…" something suddenly dawned on Annie. "Excuse me a sec," Annie went back into the kitchen. "Oh Britta, may I have a word with you?"

"I'm out this round fellas," she set her cards down and went over to Annie. "What up?"

"I know you hexed the Halloween candy."

Britta did her obviously fake, 'I'm shocked' gasp. "How could you assume that I would do something like that? I'm hurt Annie."

"Britta."

Britta huffed. "Okay, fine. I might have put the relaxing hex on the candy for Jeff."

"Britta!"

"I only did it to be nice. You said he hadn't eaten, not only would this have given him food, but this would have helped him relax—which, need I remind you, you said he hadn't been doing much of either. Plus, I don't think this spell backfired."

"Well it did! Fix everything, and fix it now!"

"I will after I win another round."

"Britta!"

Britta moaned. "Okay, okay fine, you win." Britta snapped her fingers.

"You can bring the little missus too," Ted was carrying a conversation with Jeff as the effects of the spell wore off. "Uh…what just happened?"

"And what the bloody hell are we doing here?" the British prick was back to normal. "Hamlin! Winger!"

"Relax Mr. Davenport," Ted tried to calm him down, "we're going back to the office. Aren't we Jeff?"

"Absolutely," Jeff quickly got ready.

"Hey Sedan Man," the cop handed the British guy a ticket, "little souvenir from Uncle Sam. Happy Halloween."

Everything else that was being said went undetermined as the men prepared to go back to their respective jobs.

Jeff rushed over to Annie. "Annie, what exactly happened?"

"Don't worry about it," she gave her husband a kiss. "Have a good day at work sweetie."

"Yeah…yeah, work." He looked over her again. "You should wear that outfit more often." She playfully swatted him and they gave each other another quick goodbye kiss.

"Ladies," Annie rejoined the women once everyone left. "Shall we get started?"

"Yes," a now focused Sally replied, "first I want to open with-"

Sally was cut off with a knock at the door. "Oh, what now?" Annie opened the door. "Shirley?"

"Hello Annie," Shirley greeted. "Is everything alright?"

"It is now."

"Oh? Well...I'm glad I could help."

…

"Bye!" Annie waved goodbye to the costumed children. "Oh, they were all so cute," she sat on the couch beside the now costumed Shirley and Britta and rubbed her stomach. "I can't wait to dress my baby up in a cute little costume."

"Yeah, and it should coincide with a classic sitcom family," Abed was sitting in the recliner dressed as Cher with Troy sitting in the other chair dressed as Sonny. "It can be animated or live-action but I prefer animated."

The back door shut and soon Jeff was in the living room. "Surprise, surprise, you people have nothing better to do than make yourselves comfortable in my house," he kissed the top of Annie's head. "Have I told you how good you look in that costume?"

"Thank you," she thanked.

"On that subject, you and I are going to my firm's Halloween party."

"What?"

"Apparently I told Ted I'd be coming to said party with you, and I guess I bragged about having an awesome costume."

"You did brag about having an original costume," Abed told him. "I was there and I remember because I hadn't eaten the hexed candy."

Jeff glared at Britta. "I refer to my earlier statement about you being the reason why parents check their kids' candy." Britta flashed him a sneer in return.

"What are you gonna dress up?" Troy inquired with the utmost curiosity. "You're not gonna recycle your David Beckham costume for the third time are you?"

"Third time's a charm."

"Real original Jeff."

"I actually had an idea for a couples costume for the two of you," Shirley helped Annie off the couch and ushered her next to Jeff.

Jeff gave her an unsure look. "It's not going to be anything religious 'cause Tom and Jill got that theme going."

"I think you'll appreciate this Jeff," Shirley waved her hands and soon Jeff and Annie were in costume. With another wave of her hands a mirror appeared in front of the couple and they got a look at themselves.

"Shirley, am I dressed like Patrick Swayze?"

Shirley smiled. "See, Annie tried to get a hold of me while I was watching a quintessential 1980's movie and that's where I got this idea. You do like to dress cool don't you Jeff?"

"Yeah, but-"

"I figures if you were Johnny then it was only fitting to dress Annie as Baby."

Jeff smirked. "That's…that's actually really clever considering she's having a baby."

"Wow, that is pretty clever," Annie modeled the dress. "I do like this dress, but isn't it a little small for your taste Shirley?"

Shirley shrugged. "It's Halloween, and you're dressed as someone else. I see no harm. No go on Jeff, treat your lady to a nice dinner before the party."

"Thanks again Shirley," Jeff thanked as he put his arms around Annie and led her outside.

"Hold up!" Britta intervened. "What about us Shirley? We can't do a _Josie and the Pussycats_ thing at Rachel's party without a Josie."

"Perhaps we can do a two-person costume?"

"I already told Rachel about the _Josie and the Pussycats_ costume," Abed informed. "I think I got her hopes up."

"Do we know anyone without any Halloween plans who can dress up like Josie at the last minute?" Troy asked.

Shirley sighed. "I think I might know someone."

...

"Rachel!" Abed called to his friend when they arrived at the party.

A girl in glasses dressed as Daria went over to Abed (and Troy who was standing beside Abed). "Sonny and Cher, nice. Abed, you make a nice girl."

"Ahem!" Troy coughed.

"Oh and Troy, the wig and moustache are awesome."

"Thanks."

"So, where are your other friends?"

Abed and Troy pointed to their trio of friends dressed as _Josie and the Pussycats_ : Britta was Melody, Shirley was Valerie, and Dean Pelton was their Josie.

"I dunno," Craig adjusted his costume, "I still think I look fat in this outfit."

Shirley tried to shield herself from inevitable embarrassment, but Britta wasn't having that. "Come on Shirley," Britta put her arm around her friend's shoulder, "it's Halloween and he's in character."

Shirley sighed. "I need to find me some normal people to hang out with."


	4. Wrapping Everything Up/ Worth the Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yeah, this is going to be really, really, really long. In addition to the main plot had another idea I wanted to use so I kind of divided this last chapter into parts without actually putting it in separate chapters. But hey, more to love, right? And if you think of my stories like episodes, think of this as an extended episode. And if this was like a TV episode it'd most likely feature celebrity guests to fill certain roles. Ann-Margret, Christine Baranksi, or Dorothy Lyman (Naomi from Mama's Family) would be my ideal for a relative of one of the guys that has been mentioned, but never shown (hint, hint) for example.
> 
> Never wrote a labor scene before either- ironically finished it on Mother's Day by the way. Can't tell ya how many different movies and TV shows (sitcom, drama, and reality) I watched for inspiration. I wanted to keep some clichés, but also make it realistic at the same time. For the record, I have never been in labor so again taking inspiration from movies and TV. If it sucks...at least I can say I tried. But I hope it doesn't because it's kinda lengthy. 
> 
> This is also the last chapters, hope everyone enjoys it.

" _O tidings of comfort and joy_ ," Annie was singing as she decorated the Christmas tree Jeff had (begrudgingly) agreed to let her put up. Once she finished a particular spot, she began fidgeting with her wedding ring that she wore on a necklace chain around her neck while searching for another open spot on the tree. " _God rest ye merry Gentlemen_ -"

"Babe," Jeff interrupted her caroling, "can you sing something from the last fifty years or so please?"

Annie coyly smiled as she went back to decorating the tree. "I believe the Barenaked Ladies recorded a version of this song with Sarah McLachlan in the last decade."

She had a point there. "Touché. Hey, how do you even-"

"Abed's been making us listen to Christmas pop songs and he always announces the artists the first time we hear the songs. I easily remember what I learn."

"That explains so much."

She finished her decorating and turned to her husband. "Jeff, can you put the star up?"

He huffed in annoyance as he got off the couch and got the star. "Why must I be so freakishly tall?" He took the decoration from her and placed it at the top of the tree without struggle. "Okay, it's up." Annie let out some sort of squeak and tried not to cry, but she couldn't help it. "What?"

"It's just so beautiful."

"It's just a tree."

"I know, but…but…it's just so beautiful."

Jeff took her in his arms and pulled her close, rubbing her back to try and calm her down. "I guess it looks kinda nice."

"Jeff," Annie rested her hands on her belly, "do you think next year the baby can put the star up?"

"Not without help from his daddy."

"Or _her_."

"Right, right, or _her_."

"This waiting is getting old; I want to meet our baby."

Jeff wrapped his arms around her middle placing his hands on her stomach near hers. "Shouldn't be much longer now."

"Wouldn't it be nice if we had the baby on Christmas?"

"It'd be kinda cool, but I'd rather not spend my holiday in a hospital thank you very much. I would also like it very much if we spent our Christmas just the two of us." Annie made a guilty sounding noise. "What?" she let out a nervous squeak as he pulled away. "Annie what did you do?"

"I invited your mother for Christmas."

"You invited my mother?" Annie nodded. "Well..." Jeff put his hands in his pockets as he struggled to find the words to say, "…just ask next time, okay."

"You're not mad?"

"I'm a little surprised, but I guess it'll be nice. I haven't seen my mom in a while."

"She seemed surprised too."

"Yeah, I didn't tell my mom I got married; she probably assumed you were Slater. Did you tell her you were pregnant?"

"No, I figured that could be a nice Christmas surprise for her."

"As if her only son getting married wasn't enough of a surprise."

"So you're not mad?"

"No."

"What if I told you I invited your father?"

"Then I'd say it's too early for April Fool's." Annie nervously looked at the ground. "Annie?" She didn't say anything. "Annie?"

"IinvitedyourfatheroverforChristmas," she was hoping Jeff wouldn't understand her.

He did. "You did what!?"

"I found his number on your desk."

"And you invited him to our house?"

"Christmas is a time for family Jeff."

"Yeah, in a crappy _Hallmark_ movie! Jesus Annie, I can't believe you did that! What the hell were you thinking?" He noticed the tears well in her eyes. "Crap." She started walking away. "Annie, I-"

"I was thinking it would be nice for our baby to meet its grandparents. If I could, I would have invited my parents Jeff, but newsflash, they're dead and they have been for over three hundred years. I'm sorry for wanting my baby to have the family I never got to have. And here," Annie conjured up a pillow and blanket and threw them at Jeff, "sleep somewhere else tonight." He heard her slam the bedroom door.

"First fight?" Britta's sudden appearances were becoming less and less of a surprise to Jeff.

Jeff threw the pillow on the couch. "Don't you have other people to bother?"

"Relax, this'll all blow over by tomorrow…unless of course you're still an asshole about this." She inched her way toward the couch. "If you didn't want to see your dad then how come you had his number?"

"If you must know, I've had it for a couple of years before I met Annie. I've thought about making contact with the man but…" Jeff couldn't find the words to describe how bad his father ruined everything.

"Hey, I know how you feel. I didn't really grow up with a dad and then I got stuck with Pierce. And honestly, if he were alive and didn't try to kill us Annie would invite him too. She means well."

"Yeah, but she has no idea what it's like when William and Doreen are the in the same room together. This whole get-together is an accident waiting to happen."

"Would it make you feel better if your friends were there? You realize when I say 'friends' I mean Shirley, the boys, and I guess you can consider me a friend by this point and not family," Britta said the last part with a bitter tone feeling a bit stung after Annie's remark about never having a family.

"I know what you meant, but I'd really rather you stay away. However, you do the opposite of whatever you're told so…don't show up too early okay."

"Cool, I'll bring a vegan pie."

"That nasty crap you brought at Thanksgiving? For the love of all things holy, I beg you not to bring anything with you."

"Not even presents?" Jeff raised an eyebrow to her. "Presents that I bought at a legit store."

"Ooh, you used a Troy Term."

Britta smiled. "I guess when you hang out with someone you love so much, some things just rub off. I've noticed that with you and Annie too."

"Are we having an actual conversation?"

"I know it's weird!"

"Wait, why are you even here?"

"I was bored; I thought it'd be polite to invite myself to your party in person."

"Well that's very…considerate of you I guess."

"That reminds me, I got a few stuff for the baby."

"Planning on corrupting my child early on, eh?"

Britta scowled at him. "But not all of it is exactly gender neutral, so I just wanted to make sure the baby was going to be here by Christmas."

"Oh yes Britta, I can give you a one-hundred percent guarantee that my child will be born by December 25th."

"There's no need for you to constantly be sarcastic."

"Believe me, there is."

"I just thought since it's due on Christmas Eve Eve…"

"Look, babies hardly arrive on their actual due dates. I've heard that the first baby is usually late, but that's not always true. Don't be surprised if we're not at the hospital on Monday."

"If Annie wanted she could magically bring on the labor."

"Yes, but she doesn't want to, and neither do I. Waiting sucks, I know, but some things are just worth the wait."

Britta smirked and started dancing in her seat. "Uhm-hmm."

"What?"

"That last thing you said isn't something a guy like you would usually say," Britta began poking him relentlessly and repeatedly sing-songing, "You got that from Annie. You got that from Annie."

"Jeff!" Annie called from upstairs.

"Yeah?" Jeff called back to her.

"Can you come up and apologize now? I don't wanna come down this time."

Britta suspiciously raised an eyebrow. "This time?"

"Goodbye Britta," Jeff waited until Britta left before taking the pillow and blanket back upstairs. He went into their bedroom and laid beside his wife. "I'm sorry I freaked out about you inviting my parents for Christmas."

"And I'm sorry I didn't ask before I went and did that."

"I know your intentions were good, but so were mine. I don't want you or our baby to have to put up with what I had to when I was a kid. You have no idea what my parents were like when they were together."

"Aww," Annie kissed him. "I can never stay mad at you for too long."

"I know, I'm lovable."

She playfully swatted at him before changing the subject. "So your talk with Britta didn't involve screaming this time."

"A new record."

"I take it Britta invited everyone over for Christmas as well?"

"I think she might have been stung when you said that you didn't have a family."

"I figured, and I'll explain myself to her later."

"She also wants to make sure that we have the baby by Christmas."

"Britta always was the most impatient; she'll probably ask me to use magic to make the baby come faster."

"You can if you want."

"What? Y—you want me to?"

"Only if you want to. I mean yeah the waiting is hard on everybody, but you're always complaining about being pregnant and if you want to get it over with then…"

"Aww," Annie gave him another kiss, "that's sweet of you; but I told you I'm trying to give up magic. I want to experience things the way normal people do and that includes having a baby."

Jeff gave her a special look. "You're awesome, you know that?" She smiled back with pride. "Well if you can wait, I can wait."

"Who knows; maybe we won't have to wait much longer."

…

With much excitement, Troy ran over to the _Christmas Countdown Calendar_ after waking up and opened the box for the twenty-fourth. "Caramel!" he stated with delight before shoving the chocolate in his mouth. He noticed Britta's (evil) cat Jinx make his way over to Troy. "Get your own chocolate, bed stealer!" In response, the feline hissed at Troy. "You are evil!"

"I tried to convince Britta to get rid of him," Abed went to his _Christmas Countdown Calendar_.

"And?"

"No luck," he ate his candy. "Coconut again."

"Nice…about the coconut part anyway."

"They say that Christmas is a time for miracles; perhaps our miracle will come in the form of Jinx falling from the fire escape."

"Yeah, but Christmas is also a time for being nice and it's not nice to wish for animals to die."

"Then you should note that I didn't say die; I said fall from the fire escape. Cats have nine lives and almost often land on their feet, I'm sure it'd survive and run far, far away." Troy couldn't help but laugh at this.

"What's so funny?" Britta inquired as she came out of her bedroom.

"Nothing," the boys simultaneously lied.

"I didn't want to know anyway," Britta made her way over to the regular calendar on the wall. Ready with a marker, she Xed off the twenty-third. "Baby Winger's due date has come and gone." She let out a groan. "I was hoping to give out its Christmas gifts on Christmas but that ain't happenin'."

"Why can't you give the baby's gifts to the baby's parents?" Troy questioned.

"Because the baby's parents don't know what their baby is and not everything I bought is gender neutral. I mean yeah nothing's pink or fluffy or anything but I did buy some cute clothes and accessories obviously for girl babies."

"What kind of accessories can a baby have?"

"You don't want to know. Irregardless, I can't give that stuff to them before the baby's born, it'll spoil the surprise."

"But you like spoiling things for Jeff."

"Yes, but not for Annie." Britta sighed and leaned against the wall. "This waiting sucks," she looked down as Jinx started rubbing up against her leg. "Well at least I have Jinx here." She scooped the cat in her arms. "And he's such a good kitty, yes he is. Yes he is."

"You have me too you know!" Troy called to her as she carried Jinx off. "I'm losing my girlfriend to a cat."

Abed tilted his head toward their artificial Christmas tree. "That might not be the case when Britta sees the Christmas gift you got her."

Troy garnered his attention to a bag that rested on the entertainment center near the tree. "It is a pretty nice gift, expensive though. Abed, what if she doesn't like it and wants me to take it back. I mean, Britta's a feminist person and…" he lost his train of thought, "...I just wish I knew what her reaction would be beforehand." Abed merely shrugged. "So, do you have any Christmas Eve plans?"

"Last minute shopping, wrapping presents, possible dinner with Rachel, watching the _Inspector Spacetime_ Christmas specials again, my day is full."

"Nice. Can I go shopping with you too?"

"Sure," the two of them said nothing more as they got their coats and left without closing the door all the way.

Not even a full minute later, a terrified Jinx came running into view as Britta chased him with a doll bonnet. "Jinx!" Jinx leapt onto the entertainment center knocking over the bag. "Jinx!" Britta suddenly stopped chasing him when she noticed what had fallen out of the bag.

It was one of those boxes she had seen before—whether it was a movie or TV show was unclear at this point—but she knew this was a ring box. And a ring was most likely sitting aside.

"Holy crap," she stared at the box for a few moments questioning whether or not she should sneak a peek at what truly was inside. "No!" she threw the box back into the bag. "No, I'm probably blowing this out of proportion." She eyed the bag again. "But what if I'm not?" She let out a loud groan of uncertainty. "Shirley," she called to thin air, "meet me at Annie's; we have a potential girl crisis on our hands."

…

"Britta should be here soon," Annie casually informed Jeff as she kept her eyes on her book. Two seconds later, Britta appeared. "Britta's here."

"Britta," Jeff sounded as though he had an insult or a quip planned, "nice to see you pop in for what I hope is a non-literal spell."

"Is something wrong Britta?"

Britta pulled a very pregnant Annie off the couch. "Annie, we need to have a girl talk _now_." Britta kept a firm hold of Annie's arm and led her into the kitchen.

"Britta, if this is about the baby then-"

"No," the blonde interrupted, "I have a potential girl crisis."

"This better not be about Jinx again." It took a moment for Annie to sit down and get comfortable.

"Do all of you have some sort of grudge against my cat? You guys seemed okay with Duncan's cat."

"Duncan's cat is not evil."

"Honestly, I don't know where you get this idea that Jinx is evil. Is it just because he's a black cat? Because if that's the case then you guys are being racist."

"Your cat is evil!" Jeff shouted from the other room.

"This isn't about my non-evil cat!"

Shirley hurried into the kitchen wearing an elf costume. "Come on, come on let's get this over with!"

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"If you must know, I'm doing volunteer work."

"Again?"

"Christmas is the perfect time for giving. I'm going to be reading to the sick kids at the hospital before one of our volunteers dresses as Santa and passes out gifts."

Annie put her hand around her heart. "Aww."

Britta, meanwhile, made a face. "Ugh." Shirley scowled at her. "Sorry, I just don't like kids." This remark earned an 'Oh really?' look from Annie. "I like babies; but once they get older, then I just don't care. I don't like kids, get over it, now for my crisis." Britta sat in between them and took a deep breath. "I think Troy is going to propose to me tomorrow."

"Wait a tick," Jeff interrupted before the other women even had time to unleash their excitement, "Annie, are you going to let out a loud scream of excitement?"

"Yes!" Annie responded.

"Okay give me a sec," there was some movement on his end for a few seconds. "Proceed." The ladies proceeded with their excited screams.

Was Britta appalled by that? "You guys are actually excited?"

"Should we list the reasons why?" Shirley questioned back.

"Who the hell are you people and what have you done with Shirley and Annie?"

"Britta, are you sure this is for real?" Annie asked.

"I saw the ring box Annie."

"You did?" Britta nodded. "So what did it look like?"

"Like a ring box."

"No, silly, I meant the ring."

"I didn't look at the ring."

"You didn't look?" Shirley questioned her. "If you didn't look then how do you know it's even an engagement ring?"

"I…I don't."

"Britta!" even Annie joined in on this one.

"I guess we're just gonna have to find out tomorrow."

"Or…" Shirley paused, "…or you could sneak a peek before he gets back and give us all the details."

Britta flashed a small smile. "You know what, I think I'm gonna wait til tomorrow. Good things come to those who wait and what not."

"Do you want to be engaged to Troy, plan a beautiful wedding, and no longer live in sin? If so, wouldn't you want that happen as soon as possible?" With a coy smirk, Britta disappeared. Shirley let out a noise of annoyance. "Lord, I'm getting impatient with everything."

"Yeah, hey are we done with the girly conversation and screaming?" Jeff called from the other room. "I'd like to take these earplugs out before Christmas."

"We're done!" Annie called back to him.

Jeff entered the kitchen mid earplug removal. "Blondie goin' after Dagwood?"

"We don't know, she just left."

"Yeah well," he turned his attention to Shirley, "speaking of just leaving…"

Unlike Britta, Shirley knew when she wasn't wanted and respected their privacy. "I have someplace I need to be anyway. I'll see you both tomorrow," she gave Annie a hug and then she was gone.

"Now that we're alone I need to have a little chat with you." Annie bit her lip in nervousness. "You don't have to get all nervous and crap I just need to know exactly what William said when you talked to him." She gave him a confused look. "My dad; what did he say when you talked to him?"

"Jeff, I didn't talk to him," Annie explained. "I left a message inviting him but he's never contacted me back."

"Seriously?"

"I did manage to talk to your mother and she said she would be here."

"But there's a good chance William won't show up?"

"Not unless he surprises you."

Jeff did a fist bump to the air. "Hallelujah, he's not coming!"

"What? How do you know?"

"William never surprises me. The man never did anything for me on Christmas either. I'm in the clear with him."

"You should get him something anyway in case he does show up."

"I'll get him something when he makes up for all those Christmases he never got me anything."

"Don't you think you're being a little childish?"

"No."

"Why don't you make the first move?"

"I'm not trying to romantically pursue my father."

"I meant you should contact him first. You have his number. Call him, get his address, meet with him, patch things up."

"No, no, no, and no."

"Well regardless of whether or not you interact with your father, I'm going to see to it that your child gets the opportunity to meet its grandfather at least once…whether you like it or not." Annie tried to get up, but struggled. "Could you?" Like a gentleman, Jeff helped Annie stand up so that she could huff and storm out of the room as best she could, resulting in a small laugh from Jeff.

…

"I'm just going to wait until tomorrow," Britta said to herself as her eyes glanced to the bag. "I might be making a bigger deal out of this than I should, and it's probably nothing."

"Are you talking to yourself?" Britta screamed, unaware that Troy was behind her until he spoke.

"Troy! You…you didn't hear anything did you?"

"So you wanna open one of your presents, so what? It's hard to wait for Christmas sometimes."

"You seem pretty patient."

"I grew up a Jehovah's Witness; we didn't celebrate holidays."

"Oh."

"But Abed and I have a tradition where we each open one present on Christmas Eve."

"You do?"

"Apparently a lot of people do that. We were gonna ask you and Shirley to join us later and open one present."

"Were you? Wow, that sounds…that sounds fun."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm cool. I'm super cool. The super cooliest."

Troy gave her a confused look. "Yeah, cool. Oh, and I know he's an evil little bastard, but Christmas is a time to be nice so I got a present for Jinx. You can open it for him tonight if you want."

"You got something for Jinx?"

Troy pointed over by the tree where a box with a scratching post inside and Jinx's name on the outside was waiting. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed."

"You didn't wrap it?"

"I didn't wrap a few of my gifts yet. If you think you can wait, I can save one unwrapped gift for you."

"I can wait!" she said that almost too eagerly.

"Britta, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, really. I'm just excited."

"Maybe you should take a nap."

"I guess that might be a good idea. Oh, but I gotta feed Jinx first."

"I'll do it. You know, being nice and what not."

"Aww," Britta gave Troy a sweet kiss, "you are the most awesome boyfriend ever." She closed the door after she went into her room.

With an annoyed sigh, Troy readied Jinx's lunch. "Chow time you stupid cat." This got no response. "Right, he hates me," Troy began to shake the food, but Jinx still didn't come. "Food!" Usually when someone yelled food, people and animals would pile in but Jinx did not. "Jinx!" Troy searched the apartment for Britta's cat, twice, to no avail. He even made sure the windows were shut, and they were so there was no way Jinx could have gotten out. The only logical way would have been if someone left the door open.

Troy's eyes widened as he realized the door was opened slightly when he and Abed got back from shopping and Britta hadn't been home giving Jinx the perfect opportunity to escape. Without thinking anything else, he bolted out of the apartment and began his quest to find the missing cat.

…

Shirley was singing carols as she baked in Casa de Britrobed that evening. Abed and Britta sat in the living room in awkward silence as each of them waited for Troy.

"Are you sure you didn't see him leave?" Abed questioned her.

Britta groaned. "For the hundredth time Abed, yes I'm sure!"

"That was only the thirteenth time."

"Whatever! I didn't see him leave!"

"Fourteenth."

"What baffles me," Shirley began from the kitchen, "is why he just took off in the first place without his phone or his keys. He didn't leave a note or anything?"

"No, and it's highly unlike him to take off like this, especially on Christmas Eve."

"So…" Britta tried to start a conversation, "...do we just sit here and wait, or should we go look for him with no idea where he might be."

"You and Shirley are witches; can't you track him?"

"I don't remember the tracking spell," Britta looked in Shirley's direction, "apparently someone was under the impression we would never need it again."

Shirley's sweet gaze turned sour. "That spellbook was evil and I did us all a favor. It's not my fault you couldn't remember it."

"And you can?" Shirley didn't say anything and went back to her baking. "Yeah, I thought so." Britta got up. "I'm going to look for him."

Abed also rose from his seat. "Me too, we might be able to find him if we split up and cover more ground."

"Wouldn't you like to have a mini pie before you begin your search?" Shirley inquired.

"This is no time for your baked goods; we're on a mission."

"Oh…okay then. I suppose I'll stay here in case he comes back."

"Cool, cool," Abed was the first out the door.

Britta was about to leave, but she came back inside to tell Shirley, "No peeking at the presents."

…

Annie was startled awake at about four in the morning. "Jeff," she shook her husband to try and get him up, "Jeff." With a sigh, she picked up the book on the nightstand and hit him with it. "JEFFREY!"

"WHAT?" this got him up. "Is it time?"

"No."

"Geez Annie, it's almost four in the morning," he let out a massive yawn before lying back down, "it's too early to open presents."

"Jeff, I think someone's outside."

"It's Santa, go back to sleep."

"I'm being serious. Go check for me!"

With an annoyed moan, Jeff got up. "Ten to one it's that raccoon again."

Then came knocking on the door. "Raccoon huh?"

"Go back to sleep, I'll take care of this," with a yawn, Annie laid back down as Jeff put on his bathrobe over his tank top and shorts and headed for the stairs. "I swear to God if this is Troy or Abed I'm going to bludgeon them with a candy cane." He tiredly made his way downstairs and opened the door. "Shirley?"

"Jeffrey, I'm worried," the next thing he knew, Shirley was inside.

"Thank you for knocking before barging into my house at four in the morning."

"Troy, Abed, and Britta aren't back yet."

"Did Barbie take Bill and Ted on an excellent adventure?"

"Abed and Britta went looking for Troy around eight-thirty last night and I haven't heard from any of them."

"Looking for Troy? Why?"

Shirley shrugged. "Abed came home and Troy wasn't there. Britta was taking a nap when Troy left without warning, so she has no idea where he is either."

"Did you call the police?"

"I thought about it, but I wanted to make sure it was okay with Abed and Britta but I couldn't get a hold of them. Oh my Lord, what if something happened to them?"

"Calm down, I'm sure they're okay. Can you track them with a spell or something?"

"The tracking spell was in the spellbook and neither Britta nor I remember it? Do you know if Annie knows it?"

"I dunno if she does or not."

"Should we bother her with this?"

"She probably fell back asleep by this point. We'll let her worry about this later. I'll help you look. It shouldn't be this hard to find at least one out of three people in this city." He was about to leave the house in his current wardrobe before Shirley waved her hand and changed his attire. "Oh, like it matters what I wear."

…

A good while later (a little over two and a half hours), an uncomfortable Annie rolled over in bed expecting to feel Jeff's shoulder, but instead his side was empty. "Jeff?" she looked around the room. "Did he fall asleep on the couch again?" Too tired to get up, she used magic to conjure up a View-Master toy and used it to search her living room. "Nope," she clicked the button and searched the other areas of her house, and Jeff wasn't in any of them. "He doesn't work today, does he?" Annie snapped her fingers and her cell phone appeared in her hand. "Wherever he is, he has a lot of explaining to do." Annie called his number but all she got was his voicemail. Hanging up the phone in exasperated annoyance, she used her magic to get her mini crystal ball to get a hold of Britta or Shirley. Instead, she got a hold of neither. Likewise when she tried with Troy and Abed. "Are they planning a surprise or…" her sentence was cut off by a sudden pang around her abdomen. "Oh no, not now!"

"Hey Annie!" someone called from downstairs. "Your door was unlocked so I came in to use the bathroom. That cool?"

"Troy?"

"Yeah."

"I need your help."

…

Jeff stopped his car when he spotted another familiar car in a parking lot. As he found a place to park, he used his phone to call Shirley (ignoring the warning that he had messages). "Shirley, I found Abed's car."

"Oh good," Jeff jumped when he realized Shirley was sitting in the passenger seat beside him.

"Don't do that! It's creepy," he was the first out of the Lexus with Shirley following behind him. Jeff peeked into the other car to make sure it was Abed before tapping on the car window to get a sleeping Abed's attention. "Rise and shine Prince Valium."

Abed rolled down his window and addressed Jeff. "Shirley get worried and ask for your help finding us?"

"Geez Abed, did you spend the night here?"

"I pulled over around one in the morning exhausted. I didn't expect to fall asleep here. Did you find Troy?"

"No, and we didn't find Britta either."

"Did Troy try calling any of us?"

"He didn't bring his cell phone Abed," Shirley reminded.

"True, but he had his wallet. He always keeps his wallet in his pants pocket until he changes into his pajamas, then he sets his wallet in his underwear drawer."

"And you know this how?"

Jeff was checking his phone. "No calls from Troy, but I got one from Annie."

Shirley checked her phone. "I did too."

Abed followed suit. "Same here."

Jeff smacked his forehead. "I forgot to leave Annie a note or something; she has no idea where I am." He called his wife.

 _"Hello?"_ Annie answered on the other end.

"Merry Christmas Mrs. Winger."

_"Jeff? Jeff, where are you?"_

"Shirley was the one knocking on the door this morning. Apparently Troy went missing and Abed and Britta went looking for him. Shirley hadn't heard from any of them so she came to ask me for help. I wasn't supposed to be gone so long but we could not find them. Sorry, I didn't leave a note or anything."

_"Oh, well that's good; I'm just glad to know you're okay and not dead or anything. Jeff."_

"Yeah?"

_"Two things."_

"Okay."

_"One, Merry Christmas to you too."_

"And two?"

_"I found Troy."_

"You found Troy?" he lowered the phone and addressed Shirley and Abed. "Annie found Troy." He raised the phone back to his ear. "How did you know he was missing?"

_"I didn't. He came by to use the bathroom, our door was unlocked apparently."_

"And you didn't question why?"

_"No."_

"Okay, great. Keep him there at the house and we'll be right over."

_"I think that might be a bit of a problem."_

"Did he leave?"

_"No."_

"Then how is it a problem?"

_"Because he's driving me to the hospital."_

Jeff's eyes widened in terror. "He's doing what?"

"Driving me to the hospital. I started having some weird pains in my stomach. I wasn't sure if they were contractions or not but…I'm sure you get where I'm going with this. I hope you don't mind but we borrowed that spare car in the garage."

"Holy crap! Uh…I…do that breathing crap." He demonstrated the method over the phone.

_"Ugh, that sounds so embarrassing when you do that. Just meet us at the hospital please."_

"Right…yeah." Annie had hung up by the time he brought his phone down. "Holy crap!" he ran to his car.

"Jeffrey?" Shirley tried to follow, but he took off. "Oh."

"Annie's probably having the baby," Abed nonchalantly informed. "He probably wouldn't freak out this much if he was there when it happened but because he's not, so you see where I'm going with this."

"Oh my Lord!"

"Hop in, I'll drive you." Abed waited until Shirley was situated before driving off. He managed to stay on course for a few blocks before a certain blonde caught his eye. Naturally, he honked the horn to get her attention.

Britta ran over to the car. "Hear anything from Troy?"

"Apparently Annie found Troy and from the context clues she's in labor and he's taking her to the hospital."

"FINALLY!" Britta snapped herself into the backseat. "Drive!"

…

Britta growled in annoyance as she entered the Winger's House fourth and slumped on their couch.

A still pregnant and guilty looking Annie entered with a much calmer Jeff behind her. "Sorry everyone."

"Oh Annie, you have nothing to be sorry for," Shirley assured her.

"I was actually hoping for a false alarm," Abed casually stated. "It's happened in some of the best television episodes and the mediocre sequel to the _Father of the Bride_ remake. I thought it would be cool to experience." Everyone gave him a disbarring look but he shrugged it off.

"Well," Jeff closed the door behind him, "since Shirleylocks and the three Britrobedders are here, we might as well start celebrating. Go get your presents." A still bitter Britta snapped her fingers and all of the presents from under the tree Casa de Britrobed appeared under their tree. Shirley waved her hands and her presents, and baked goods from earlier, were soon there as well. "Well, that's one way of doing it."

They sat around in a mini circle opening their gifts. There wasn't really much to open, just clothes, DVDs, watches, bracelets, gift cards, a few books (though most of the books were movie novelizations for Abed), and action figures. It was just miscellaneous gifts given among friends.

Troy noticed something was off, "Are you sure that's it? Those are everyone's presents?"

"Not exactly," Jeff pointed to the box. "Who gets the scratching post, Britta?"

"It's for Jinx," Britta told him with a sneer. "I'll bring him over."

"NO!" the other five stopped her before she could completely snap her fingers.

"Okay, okay, I'll give it to him later."

"No, you won't," Troy somberly stated.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Jinx isn't at the apartment."

"Of course he is."

"No, he's not. When he didn't get his food I searched the apartment for him and he wasn't there."

"What?"

"Someone must have accidentally left the door open and he got out. I didn't want you to find out so I tried to find him, but I couldn't. I guess I spent the whole day and night looking for him. I'm sorry." There was a brief pause for a moment before Britta gave him a kiss on his cheek. "What was that for?"

"For what you did. I know you don't like Jinx, but you spent your entire day and night looking for him for me. I can't thank you enough for that."

"I figured that would be a better Christmas present for you than what I actually got you."

"That Minerva action figure and sweater? Sure, it's not my style but-"

"Not that. I have another present for you back at home."

"Oh this?" Britta snapped her fingers and made the bag off the entertainment center appear. "I know what it is."

"You do?"

"Jinx knocked it over and the box fell out."

"Did you look inside the box?"

"No, but I have a pretty good idea what's inside it and…" she looked at an anticipating Shirley and Annie, "…and my answer is yes."

"No screaming," Jeff instructed the women before they had the chance to open their mouths.

Troy looked at Britta confused. "Yes to what? You don't know what's inside."

"True," Britta lifted the box, her attention given to Troy, "but it's pretty to figure out that there's a…" Britta looked inside the box, "...locket inside." Out of the corner of her eye, Britta noticed Annie and Shirley express disappointment.

"Actually I was gonna ask if you wanted me to engrave it for you."

"Oh."

"Did you think there was something else in there?"

"No," Britta quickly lied. "Troy...it's nice, really." That last remark was the truth.

"You didn't open it." She shot him a confused look. "You can open it you know," he opened the locket for her to reveal a picture of the two of them inside. Britta didn't say anything, but she just stared at it. "Do you like it?"

She looked up at him unable to control the tears welling in her eyes. "I love it," she wrapped her arms around him. "I don't deserve you."

"Aww," Shirley and Annie swooned while Jeff rolled his eyes at this.

"I think this is a tender display of affection," Abed commented as they watched Troy and Britta kiss. "A proposal would have been nice, but I knew that wasn't expected."

"How?" Shirley inquired.

"I picked out the locket."

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Remind me again why I'm doing this?" Jeff questioned as he painted Annie's toenails a few days later.

"Abed noticed that pregnant women get their toes painted and he wanted to know why," Annie explained. "Is it supposed to do something or what? I don't see the point in this."

"Yeah, this is weird. And it's not like you're actually gonna see my surprisingly awesome results. Can I stop now?"

"Might as well finish the rest of them." Jeff groaned and continued painting her toenails. "Did your mom give you and update on your Aunt Cheryl?"

"Yeah, Aunt Cheryl's doing better, but she's gonna be in the cast for another two weeks. And, despite her presence not being requested on my end, my mother will be over tomorrow to celebrate New Year's."

"Hear anything from your dad?"

"Nope."

"Me neither."

"Let's keep it that way, shall we?"

"If that's what you want."

"Is there seriously any point to this toenail painting thing?"

"I think it's so that the couple can spend more time together."

"Then why couldn't we just play video games or something that requires us sitting on our asses?"

"That's about all I can do now. Just sit on my ass and watch mindless daytime television."

"Don't Tootie and Blair usually appear whenever it's convenient for them?"

"I still don't get these references."

"Then you need to watch more classic television."

"You could at least explain your references like Abed does. And yes, the girls do pop in for visits but lately Shirley and Britta have a tendency to get…deeply invested in soap operas."

"Britta?" Annie nodded. "That I find hard to believe."

"Britta's always loved drama."

"And now it makes more sense."

"Come closer so I can hit you."

"It's hard to say nice things about Britta and I'm sure it's hard for her to say nice things about me. That's why she has Troy and I have you."

"Aww, that's sweet. Bet you never said that a girl before and meant it."

"Oh, I've said things like that to other women before." She narrowed her eyebrows to him. "You know where I'm going with the next part."

"You never meant it until you met me."

Jeff finished painting her toenails and sat next to her on the couch. He gave her a quick kiss. "And you didn't have to do that creepy mind reading thing to know that…right?"

"Obviously," the couple shared another kiss that would have gone on for a while had Annie not pulled away.

"What?"

"The baby kicks really hard when we kiss like that," she grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach, "Feel!"

Jeff moved his hand around her enormous stomach. "That must feel weird from your perspective. Does it hurt when it kicks like that?"

"It just feels weird." Annie sighed and her mood became more sullen.

Jeff didn't need to read her mind to understand. "I know." He patted her hand.

"There has to be some reason why our baby's not here yet. It's been a week! Tomorrow it'll be a week and day!"

"Annie, chill. The doctor even said that babies can be two weeks overdue; it's not like all babies are born on their actual due dates. I wasn't."

"Were you late?"

"Me? Hell no I was two weeks early." Annie let out a grunt of dissatisfaction. "That didn't really help did it?"

"No! Shirley and Britta said I was early too. Why couldn't we have an early baby?"

"Okay, seriously calm down. Need I remind you that you were the one who wanted to do it all naturally, waiting included."

"I think I changed my mind." Annie used her magic to bring a book to her.

"You know I could've gotten that for you."

"Shut up," she flipped to pages near the end and read.

Jeff just sat there for a few moments before breaking the silence. "So should I just keep sitting here doing nothing while you read? Didn't you already read that one?"

"I'm rereading some of the things that bring on labor."

"I can name one of them."

"I figured you'd know about sex, that's why I'm looking for other options."

"Well that kinda stung."

"Spicy food is one thing."

"You hate spicy food."

"Yes, but have you noticed some of the other things I've eaten in the last few months?"

"Point taken. What's another option?"

"Castor oil."

"A non-food related option?"

"Walking."

"You do that every day—though I'm sure it's more waddling by this point."

"Extended walking. We could try walking around the neighborhood for a half hour or so."

"Yeah, but it's cold out...and we have cars."

"Jeff-"

"It says so right there," he pointed to a paragraph in the book, "sex is a better method to bring on labor. It's worked for some of the women in those classes we took, I've seen it work on more than one of those clichéd sitcoms, and if that kiss was stimulating enough to get that baby active then…" Annie rolled her eyes at that notion. "Plus once the kid's born it's gonna be a long while before we get the chance to do it again."

"Not necessarily. Our baby already has four people willing to devote their time, attention, and love to it."

"That's another thing, I'm sick of calling my kid an 'it'."

"Need I remind you that _you_ were the one who wanted it to be a surprise."

"Yeah, but _you_ can find out with magic."

"Which _you_ don't like me using."

"I never said that."

"You just prefer I don't because it's different for you and different is scary." Annie noticed his expression had altered a tad. "You want to know if it's magic or not."

"That would be nice to know in advanced, yes."

"I don't have the answer. Only full-blooded wizards and witches are born magic. Witches like Shirley and Britta acquire theirs at any age depending on the full-blood."

"What about you?"

"I told you: I inherited my magic, but I didn't get it until I was two. You also need to remember I'm not full witch Jeff; my father was mortal."

"I'm mortal too."

"So that would mean our baby would have mostly mortal blood. There's a chance it won't be magic, or will be born magic but get its powers later in life."

"This is a topic of discussion every new parent has to worry about."

"Do you want a completely normal, non-magical baby?"

Jeff thought about that. "Well...even if it was magic I'd love it regardless."

"Of course."

"I'd just prefer for normalcy's sake that our child not have magic."

"Understandable."

"What about you?"

"I'm undecided, really."

"Ah, a neutral."

"Though I do know one person who wants our baby to be magical."

…

"Britta!" Troy pounded on the bathroom door the next morning. "Britta, other people need to get in there before 2014!"

"I'm doing my hair!" Troy heard her snap her fingers on the other end of the door.

"Don't you usually use the curling iron without magic?"

She snapped her fingers again. "I can't decide which style I like. I need to find one that goes with my outfit"

"And it matters _why_?"

Britta answered the door with a huff. "Because this is my first New Year's celebration in over three hundred years and I want to look nice."

"You always look nice."

"Thank you, but I also wanna look…I dunno… _presentable_. Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for: _presentable_."

"Is there another reason you wanna look _presentable_? Like Jeff's mom visiting."

"She has to be the reason why Jeff is a somewhat productive member of society and not locked up in a mental institution or prison. If I'm going to meet the woman who raised Jeff Winger, I have to look nice, presentable, and…confident. Is that a good word to use there?"

"You know, I've never met Jeff's mom. I've worked for Jeff since 2009 and I've never met his mother."

"You think there's a reason why?"

"Has Jeff ever said anything bad about his mother?"

"He doesn't say much about his mother. The only personal things I know include her maiden name and her celebrity crush: Fitzgerald and a 1950's Marlon Brando…or was it 1950's James Dean?"

"Do you even know her first name?"

"1950's Clark Gable?"

"Troy!" Britta brought him back to Earth.

"Well whoever it was, it was someone from the 50's…or was it 60's?"

"I asked you if you even know Jeff's mother's first name."

"Sure, it's Doreen. I don't think I've ever heard him call her 'Mom'. See, every time it's Mother's Day or her birthday Jeff's like 'Hey Simon, you and Garfunkel get down to _Hallmark_ and get Doreen a card—maybe a stuffed animal or something—just keep it under twenty bucks'."

Britta laughed at Troy's imitation of Jeff. "Such a considerate son. And really, _Simon and Garfunkel_?"

"Often times he'll use Hall and Oates, Loggins and Messina, Itchy and Scratchy, Terrence and Phillip, Yakko and Wakko, Penn and Teller, Chip and Dale, Bert and Ernie, Gilbert and Sullivan, Ben and Jerry, Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy, or any variations of two of the Three Stooges. Ooh, one time he called us Thelma and Louise."

"He called Shirley and me that last one before too."

"I think he has a fascination with famous duos."

"Is he insulting us when he does that?"

"I'm still not even sure to this day. Abed's flattered, but most times I'm always confused. Seriously, can I use the bathroom now?"

…

"Why didn't you tell your mom about me?" Annie questioned Jeff as he adjusted his outfit.

"Didn't feel like it," he answered with both honesty and uninterest.

"Isn't it kind of a big deal? I mean you've finally settled down and almost started a family. Don't you think at least your mother would like to know this?"

"I'm sure she would, I just chose not to tell her."

"Why not?"

"Because then that would give my mother an excuse to constantly be in my life. I love that woman, but I can only take so much of Doreen."

"Gee, I hope that doesn't imply anything when it comes to me."

"It's not like that with you, and it never will be. I grew up with Doreen. I was with her every day of my life for the first eighteen years. She's still in my life, but not as often and rarely in person, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. One can only take so much of their family. Okay, that last statement probably didn't turn out right either but-"

"I got the point you were trying to make; the family you were born into and not the family you chose."

"I had a feeling you'd get it," he finished with his tie and joined Annie on the bed. "You're way too awesome, you know that right?"

"Thank you," she leaned in for a lingering kiss that was cut off by the muffled, yet still identifiable sound of the late George Jones playing in the distance.

"And that would be my mother."

"How do you know?"

"She's the only woman I know who blares classic country music through her stereo. Hell, she's the only woman I know who still listens to classic country. You'd figure she'd be more of a 60's pop girl."

"How so?"

"From the photos I've seen, my mother was pretty hot in the 60's." Jeff smiled. "I am so grateful that both of my parents were attractive people. I tell you, this kid of ours is gonna be one good-looking son of a b—witch."

"Or daughter of a witch—and thank you for watching your language."

"Right, fifty-fifty option here." Jeff helped Annie off the bed as his mother knocked on the door. "Come on, I'll introduce you to Doreen."

"Hold that thought," Annie waddled toward the bathroom as the knocking on the door got more impatient.

"I'll meet you downstairs," he called to his wife as he hurried to the front door. With a sigh, he opened the door. Sure enough, his mother was waiting on the other side wearing a fashionable coat and designer sunglasses. "Hello, Mother."

"Jeffrey," she embraced her son in a hug. "So good to see you. How long has it been this time?"

"Not long enough," he pulled away. "I assume you brought crap you need me to carry in."

"Just a few belated Christmas presents for you, your wife, and my grandchild." As Jeff opened his mouth to speak, Doreen put her finger to his lips. "You didn't have to tell me, it was easy to figure out. You call marriage a sham and say it won't happen, decide to marry a woman for appearances' sake, but then that's mysteriously called off. Next I hear you instantly marry another woman, and I get a call from the new Mrs. Winger at Christmastime—a time of surprises and family. It's not hard to figure out Jeffrey."

"I never could fool you Mother."

"Such a clever boy you are," she patted his cheek. "Now, I can't wait any longer; I must meet my grandchild."

"Sorry to burst your bubble Grandma, but you do have to wait longer."

Doreen took off her sunglasses. "She's not here yet?"

"No she, or _he_ , is not here yet."

His mother chuckled. "Oh no Jeffrey, you're having a little girl."

"Mother, how many times to have to tell you to stop calling that fake psychic hotline?"

"I didn't have to call Madame Zena's to know this. You see, God always gets even with men like you by making their firstborns girls."

"Men like me?"

"A selfish, vain, egotistical, lazy jackass who goes through women like scissors through paper. Sure, they say they've changed and even if that's the case God still gets them back by giving them daughters."

"How is that bad exactly?"

"Oh, you wait…just wait."

"How I've missed your vague threats."

"Be a good son and go get my things."

"Sure thing Mommie Dearest."

"And don't drop anything!" she called to him as Annie started making her way downstairs. Once Jeff's mother heard the footsteps, she turned around with a big grin on her face. "You must be Annie." She hurried to the stairs. "Oh here, let me help you."

"Thank you Mother Winger," Annie thanked.

"Doreen, please. If you'd like, you could even call me 'Mom'." She guided Annie downstairs as Jeff carried a bunch of stuff in the house.

"Oh sure," he dropped what he was carrying by the door, "don't help me carry anything in."

"Your wife is carrying my grandchild. I believe that's a little more important than carrying my luggage."

"Annie this is my mother, Mom this is Annie," Jeff quickly (and unenthusiastically) introduced as he went back outside.

"Ignore him," Doreen helped Annie sit on the couch. "Now, let's get to know each other shall we? The first thing I want to know is how you met my son."

"Through friends," Annie's answer wasn't a complete lie.

"And you two are in fact legally married?"

"Yes, since March. Well, that was our first wedding. Our second wedding was in June."

"Two weddings, really?"

"Our first one was a spur of the moment kind of-"

"He didn't get you pregnant on the first date did he?"

"No, we didn't sleep together until a few days after our first wedding."

"See Mother," Jeff interrupted their conversation, "I can be a gentleman." He and Annie shared a smooch before he went back outside for another round of luggage. "How long are you staying again Ma?"

"Two days," Doreen answered back. "That won't be a problem for you will it Annie?"

"Oh no," Annie assured, "no, I won't mind. But I should warn you about-"

"Hello!" Britta seemingly appeared about of nowhere and went over to introduce herself. "Hi Mrs. Jeff's mom, I'm Annie's big sister Britta."

"Britta!"

"It's cool, I used the back door." Britta went over to Jeff's mom and shook hands. "I've heard about you. Is it cool if I call you Doreen?"

"Please do," Doreen pulled her hand away. "Your name is Britta?" Britta nodded. "My, what an unusual name for a person."

"Well, it wasn't really my choice."

"Britta, can I talk to you for a second in the kitchen?" Annie was trying to sound pleasant.

"Sure sis," Britta helped her "sister" off the couch and led her into the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well today is your New Year's party, I'm just showing up."

"It's eleven thirty in the morning."

"Doreen is here."

"That's because she let us know in advanced and she's staying with us for a couple of days. Why did you tell her you were my sister?"

"You and I can pass as sisters."

"Shirley and I can't. Did you forget about her; she's coming over too."

"Shirley can pass off as a really close friend."

"That hangs out with a girl my age? What if Doreen asks how we met?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something. Oh, does my hair look alright?"

"Britta-"

"It's not too curly at the bottom is it? Great, it probably came out all wrong," Britta stomped off toward the bathroom as Jeff came into the kitchen.

"Two questions: One, are you sure my mother didn't say anything to you? Two, what the hell is Britta doing here?"

"No, and apparently Britta is my big sister."

"That still doesn't explain why she's here."

"I'm not entirely sure," Annie leaned against the counter and put her hand on her stomach. "Probably because she wanted to meet your mom, but she used the party as an excuse."

"Well, if she's here it's only a matter of time before Siegfried and Roy show up with Oprah. Christ, this day is going to go on forever," he sat at the table and watched her as she stared off absentmindedly rubbing her middle. "Babe, you okay?"

"Hmm?"

"I was just asking if you were alright. You look a little pale."

"I'm fine; it's just some mild discomfort."

" _Mild discomfort_? Is that code for contractions?"

"No, I'm just really sore and now I have a headache."

"Britta has been known to cause headaches before. But hey, she's your _sister_." He put a sarcastic emphasis on the last term.

"Shut up."

"You sure you don't want me to sneak you out of here and take you to the doctor's or anyplace far away from these people?"

"No."

"Yeah but-"

"It's nothing serious, I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"You'd be the first to know if anything was up."

"Good," he patted her stomach. "You know, I think this kid's inherited our stubbornness."

"Just so long as it didn't inherit your forehead."

"Oof, low blow." Annie smiled proudly. "Okay you had your moment. We should probably get back in there and make up stories for my mother."

…

Troy parked his car across the street behind Abed's and got out to meet his friend. "Why'd you make me stop here?" Abed pointed across the street to a random house. "It's a house."

"Look in the window," Abed reached for something he kept in the front seat. "Take my binoculars."

"These things are awesome; they're like telephones for your eyes," he used the binoculars to get a good look. "Is that?" he started walking forward. "That's Jinx!"

"I thought I'd recognize the bald spot near his back leg."

"I gotta tell Britta we found him!"

"Or not."

"But-"

"I know Britta misses him, but we don't. Plus Jinx actually looks content."

"Do you know who lives there?"

"I asked a neighbor. She said some old guy and his socially unstable adult son."

"Should we at least tell Britta?"

"I suppose she has a right to know. You tell her, I'm going to meet Shirley and Dean Pelton at Jeff's house."

"Dean Pelton? Jeff invited him?"

"He sort of invited himself."

…

"And this is Jeff at Lake Tahoe when he was seven," Doreen sat in between Annie and Britta holding a photo album as an annoyed and embarrassed Jeff sat in the recliner with his hands buried in face.

"What's up with his head?" Britta inquired.

"I was going to take him to get a haircut, but he threw one of the biggest tantrums ever and I threatened to cut it myself if we didn't go. He locked himself in our bathroom and cut his hair himself."

"Oh my God, that's hilarious."

"He wanted to get it like one of those famous boys on the cover of a teen magazine his cousin Hannah had. I can't for the life of me remember who it was, but whoever it was must not be relevant today. Do you remember who it was Jeff?" Jeff just grumbled into his hands. "Well it was some early 80's teen heartthrob." She closed the photo album and stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I need to take my pills."

Britta watched Doreen pick up her purse and head to the bathroom before being nosy. "Jeff, what does your mother take pills for?"

"Don't know, don't care, as long as it gets rid of her for a few minutes," Jeff leaned back in his chair.

"Aren't you a caring son?"

Jeff's cell phone started to vibrate. "This better be good," he read over the text. "It's for you," he handed his phone to Britta.

Britta stared at the screen as another message. "It's an address from Abed; he's telling me to meet Troy there."

"Please go!"

"Sheesh, someone's got a stick up his ass."

"Britta," Annie politely began, "I think maybe you should go and see why Troy is wherever he is."

"But Doreen was about to show us Jeff's baby book. I want to see Jeff as a baby. It might give us insight as to what Baby Winger might look like."

"Troy might be in trouble and need your help."

"Then why did Abed get a hold of Jeff?"

"Because you refuse to use a cell phone and Abed knows you're here," Jeff answered back. "For the love of all things good and holy please go and see whatever it is they want you to see!"

"Fine," Britta stood up, "but I will be back."

"Oh goody." With a snap of her fingers, Britta was gone. "Annie, please tell me you know a spell that prevents her from coming back." Annie narrowed her eyes at Jeff. "Wouldn't that be best for everybody? I'd feel much better if she left."

"Feel better?" Annie looked at her husband with concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I can read your mind Jeff and I know you're lying."

"Okay, okay fine, this day is causing me a little bit of pain. It's probably stress related and will go away soon."

"Maybe we should go get you checked out."

"Annie, it's nothing. If anything we should get _you_ checked out."

"Jeff I'm fine, it's just mild discomfort."

"Then I've got some mild discomfort too."

"Jeff!"

"We both just need to take it easy. But please, please, please do not tell my mother that I'm in physical pain."

"What if it does get too serious Jeff? I can't drive you to the hospital."

"That's what Shirley's for. Out of the people who never leave us alone, I trust her the most. I'm actually looking forward to her coming."

Jeff's mother came back into the living room. "Where did Britta go?"

"She had to go meet her boyfriend somewhere," Annie informed her.

"Britta has a boyfriend? I'm actually surprised by this I thought she was…well I didn't think she was in a relationship with another man."

"Yeah, she does come off as a lesbian sometimes," Jeff casually remarked.

"Jeffrey!" Jeff just reclined back in his chair. With a disapproving nod, Doreen continued on a new topic. "Annie, dear, can we expect more people besides Britta to show up today?"

"Just a few more people," Annie answered back.

"Will your parents be coming?"

Before Annie could even come up with an answer, she was saved by someone at the door. "I'll get it," Jeff was more than happy to answer the door.

"Hello Jeffrey," Shirley proudly held up a Tupperware dish, "I brought brownies."

"And I brought chips and salsa," Craig held up what he had brought.

"He sort of invited himself," Abed said as he invited himself inside. "Hello Annie. Hello Doreen, I'm the guy who actually buys _Hallmark_ cards for you on Mother's Day and your birthday."

"Yes, you're one of Jeff's friends," Doreen remembered.

"Abed Nadir; my friend Troy Barnes should be arriving with his girlfriend once they settle something."

"Oh, Jeffrey's mother," Shirley set her brownies down and introduced herself. "I'm Shirley; I'm a longtime friend of Annie's. It's so nice to meet you."

"Jeffrey," Pelton whispered as he started adjusting his wardrobe, "you didn't tell me your mother was such an attractive woman."

Jeff made a face of extreme disgust. "Please tell me you don't have the hots for my mother."

"I've always fantasized about you calling me 'Daddy'."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Mrs. Winger," Craig hurried over to Doreen and introduced himself. After that, he gave her a kiss on her hand. While it flattered Jeff's mother, it did not flatter Jeff.

"Classic jealousy episode," Abed appearing beside him out of nowhere made Jeff jump, "the single mother's only child is threatened by a potential suitor."

"That is so _not_ the case," Jeff responded back.

"If the parents are divorced, the child will try to bring them back together. Other times a child will try to set their parent up with another adult friend that the parent will never be romantically involved with or eventually fall for, or the child and a friend will try to hook up their single parents."

"For starters: I am not a child. If my mother did see someone, I'd prefer it be with someone I have never come in contact with."

Shirley giggled her way over to Jeff and Abed. "Ooh Jeffrey, I think there's a little love connection." Jeff's response was an eye roll, followed eerily by his hand going to his chest. "Jeffrey, are you alright? Why is your hand on your chest?"

"Because I'm suppressing the feeling of disgust and possible vomit. Keep an eye on Annie, I'll be right back," Jeff headed for the bathroom.

"Jeff is hiding something," Abed randomly said.

This garnered a look of both confusion and worry from Shirley. "What do you think is wrong with Jeff?"

"Dunno; but I'm pretty sure we're gonna have to go to the hospital at some point today. Hold on a sec, my Troy sense is tingling," as if on cue, Abed's phone rang.

"Yeah, that Troy sense is still wrong on so many levels."

"Hey Troy…how weird…wow, that is weird…I have no opinion on that, but I think that maybe…that might be a better scenario…cool." Abed hung up.

"What was that about Abed?"

"I found Britta's missing cat, called Troy to show him, we let Britta know, she poofed over there and demanded to meet the people who have her cat. The people are Jeff's father and younger half-brother."

"Oh my lord!"

"Yeah, it's a weird coincidence or perhaps a potential plot point—I’m still not sure. Britta suggested Troy bring William Sr to the house and she'll stay with Willy Jr and Jinx and help 'therapize' him."

" _Therapize_?"

"It's a Britta term."

"So Troy is bringing Jeff's father over? Oh Abed, I think that's a bad idea."

"Me too; but I really wanna meet Jeff's Dad."

"Abed!"

"I'm sure something positive will come out of this," Abed walked away.

A calmer Jeff came back into the living room. "Where'd Captain Emotion go?"

"Jeffrey," Shirley faced Jeff, "I've been meaning to ask you if you've made contact with your father yet."

"Nope."

"Are you going to?" Jeff raised his eyebrow in suspicion. "I'm just asking for your child's sake."

"I dunno, maybe once the baby's born. I'm sure at same point I'd want my kid to meet its grandfather and I could use it as an excuse to reunite with my father."

"That's nice, I suppose."

"I'll just have to be careful to never put William and Doreen in the same room together. That would be a bigger disaster than the Hindenburg."

"Oh?"

"Why'd you bring up my Dad?"

"Well…see…Abed-"

"Please don't tell me Abed wants to do a _Parent Trap_ scenario and get my parents together in hopes they'll fall in love again."

"That's it exactly! However, I told him 'no', and not to try to find your father." Shirley noticed Annie trying to get off the couch. "I'm going to go help Annie," Shirley hurried over to Annie and started leading her away. "Annie, sweetie, we need to talk."

Jeff watched that with an expression of confused suspicion. What was so important that Shirley had to tell his wife? There'd be no point trying to spy on them because the living room had witnesses to bust him. He could take Annie aside afterwards and get the answer out of her, but if something was up, there was a good chance he'd have to hide it from other people. Plus there were the chest pains he was trying to hide from everyone else (the nausea wasn't a big deal, having to deal with people like this always made him feel queasy) and he didn't want to do anything to make that worse.

"Maybe you should change," Abed startled him enough to make him jolt again.

"Holy crap, Abed! What are you trying to do give me a heart attack?" perhaps that was a poor choice in questioning.

Abed just tilted his head in observation. "Maybe you should change clothes. You seem to be sweating a lot."

"Sweating?" Jeff (nervously) laughed this off. "I don't sweat." Abed took out a notepad with a mechanical pencil in the spiral and started making notes. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Taking notes." Abed finished writing and put the notepad back in his jean pocket just as Annie came out of the kitchen alone.

"You know what, I don't want to know." Jeff left Abed and went over to his wife. "Everything okay?"

Annie nodded. "Everything's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Well…there is something you probably should know."

"What?"

"But first you should know that I had nothing to do with this and only just found out."

"Found out what? What are you not telling me?"

"I think we're about to have another guest crash our party."

He suddenly became worried. "Is everything okay? Is the baby coming?"

"No."

Jeff breathed a sigh of relief. "You had me worried for a minute. What's really up?"

"Someone else is going to come to our little party and I don't think this person is expected."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Just promise you won't get too mad."

"Not at you anyway; what's up?"

"Someone heard about our party and they're making a surprise appearance."

Jeff turned to the front door when he heard the knocking. "Well it's not Britta, we know she'll be here and she never knocks. Is it Chang or Duncan?"

"Well, it is a guy."

There was more knocking. "Aren't you going to get the door Jeffrey?" Doreen questioned.

"I'll get it," Abed opened the door to reveal Troy on the opposite end. "Hi Troy."

"Hey Abed," Troy greeted.

"Phew," Jeff breathed a sigh of relief and gave his wife a quick peck on the cheek. "I should be mad for you getting me all worked up like that, but I'm glad that-"

"Troy brought a guest," Annie quickly confessed.

"And you're sure it's not Chang or Duncan?"

"I'm sure."

"Annie, what is going on?"

"Hello Jeffrey," this new voice made everyone turn to the front door.

Jeff's eyes widened in disbelief. "William?"

"Holy shit," these words came out of Doreen's mouth.

"Hmm," Pelton examined the senior Winger, "maybe Jeff gets his looks from his father's side."

"I know this looks bad," Troy nervously began, "but you should know beforehand this was Britta's idea. I guess I'll explain later," Troy cautiously made his way to the chips and salsa as everyone stared at William Winger.

William merely smirked—the same smirk his son clearly inherited from him. "Such a warm welcome." He shook Abed's hand first because Abed was closest. "Hey, how you doin'?"

As Jeff's father made his way over toward Craig, Jeff's mother ran over to her son. "What the hell is that man doing here?"

"All I know is this is Britta's doing and somehow Abed and Shirley knew about this," Jeff told her. "I had no idea he would be showing up until literally just now."

"Well get rid of him!"

"I'd love to, really, but then I'd never hear the end of it from Britta."

"Jeffrey!"

"What harm could it do to let him stay for at least an hour?" Annie asked.

"I'd hate to find out," Jeff answered back.

Doreen glared at William as he approached the three of them. "Just make sure he stays out of my way," she warned her son.

When he saw his ex-wife, William flashed a smug smile her way. "Doreen, so nice to…" she started heading away, rudely bumping into him as she did. "Some people never change." He moved closer to Jeff and Annie. "Jeffrey."

"William," Jeff coldly answered back.

"I hear you've been…busy."

"I have. I hear you're still…alive."

"I am."

"And you chose to come here why?"

"That annoying blonde wouldn't shut up about it. Seriously, how do you put up with that?"

"It's virtually impossible."

"Well Barbie wouldn't stop pestering me unless I came here. It's not like I had anything better to do anyway." William stared at Annie for a moment of silence before he cleared his throat. "You're not gonna introduce me to-"

"William this is my wife Annie, Annie this is William."

"Pleasure," Jeff's Dad took his daughter-in-law's hand and kissed it. "And may I extend my congratulations and hope your baby doesn't inherit my son's abnormally large forehead."

Doreen let out a scoff. "He got that from your side of the family."

"Well at least he didn't get the nose from my side."

Doreen stood up. "Yes, well at least I can say that my son wouldn't be the man today if it wasn't for me. It seems as though leaving was the best thing you ever did for him."

Jeff tried to get a word in. "Listen guys-"

With a chuckle, William turned to face Doreen. "Well maybe I would've been a bigger part of his life if he didn't have you for a mother. You know how that old saying goes, 'if there's something wrong with the bitch, then there's something wrong with the pup'."

Doreen's jaw dropped. "You take that back you bastard!"

"You never could stand not being right."

"And you could never step up and be a man. I was the one with the real balls in that house and you know it buster!"

"Listen here, shrew: there was one thing I've never gotten the chance to say to you because I never wanted to see you again. Now that I have I can finally say-"

"Lunch is ready!" Shirley informed everyone as she came out of the kitchen. "Oh, I didn't realize we had an additional guest." Of course this was a lie.

"Shirley, this is William, my father," Jeff introduced.

"I'll set an extra plate then," she went back into the kitchen.

The exes glared at each other as a freaked out Troy, Abed and Craig went into the kitchen for lunch. "William, Doreen," their son was the one who broke the tense silence, "why don't you go in for lunch?"

William gestured for Doreen to go into the kitchen. "Ladies first." Doreen scowled and gestured for him to go in. "Newsflash Babe, that stopped being funny and relevant twenty years ago." Doreen flipped him off as she stormed into the kitchen. William followed a few feet behind with a smirk on his face.

And in perfect sync, Jeff and Annie let out exasperated sighs and leaned against the wall. He was clutching his chest, she was holding her stomach. "Mild discomfort?" he asked.

"Yep. You?"

"Yep. Your mild discomfort getting worse?"

"Just a little stronger. Yours?"

"Haven't changed. It's probably nothing."

"Probably."

"Maybe lunch'll help."

"Maybe."

…

Suffice to say lunch wasn't really doing anything. Everyone just sat there in tensed silence afraid to make conversation. Every so often William and Doreen would give each other icy stares.

"So Annie, Jeffrey," Dean Pelton was going to be the one to break the awkward silence, "do you have any names in mind for Baby Winger?"

"No," the couple was quick to answer simultaneously. It was unclear whether or not they were lying.

"Well if you're open to suggestions-"

"Yeah, not from you," Jeff cut him off.

"Jeffrey, don't be rude," his mother reprimanded him. "If you don't have any names in mind then why not consider other people's suggestions?"

"How 'bout I don't, but say that I did?"

William raised his glass to Jeff. "Atta boy!"

"Actually Jeff and I both had names picked out if it was a boy," Annie admitted.

Doreen's curiosity was piqued. "Oh?" she looked at her son. "Am I to assume my potential grandson would have his father's namesake?"

"The world already has one perfect Jeffrey Tobias Winger thank you very much, _Mother_ ," Jeff put a sarcastic emphasis on 'mother'.

"Tell us what name you had in mind, _son_ ," she did the same with 'son'.

"I did consider Thomas Edison Winger, Tommy for short, but one of the couples in our birthing class beat us to the name."

"Whatever possessed you to come up with that name?"

"Edison is my maiden name," Annie explained. "And Thomas Edison is a famous person so I suppose it was a tribute name."

"What name did you have in mind for a boy Annie?"

"If it's a boy, I really want his name to be Miles after my father."

"You know what most people do if their firstborn is a boy," William was about to give his two cents, "they name it after the paternal grandfather."

"It'll be a cold day in Hell before that happens," Doreen grumbled. "If they want to name it after Annie's father they should be able to. Your father doesn't mind that, does he Annie?"

Annie looked at the table and didn't say anything. So Jeff spoke for her. "Annie's father died a little after she was born."

"Oh, you poor lamb."

"How do you know he died?" did William really ask that question. "That might have been a lie to spare her little feelings. For all she knows he just got up and left."

"I can't believe you said that you insensitive prick!"

"If you must know," Jeff began, "Annie's father was murdered."

William raised his glass to that. "Lucky bastard."

Troy looked at William. "Why do you want them to name their baby after you? Isn't your other son named William?"

Jeff's eyes went wide as he looked at Troy. "Wait, what?"

"I probably should mention you have a half-brother," William stated with absolute uninterest. "Willy Jr. He's about eight, nine years younger than you."

"And you're aware of his existence?"

"I should say so; he still hasn't moved out of my damn house."

"He _lives_ with you?"

"Let me guess," Doreen began, "you had a one night stand with one of your 'model of the months', it resulted in an unplanned pregnancy, and you find the kid on your doorstep."

William cleared his throat. "No, she didn't demand marriage before sex like you did. I met Barbara, we dated, we broke up, she tells me she's pregnant, we have a shotgun wedding, we have Willy Jr, we stay together until she died."

"Oh, so you got stuck with the kid? Tell me, how did you manage to mess that one up?"

"Oh, you like to blame other people don't you?" The next thing anyone knew, an infamous William and Doreen screaming match had begun.

It was safe to say by that point the awkward levels were at its maximum.

Shirley stood up and left the table. "Anyone else want to join me in the living room for some snacks?" Troy, Abed, and Craig got up and followed her out.

"Wait for me!" Annie struggled to get up and follow her friends. "Jeff, can I get a little help?"

"I have a brother?" Jeff was staring off into the distance wide-eyed. He was sweating profusely and he was breathing heavily.

"Jeff!" Annie snapped her fingers at him.

He anxiously began playing with his shirt collar. "Is it hot in here?"

"Jeff, you're scaring me."

He clutched his chest. "Annie."

"Jeff? Jeff, what's the matter?"

"I think maybe we should go to the hospital."

…

"We don't know what's wrong with him," Troy was pacing the waiting room while talking to Britta on his cell phone. "You know what Britta, I think maybe you should stay with Willy Jr; you've done enough today," he hung up and sat beside Abed. "I thought only old people had heart attacks."

"It might not be a heart attack," Abed took out his notepad. "I've been taking notes on Jeff's behavior and symptoms and I think it might be angina." Troy laughed at that. "Angina pectoris is caused by an insufficient supply of blood to the heart. I opened a few tabs with the definition on my phone and I think he has that. He might also be having heart palpitations; I've got some other medical tabs open."

"My, aren't we a walking encyclopedia," Shirley commented.

Dean Pelton finished fanning himself with a magazine. "Well whatever it is it better not kill my Jeffrey." The other three gave him funny looks. "Oh look," he put the magazine in his face, "Oscar's red carpet fashion. Ooh, you couldn't catch me in that kind of dress in February."

"Weren't the Oscars in March?" Abed asked.

"The uh…the 2012 Oscars," the dean answered with embarrassment. "The one with the Jolie leg."

"Hey guys," Troy was looking over at the vending machines where William was rubbing Doreen's back trying to calm her down. Once it was quiet, the four friends swore they heard him say 'Our son is going to be fine'. "Aww, they're kinda sweet when they're not tearing each other's heads off."

"Their love and concern for their child has brought them to a mutual understanding," Shirley remarked right before the exes shared a hug. "Isn't that nice?" And then they watched as William left. "Wha—where is he going?" Doreen sat back down with a water bottle in her hand. "Doreen, where did William go?"

"He has to get back to Willy Jr," she took a deep breath, "I feel really bad about what I said. Apparently Willy Jr does have some problems."

"Are you and Mr. Winger getting back together?" Craig inquired.

"No! Oh, God no, that will never happen," she didn't notice Craig scoot closer to her, "but despite everything there is between William and I, we do have a mutual love for our son. God, I remember back when Jeffrey was two years old and he got hit by a car when he was playing outside. William and I were fighting and not paying attention to our son and he snuck outside and chased a squirrel and a car came out of nowhere and hit him."

Shirley gasped and put her hand to her chest. "Oh my Lord, that's awful!"

"It was such terrible time, and yet it brought William and me closer together. Little Jeffrey was such a trooper through it all. William told me everything was going to be okay then, and he was promising me the same thing now. Still…Jeffrey's my baby and…" Doreen wiped away her tears. "So how 'bout them Broncos?"

…

"No, I did not get hit by a car. It's just stupid heart palpitations mixed with some high blood pressure, nothing too serious," Jeff was sitting upright in his hospital bed talking on the phone while Annie sat in a chair rubbing her belly. "Yeah, no they said it's not, I repeat _not_ a heart attack, and that I gotta take it easy, take some medicine, and I gotta take off work…well sorry my heart decided to palpitate Ted…look I promise, I'll get stuff done on this break I'll just reschedule that court date…what caused it...it's a long story…look I'll tell you the whole story some other time, okay…uh-huh, yeah, bye Ted." Jeff hung up. "Such a considerate jackass," he turned and looked at Annie, who was gripping the armrest of the chair and looking at the floor. "Babe, you okay?" she didn't look up at him. "Annie?" again, no response. "Annie, you're really starting to freak me out here."

"Sorry," this was all she said as she let go of the armrest.

"Experiencing that 'mild discomfort' huh?" Annie burst into tears. "What? What'd I say? Did I do something?"

"No," she kept crying, "I'm in labor."

His eyes went wide in fear. "Excuse you?"

"I didn't want to tell you in case it was another false alarm, but this time it's not."

"And you know it's real because?"

"Because my water just broke."

"Jesus Christ Annie, why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to be sure it was real this time. But then you started having your palpitations and the doctor said not to add any more stress and…" she reached for the armrest again and tried the breathing techniques she learned, "…fuck! That breathing crap does nothing!" Jeff couldn't help but let out a chuckle at that. "Jeff!"

"I told you those classes were a waste of time and money and now karma's proving me right."

"Just buzz for the nurse."

Jeff did as he was told and that got up and walked over to her. He knelt down beside his wife and started comfortingly stroking her back. "So this is it?"

"I guess so," she let out a small laugh. "Should we clean up the mess?"

"Nah, someone else'll get it."

"Oh my God Jeff, we're having a baby."

"Well it's about time." The couple managed to squeeze in a kiss before the nurse came in. "Yeah, hey my wife's having a baby can we get like an extra bed or something?"

"I'll have an orderly get you a wheelchair and take you to the maternity floor, Mrs. Winger," the nurse told Annie.

"So do I have a take a wheelchair too, or can I just walk?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get back in bed until you get your doctor's referral to go home from the hospital."

"But he wants to keep me in here overnight."

"Then you'll have to stay in here overnight."

"Bull crap!"

Annie raised her hand to get the nurse's attention. "Hi, Courtney," Annie made sure that's what the nurse's ID tag said, "yeah Courtney, I'm not going to the maternity floor without my husband so could you just-"

"I'm sorry, but that's hospital policy," Courtney pointed out.

"If I recall, the doctor asked that Jeff relax and stay at the hospital overnight under observation, that's not necessarily limited to this room only. It's not like my husband will be leaving the hospital or anything." Jeff made one of those subtle 'take that' faces at the nurse.

"I'll make a few calls, make sure it's alright for him to relocate," she went back to the nurse's station.

Jeff nodded in approval at his wife. "Okay, that was too awesome for words."

"Yeah, well I'm not going alone." Annie tried to use the controlled breathing she learned, but it really was no use. "Wow, this is more painful than they said it would be."

"Well it is called labor for a reason."

"Jeff, please don't make me laugh right now."

"I wasn't aware that I was being funny." There was a pause in conversation before Jeff spoke up again. "Hey, uh, I've been thinking: if this gets too painful for you, I wouldn't mind you using magic to help yourself. I mean, only if you want to."

"Oh Jeff, that's real sweet of you to think like that, but I don't want to. I want to do this the way mortals do, I don't want any magical interference. I have no idea what could happen even if I did use magic for my own benefit."

"Yeah, but I hate seeing you in pain."

"I'm sure we'll both manage."

Courtney came back in with an orderly. "Alright Mr. Winger your doctor gave us the okay. He just asks that you take it easy and take your medicine at the appropriate times; try to stay off your feet as much as possible. We'll get your wife situated in maternity and have you sign for a proper discharge."

"It won't take long will it?"

"Just a couple of minutes."

"Good, then I can get out of this stupid hospital gown," Jeff remarked as he and the orderly helped Annie into the wheelchair. "See you when I get there, okay."

"Try not to take too long," Annie requested.

"Hold it in til I get there?"

"Please don't make me laugh." Jeff merely nodded as Annie was being wheeled away. "I love you."

"Love you too, Babe."

"Hurry."

They waved to each other until she was out of sight. Once she was, Jeff sat on the bed so Courtney could start doing what she had to do.

Jeff decided to strike up a conversation, "So Courtney, do you uh-"

"Don't talk to me," but obviously any conversation between the two of them wasn't going to happen.

"So how long have you-" Courtney's intense stare made him stop talking, but only for a brief moment. "So how about them Broncos?"

…

"Sorry, but we need these insurance forms filled out," the receptionist on the maternity ward said to Annie before Annie could be admitted into a room. "Hospital policy."

"This hospital sure has some strict policies," Annie retorted back at her. "Are you sure I can't get a room and then sign for it later?"

"We only do that in the rare instances."

"Like?"

"Like when a woman is or is dangerously close to ten centimeters, when there's a pregnancy complication, or when they call ahead to let us know so that we can reserve a room."

Annie blushed and shrugged in embarrassment. "It doesn't have to be a good room."

"Well, well, well," an Asian woman in a wheelchair behind Annie rolled closer to her, "look who's here."

"Hello Annie Kim."

"Hello Annie…Annie. I see we're here eight days later than we should have been." Annie Kim proudly smirked at her. "My little Jet is right on schedule, and he's going to be the New Year's Baby."

"You seem pretty sure about that."

"I haven't been wrong yet. His due date is January first after all."

"Well, not all babies are born on their due date."

"You and your eight day late baby are proof of that."

"We have a room ready for you, Mrs. Wagner," the receptionist snapped her fingers and an orderly prepared to do his current task.

"I'd love to stay and chat but I have to give birth to the New Year's Baby."

Annie quizzically raised an eyebrow to Annie Kim. "Your married name is _Wagner_?"

"Yeah, I'm not proud of it either. It's dangerously close to the last name _Winger_." Annie Kim gestured to a man over by the vending machines. "Jess!" she snapped her fingers and her husband obediently hurried to her side as if he was a dog. "Our room is ready."

"Cool!" Jess Wagner finished stuffing his face with chocolate and waved to Annie. "Hey, lady from birthing class," that was believed to be what he said—it was hard to determine with a mouthful of chocolate.

"Swallow your food before you talk," she chastised as the orderly rolled her away.

"She seems pleasant," the receptionist quipped to regular Annie, giving the two of them a good giggle. "God, I'd love if it that kid was born before midnight."

"Why is so important that she have the New Year's Baby?" Annie asked.

"You don't know how it works? The first baby born on New Year's Day gets a whole bunch of free stuff from the hospital. Plus the parents get a local news story done on them and their baby."

"I'm sure they could do without attention from the local news."

"Are you kidding? You better hope that gets put on the news. It's a guaranteed boost for more free stuff. Businesses catch the story and they give free stuff to the New Year's Baby, or the parents of said baby."

"I'm very close to someone who loves free stuff."

"Hey!" Jeff had come off the elevator and went over to the reception area. "Why aren't you in a room yet?"

"I don't really know how to fill out the insurance stuff. However, it has to be filled if I get a room. It's-"

"Hospital policy," Jeff, Annie, and even the receptionist pointed out simultaneously.

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill," Jeff bemoaned as he was handed a clipboard of forms to fill out.

"Did you call our doctor?" Annie asked her husband.

"Couldn't get a hold of her," Jeff answered back as he kept his eyes on his writing.

"Did you call and tell everyone that I'm in labor?"

"It's on my to-do list."

"Jeff! They're down there probably having a freak out. At least let one of them know!"

"Yeah, yeah, later."

"Jeff!"

"Can we at least wait until we get a room?" Annie's look to him indicated otherwise and with a sigh he got out his phone. "Fine, I will let _one_ of them know."

…

In lieu of pacing, Doreen sat in a chair biting her nails and jiggling her leg in anxiety. Eventually, Craig put his hand near her thigh and started to rub it in a comforting (eerily, awkward) way. "Is that really necessary Craig?" This got his hand off of her body.

"Do people still use the word _frazzle_ d?" Troy randomly inquired. "I haven't heard that word in a while. _Frazzled_."

"You know what I haven't heard in a while? I haven't heard about Jeff's condition." Doreen got up and went to the front desk. "Excuse me," she got their attention. "Yes, hello, I was wondering if you could update me on Jeffrey Winger; I'm his mother."

The person did some typing on the computer. "Jeffrey Winger has been discharged."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It says so right here. He was discharged not even ten minutes ago."

"The hell he was!" the computer monitor was turned in Doreen's direction to prove her wrong. "Then what the hell happened to my son?"

Shirley squealed with delight as she read her latest text message. "I think I know what happened!"

...

Abed was polite enough to knock before opening the door stepping inside with the rest of the group close behind.

"Appreciate the knocking guys," Jeff sarcastically greeted the group.

"I did technically knock," Abed pointed out. "So, it's the birth episode."

"Episode? Seriously Abed are we going to have to deal with this again?"

"How did this even happen?" Troy questioned.

"If you're unclear on where babies come from I suggest you ask your girlfriend."

"I know that Captain Snarky; I'm just kinda confused. We came in here because _you_ were the one who had to come to the hospital."

"Well we figured while we're here we might as well have the baby."

"So what was wrong with you Jeffrey?" Pelton inquired.

"It was just heart palpitations, it wasn't a big deal."

Doreen folded her arms and raised her eyebrow to her son. "It wasn't a big deal?"

"I was just under a lot of stress mixed with some anxiety. I just have to take some medicine and take it easy."

"And were you going to let us know?"

"I was, but then something came up at the last minute." He gestured to the hospital bed where Annie was.

"Annie," Shirley hurried over to her, "you're having a baby."

"Shocker."

"Quiet you!" Shirley smoothed Annie's hair back. "How are you feeling sweetheart?"

Annie shrugged. "Okay I guess…in labor." This made Shirley giggle. "It does hurt, but the nurse said it'll get a lot worse later on." Annie took a deep breath. "Really looking forward to that."

"Is there a chance you could have the New Year's Baby?" Abed asked.

"Why are you people so obsessed with that?"

"Um because you get a whole bunch of free stuff," Troy reminded.

Annie rolled her eyes at them. "I doubt it. The nurse said that I'm already four centimeters dilated but it's still going to be a while. You can all go home if you want."

"Are you sure you want us to do that?" Shirley asked with concern.

"Yes. I don't want you guys to stay here for hours doing nothing. That's Jeff's job." Jeff nodded in responsive acknowledgment. "So no Abed, no filming," her reply from Abed was just a shrug.

"Well…I suppose we could leave, do a few things, and come back."

"I'll have Jeff call if there are any changes. Go home guys, I'll be fine."

"Okay then," Shirley kissed Annie's cheek. "Bye Annie."

Troy gave Annie a hug. "See you later." He went back over toward Abed, who gave Annie a two finger salute, and the two friends left with Shirley reluctantly following.

Meanwhile Dean Pelton gave Jeff a hug. "Oh Jeffrey, you're going to be a daddy! Of course, this isn't the way I dreamt about it happening but-"

Jeff pulled the man off of him. "Please leave."

"I guess I should give congrats to you too Annie," the dean was less enthusiastic when addressing the mother-to-be.

"You're still here."

"I'm leaving."

"Not fast enough," Jeff gritted through his teeth as Craig left. Jeff's mother, however, remained in the room. "Mom, you can go now."

Doreen gave him a look of unpleasant surprise. "And why would I do that? I want to be here for the birth of my first grandchild."

"I don't know if you got the message, but I'm the only one who's gonna be in here."

"Oh, so you're going to be delivering the baby yourself?"

"Your jokes always were terrible."

"Look who's talking."

And a whole nother round of fighting started again as poor Annie laid there trying to get their attention as another contraction began. Today was obviously not Annie's day. Despite not wanting to use magic, she used it to make a whistle appear. She gathered enough energy mid contraction to loudly blow on the whistle to get their attention. "Thank you," Annie calmly thanked once she had the attention. "Now I'll be honest, Jeff was the one adamant on not having anyone in here when it came time to have the baby. One of the reasons was it gives the two of us more time with our baby. Then Jeff said another reason was with another person in the room there might be more disagreements that could lead to some tension. Said tension could be bad for the baby, but I thought he was being a selfish jackass not wanting anyone else in here."

"Both actually," Jeff admitted.

"So the decision to have other people in here should be mine. Doreen—I'm saying this as nice as I can and with all due respect—as the mother of your grandchild; get the fuck out of here before I ask hospital security to throw you out on your ass."

Jeff turned to his visibly shocked mother. "That's just the pain talking. What Annie is nicely trying to tell you is we would like you to go home and rest and we'll call you when it's over."

Doreen regained a cool composure. "While I can't say that I agree with your decision, I will respect it. Congratulations to the both of you," she turned to her son before she got out the door, "And you better call me the moment that baby is born."

"How about ten minutes after?"

"Fine. Good luck; to both of you" Doreen left.

Jeff chuckled as he faced his wife. "I have never been more in love with you than I am today."

"Really?" Annie looked away from him. "Because I feel quite the opposite about you right now."

Jeff was too taken aback to speak for a moment or two. He then let out a deep breath and clapped his hands together. "Okay, that one stung a bit, but this is normal right? You calling me a bastard or jackass or any insulting name you can think of because you're in excruciating pain that's normal?" His reply from Annie came in the form of an icy stare. "I can take a hint, I'll shut up."

"Thank you." Annie used some of the breathing techniques as the contraction came to an end.

He slowly made his way toward the bed. "How you doin'?"

"I could be better," Jeff let out a small laugh. "I just have to keep telling myself this is all worth it for the baby. I'm sorry in advanced if the pain gets so bad that I say something really bad."

"Like telling my mom to fuck off?"

Annie groaned and put her hand to her forehead. "I can't believe I said that to your _mother_."

"One of us had to," he sat down on her bed, "and you don't have to apologize for anything." Then Annie let out a sudden gasp. "What? What's wrong?"

"I just remembered something I have to apologize for."

"Something you just remembered now? What triggered your memory?"

"Ahem," a voice from behind him cleared her throat.

"Oh shit."

"Jeff," Britta went to Annie's side and put her hands on Annie's belly, "no swearing around the baby."

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I have the okay to be in here."

"Says who?" Jeff's attention was drawn to a nervous looking Annie. "I take it you want to apologize for _her_?"

"I may have promised Britta she could be in here," Annie confessed.

" _May_ have?"

"It was during a conversation we had around Thanksgiving. I told Britta I'd prefer it if she wasn't in the delivery room, but she said what I said was basically an open invitation for her to go. So then I said 'I guess nothing's going to stop you from being in there' and she did her celebratory dance thinking that was a yes."

"And you neglected to tell her _no_?"

"I thought maybe you could do that."

"She-Devil here does the opposite of what I tell her to do!"

"Well then maybe if you told me to stay," Britta remarked.

"Then you'd stay because I gave you the okay!"

"It's a win-win."

"There is just no getting rid of you is there?"

"Jeff, let's not fight. I don't want my niece or nephew to come into a stressful environment."

"Then leave!"

"I think that decision rests with Annie."

Annie moaned. "Can you people just shut up and let me have a baby?"

"Annie, can I stay? You did technically promise I can stay." Britta put her hands together and pleaded while Jeff stood behind her shaking her head no.

"I don't know Britta; you and Jeff tend to fight a lot."

"I'll be on my best behavior, honest. I promise I'll agree with everything you and Jeff decided. Please let me stay Annie. Please. Please. Please."

"What about the others? Shirley really wanted to be in here you know."

"I'll pretend I stayed with Willy Jr and act all surprised when I show up with them."

"Britta-"

"And how can you be sure Jeff won't have another heart precipitation or pass out?"

"This is the second time you got another 'P' word confused," Jeff pointed out.

"And I agree with that."

"Um," Jeff was confused, "you kind of have to."

"Annie please let me stay for the whole thing. Please! Please! Please! Pl-"

Annie threw her hands up in the air and gave in. "Fine!"

"YES!" Britta did a victory dance in front of Jeff. "In your face, Winger!"

Jeff faked a defeated sigh. "Okay, I guess you win." Britta stuck her tongue out at him. "But if you're going to be in here, there are a few things you need to know."

"Like what?"

Jeff pointed to a machine. "You see that machine over there?"

"Duh-doy!"

"Is that another Troy term?"

"Why don't you tell me what the machine's for, _Jerk_ Winger?"

"Wow that was a pitiful attempt at an insult. That machine measures Annie's contractions. It shows when she's going to have another one and how big or small it will be. It's kinda like magic except it's science."

Britta went over to the machine. "Cool."

"If you wanna make yourself useful keep track of the contractions and once it's coming, give Annie your hand or something for her to hold on to."

"Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

"You want to be here don't you? Do something useful." He reached for his wallet. "I'm gonna get me something from the vending machine, you want anything?"

"Yeah, can I get-"

"Not you! Annie, do you want anything?" Annie shook her head no. "You sure? No ice chips or…whatever?"

"I'm fine," Annie assured. "While you're out can you try getting a hold of the doctor again?"

"I've tried like three times, I don't think she's coming."

Britta shot her hand in the air and waved it. "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!"

"I think the monkey wants a banana."

"You're making it hard for me to be civil with you."

"Your point?"

"You don't need a doctor. I'll deliver the baby. I've seen enough of those movies and shows Abed made us watch. I've delivered animal babies; how much different is it for a human baby?"

Annie looked at Jeff with fearful eyes. "Jeff, please come back with our doctor." He nodded to her before he left.

"I'm serious you know."

"Believe me, I know."

"Hey, the machine's doing something." Britta watched the waves. "Wow Annie, you're having a contraction!"

"Believe me, I know." Annie reached out her hand for Britta to take as she took some deep breaths.

"Ooh, you're doing the breathing stuff," Britta grabbed hold of Annie's hand. "Does it really help ease pain or…OW!" There was a lot of strength in those small hands of Annie's. Once it was over, Britta was able to heal her pain with magic. "Geez Annie, that seemed painful."

"Believe me, it was!" Annie's tone was bitter.

"Jeff's not here; use magic."

"No."

"But Annie-"

"It's my decision not to use magic. Jeff even said I could if I wanted to but I don't."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"If things get too unbearable, I'll get an epidural."

"Well at least consider-"

"This isn't your baby Britta, it's mine! I know you and Jeff don't want to see me like this. Do you think I enjoy being like this? No! But this is the safest way to ensure nothing goes wrong. I don't know what magic could do not only to the baby, but to me. You have to remember that my mother died in childbirth. If you want to help then support my decision and don't add your input. Okay?"

There was a bit of a pause before Britta answered back with, "Alright, fine," and then said nothing for what seemed like the longest time.

"But you can talk."

"Oh, uh…what about?"

"I don't know. Something."

"Um…have you decided on a name?"

"Oh come on, not this again."

" _Again_?"

"That's right, you weren't there," Annie remembered Britta's absence earlier. "Well Craig asked us if we had any names in mind and it started this big argument between Jeff's parents that eventually took a huge strain on Jeff and we had to rush him to the hospital."

"Well it's just me; can't you tell me what you're going to name her…or him," Britta quickly adjusted it so Annie wouldn't realize her almost-mistake of spoiling the sex (again).

"I have no idea."

"Did you consider naming it after your parents?"

"Miles is my only choice for a boy."

"Miles Winger?" Britta tried it on her tongue a couple more times. "I guess that sounds okay, but what if it's not a boy? Would you name it after your mother?"

"That's where I'm unsure. I don't know if I'd want to name it after her. My mother didn't like her name, I was technically born with her name, but…it just doesn't feel right."

"Why? I think Violet Winger is cute. It's honoring both you and your mother, you know."

"I know."

"Ooh, and if you give her a middle name like Olivia you'll spell out the word 'VOW'."

"Yeah but..." Annie's thoughts were distracted from Jeff coming back in the room with a cup of coffee. "Did you get a hold of our doctor?"

Jeff rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness. "Yeah uh, our doctor's…not coming."

"What?"

"Apparently we're not the only patients of hers who opted to have a baby tonight. You want to know how I know this?"

"Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah, I ran into her when I was coming back. She said she's got like seven other babies she has to deliver. And—you're gonna love this—one of her patients is that Annie Kim bitch."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Did you know her husband's last name is _Wagner_?"

"Jeff!"

"But the doctor is going to recommend Dr. Stephenson for us."

"But I want _my_ doctor! I don't want some new person I don't know getting themselves acquainted with my neither regions on our first meeting," Britta couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Everything was supposed to go according to my birth plan."

"I told you not to make one of those too and again karma is proving me right."

"Well, at least close to plan then. Having my doctor cancel at last minute is not, I repeat, NOT okay."

"Are you done with your mini freakout now?"

"What's wrong with wanting things to go according to plan?"

"Things never do go according to plan."

"So I've realized."

"She said it might kinda scary for you, but we'll both really like this new doctor."

"Knock, knock," the new doctor tapped on the door to indicate his presence before entering. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Ooh," Britta eyed the handsome doctor, "I like him already."

"Okay I'll point out the obvious," Jeff literally pointed at the doctor, "you're a dude."

"Last I checked," Dr. Stephenson smiled. His smile seemed to be infectious because soon the women were smiling. "I'm Dr. Stephenson, but if you'd like you can call me Rich."

"Hi Rich," Britta and Annie greeted somewhat coquettishly (the greeting accompanied by two girlish waves).

"So I see we're having a baby," he jested as he checked Annie's progress.

"Uh-huh," Annie was on the verge on swooning.

"First baby?"

"Uh-huh."

He finished checking the machines. "Alright everything looks good; now I'm going to check to see how dilated you are."

"Okay," Annie seemed fine with that.

"You're going to do what now?" Jeff, however, was not. "You mean you're going to look at my wife's…"

"Yes," Rich nodded as he put on a pair of Latex gloves. "I realize this might be a bit uncomfortable because you're accustomed to your previous, _female_ doctor, but I can assure you it's just an examination. I do this on a regular basis." As he finished adjusting his gloves, he noticed Jeff pointing at him with wide, somewhat angry eyes. "Mr. Winger, are you alright?"

"Doc Potterywood."

"Beg your pardon?"

"Doc Potterywood!"

"Doc Potterywood?" Rich tried to piece together what Jeff meant, and it seemed to come to him fairly quick. "I thought I recognized you. You're the guy who had a breakdown in the pottery class at the Greendale Recreation Center."

"It was your fault! You and your perfect pot making skills."

"Oh? Well I'm sorry that I did...whatever it was I did that got you kicked out of the class."

Britta was trying hard not to burst into laughter. "You had a breakdown and got kicked out of a pottery class because he was better than you at making pots? A _pottery class_?"

"Shut up, Blondie!" Jeff barked at her.

"I almost forgot about that pottery class," Rich started counting on his fingers, "That was in 2010 wasn't it?"

"Shut up, Doc Potterywood!"

"I can sense some uncomfortableness. If you'd like, I can consult with your former doctor and we can find a new, female replacement."

"No!" even Britta joined Annie on that one.

"You'll have to excuse my husband, Rich," Annie apologized on Jeff's behalf. "He's still a little freaked about having to find another doctor and it has nothing to do with what happened in the past. You can stay. Can't he Jeff?"

Annie's glare pretty much indicated Rich wasn't going anywhere. So, Jeff gave in. "Just don't get any pleasure from what you're doing there, Doc." He looked at Britta. "And for the record Abed dragged me into that pottery class." Jeff slumped into a chair and he and Britta sat back quietly as Rich performed his examination.

"Congrats, you've just made it to six centimeters," he started taking his glove off. "You're getting there; it's just taking some time. Now you're at a point where contractions will be coming closer and stronger."

"Oh joy," Annie rolled her eyes at that.

"The option for the epidural is always on the table. Let me know if you'll be needing it."

"I'd really rather try this without the epidural."

"Well, if you change your mind let me know. I'm going to go meet another patient, I'll be back in about forty-five minutes," he addressed Jeff before leaving. "It was nice seeing you again."

"I'm sure it was," Jeff replied back with utmost sarcasm as the doctor left.

"So did he actually do anything to you?" Britta questioned.

"So are you actually going to leave?"

"I was told I can stay, and I'm going to stay."

"Oh joy."

Britta kept her icy glare on Jeff as she asked Annie, "How long does it usually take to have a baby?"

"Don't ask me these things Britta," Annie answered back.

"Well he said you're getting there, but it'll take time. How much time?"

Annie turned her attention to Jeff. "Is she always this annoying?"

…

Slowly, but surely things started moving along. True to Dr. Rich's word, contractions were coming faster and stronger. And keeping true to her plan, Annie didn't get an epidural.

And surprisingly, Britta was the weakest one. Somewhere along the way, she ran out of the room wanting fresh air. As she headed for the outside, she bumped into her boyfriend. "Troy?"

"There you are!" he gave her a hug. "I was kinda freakin' out."

"Why?"

"I was way too excited! I couldn't eat, sleep, or even sit through _Inspector Spacetime_. So I thought I'd pick you up from Jeff's dad's house and we could go do something, but you weren't there. I had a mini freakout before realizing you probably snuck off to the hospital to weasel your way into the delivery room."

"Yeah, well I gotta figure out how to weasel my way _out_."

"You got in, but you want out? I thought you really wanted to be in there."

"I did, but things got bad. I just…I can't stand seeing Annie in pain, especially that kind of pain."

"It's probably because she's so innocent and doe-eyed."

"And Jeff…I don't know why he's not having more of his heart preparations."

"I'm pretty sure that's not the word."

"He's like a rock or something! He's staying calm, he's trying to calm her down, he's barely cringing when he gives her his hand. I offered to heal his hands, but he says he barely even felt it. How could he not feel that? Then again he has giant man-hands. Anyway it got to a point where things got so bad that I told them I had to get some air."

"Again, you _wanted_ to be in there."

"I had no idea it would be like that."

"Why did you want to be in there in the first place?"

"Because…because it's like it's my actual niece being born. I was there for everything with Annie; I felt I had a right to be in there for something like this."

"Just you, not Shirley?"

"I think maybe Shirley should have been the one in there."

"She really, really wants to be. This waiting is really hard for her. She's been there for Annie through everything too."

"I'm sure she begged to be in there too."

"But do you know why she's not?"

"Because she was told not to be. I was too, but when do I listen?"

"And?"

"And what?"

"Do you know why she's doing what she's told?"

"Because she does listen."

"Because she has respect."

"Excuse you?"

"I'd rather you hear it from me than from someone else. You don't really have respect for people and what they want. Yeah, Shirley really wants to be in there; but Annie just wanted her and Jeff. Shirley respected her decision despite her feelings."

"But that's Shirley."

"What about when someone does something you think is wrong, but they don't. You get all up in their business and tell them they're wrong. That's not respecting them. Not to mention you don't respect other people's privacy. You know I'm right."

"And I _respect_ that," she emphasized the word 'respect'. "See."

"Do you know the other reason Shirley is waiting back at our apartment?"

"Other reason?"

"Is because she knows something like the birth of your first child is a special occasion that you only want to share with specific people. Remember all that stuff we see in movies and TV? After a baby's born they give parents extra time to bond with their baby before letting other people in. That baby is going to be surrounded by at least four other people who are going to love it to pieces and spend time with it. But how much time is it really going to have to bond with just both of its parents? It's always an intimate thing with the couple to be alone with their baby after its born and the odd person out feels like a third wheel."

"Not all movies and TV shows."

"Britta, it's not like we're never gonna be in their kid's life."

"Yeah, I know."

"What if that was us in there having a baby? Would you want other people in there for something like that?"

Britta sighed. "No, I'd want it to be just us."

"And Abed because he'd be filming it."

"No Abed."

"See."

"I guess you're right."

"And you can use that excuse for your get out of the delivery room free card."

Britta kissed him. "Thank you Troy."

"I'll save you a seat in the waiting room. If you choose to stay in there with Jeff and Annie, I'll say you're still therapizing Willy Jr. Now get back in there."

Britta gave him another quick hug, started heading back, but turned around. "Troy?" He turned back to her. "You want to have a baby with me?"

Troy blushed a little and smiled a boyish smile. "Yeah…I think it'd be…it'd be cool."

"Aww, Troy," Britta ran back and planted a passionately aggressive kiss on him that could have gone on forever. Chances are if there weren't things to be done (and if the setting was more private) Troy and Britta would have probably made a baby right then and there.

Troy pulled away first. "Seriously, you should probably get back there and do your thing."

"Yeah, I probably should," she gave him a quick kiss and headed back to Annie's room.

"This really hurts," Britta heard Annie whine as she approached the room.

"I know," Jeff's voice was next. "I know it does." His voice wasn't what Britta was used to. It was gentle, it was comforting, it was just so unlike Jeff; it was almost as if Britta was hearing an entirely different person. She peered in to see him pushing Annie's hair back. "I don't know how many times I told you I wish I could go through this for you but I mean it."

"It's worth it right? This excruciating pain, it's all worth it?" Britta quietly stepped closer and watched Jeff nod. "We're having a baby."

"We'll _you're_ having a baby; I'm just watching."

Annie and Jeff shared a laugh before Annie let out an agonized, "Ah".

Jeff took her delicate hands in his and held it until the pain subsided. Once it had, he kissed her hand. "You're doing real good, Babe."

"Are you sure I'm not hurting your hand?"

"You're worried about you hurting me? Need I remind you this excruciating pain is partly my fault? You can cause as much damage as you like. Don't worry about me, okay."

"But earlier-"

"Was essentially nothing. I'm fine Annie, really. I'd let you know otherwise."

"But if something was wrong with you they'd probably take you away and I don't want you to leave."

"Believe me, I am not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Britta watched as Jeff gave her a tender kiss. Suddenly everything felt too intimate and she realized she truly had no purpose being there. She cleared her throat as she completely entered the room.

"Hey," now Jeff was using this voice directly to her. "We were worried about you."

Britta raised an eyebrow to him. "Really?"

"Hard to believe right?"

"I was afraid you were gonna miss it," Annie admitted.

"Well, I am," Britta confessed.

"What?"

"Didn't you practically throw a fit to get in here?" Jeff reminded.

"Yeah but…" Britta struggled to put the words together, "…but that was before I realized that this isn't my place to be. It's not going to be the two of you anymore and I figured you should spend as much time you have left alone, just the two of you."

"Who are you and what have you done with Britta?"

"Who are you and what have you done with Jeff?"

"Um…I guess that was used in the right context if you think about it."

"Anyway, this is a really special deal and it should be just the two of you."

"Special Deal? Is that a Troy term?"

"Irregardless, I won't be joining you two as you become three."

"Are you sure?" Annie asked for clarification.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure."

"Thank you Britta."

"I'll be in the waiting room okay," she gave Annie a sisterly embrace. "Take good care of our girl, Jeff." Jeff nodded to her, and she nodded back—a nonverbal truce between the two made.

Maybe Jeff Winger wasn't as big an asshole as she thought.

"Hey," Troy was waiting for her when she stepped out.

"Hey," Britta was pleasantly surprised.

"I kinda knew you'd do the right thing."

"Well, I've waited this long, what's another…however much longer it'll take."

"You know, it's almost New Years. We were gonna have our own little party in the waiting room once everyone shows up."

"That sounds great."

"Wouldn't it be cool if Annie had the New Year's Baby? Think of all the free stuff they'll get."

"Yeah but Annie says this woman named Annie Kim Wagner is so convinced that her son Jet will be the New Year's Baby. I've been hearing a lot of bad stuff about this chick. This Annie Kim sounds like a very irritating person."

"And she probably will have the New Year's Baby and get all the free stuff."

"Not if I have anything to do with it."

"Britta, don't interfere. Respect Annie Kim, okay."

"I'm not going to do anything bad; I'm just going to make sure she doesn't have the New Year's Baby." Britta snapped her fingers. "That way we have a fair chance of getting the free stuff."

"Frawesome."

"Plus I do like free stuff."

"So what exactly did you do?"

"Ever have one of those moments where you think you're gonna win but something stops you at the last second. Well that's what's going to happen real soon at 11:58 tonight."

"Why not 11:59?"

"That way she can't argue that it was actually at midnight and the hospital clock is a minute fast."

"Devious."

"There you are!" Shirley caught up with them. "We were looking for you; I was afraid you both got to go in with them."

"Eww, why would I want to be in there?"

"I tried," Britta didn't totally lie, "but they wouldn't let me."

After a pause, Shirley clapped her hands together. "Well then, we should get back to our little mini party in the waiting room. I made some mini pies and brownies."

"Yum," there was an obvious hint of sarcasm in Troy and Britta's tone.

"Hey guys!" Abed greeted them. "I was afraid you wouldn't be back in time for the countdown."

"Why what time is it?"

Abed looked at his watch. "11:57…wait scratch that, 11:58," no one else seemed to notice the devious looking glances Troy and Britta shared.

"Oh my Lord, I didn't realize how late it was."

"I can; sometimes time goes slow in a birth episode."

"Abed…" Shirley didn't have the heart to finish, "never mind. Where's Craig?"

Abed shrugged. "He said he had something special planned for New Year's and this seemed like the best place to do it." He tilted his head toward the bathroom. "I'll bet that he's going to come out of that bathroom in a ridiculous dress and announce 'Happy New Dean' or any variation of the phrase 'Happy New Year' to incorporate the word 'dean'."

The person in the bathroom opened the door in a rage and stepped out wearing an adult diaper. Said person was Dean Craig Pelton. "Well I hope you're happy Abed! You've successfully manage to ruin the new dean before it even started." Craig sobbed his way back to the bathroom.

"Uh," Troy was pointing at the now closed bathroom door, "where did he even get an adult diaper?"

Britta crinkled her nose in disgust. "Ew, why do you want to know?"

"Can't you just let him be an innocent pervert without question?" Shirley asked.

"I just wanna know where does that man keep getting all these costumes," Troy said. "And how does he know which one to wear at whatever moment? Does he carry them around with him? WHY DOES HE LOOK BETTER IN A DRESS THAN I DO?!" The last outburst made Shirley and Britta slowly back away.

"No dress, but it's still equally awkward and embarrassing." Abed looked at his watch. "It's also 11:59."

"Abed, did you know the dean was going to do that?" Shirley queried.

"You should have noted I said _dress_. If I made an actual bet I'd only get half because I got half right. It just seemed like something he would do; it was… _predictable_."

"Okay then let's test your predictability," Troy reached for his wallet. "Let's make some bets." Abed merely shrugged and reached for his wallet as well.

"Are you two going to bet on Jeff and Annie's baby?" Britta sounded offended.

"We don't need to hear crap on how wrong, or even how immoral," the last part was more for Shirley than Britta, "you think this is."

"The hell it is! I want in on this!"

Shirley sighed and got her purse. "Oh what the hell, I'm in too."

"When Craig comes out I'll ask him if he wants in on this too," Abed decided. "But before we do anything else," he looked at his watch and waited a few seconds before starting the countdown. "Ten…nine…eight…seven…six"

"…five," the other three joined in, "…four…three…two…one!"

The dean burst out of the bathroom, this time wearing a baby bonnet in addition to the adult diaper. "HAPPY NEW DEAN!" He laughed before he hugged his embarrassed comrades, "I couldn't stay mad at you guys."

"Maybe you should have," Troy spoke through gritted teeth.

"Craig," Shirley started, "we're very uncomfortable now and would appreciate it if you put some clothes on."

"Preferably _right_ now."

"Right," Dean Pelton backed away shivering, "it is a little nippy in here."

"Please don't ever say that again."

Britta waited until Craig was back in the bathroom before talking. "Well, I've lost my appetite."

"Not me, I'm still hungry," Troy reached for one of Shirley's mini pies.

Abed did the same. "As it stands we have at least two things to bet on: the time of birth and how much the baby will weigh. It's safe to say we all know the sex."

"Except Craig," Shirley reminded. "Wouldn't he ask about that?"

"We'll tell him beforehand."

"What about names?" Britta asked. "I say we bet on names."

"How would we do that?"

"Whether or not the baby's name will spell out a word; a lot of three, and even some two letter words end in 'W' you know. I think Annie will name her after her mother, Violet, and give her the middle name Olivia to spell out 'VOW'. Cute, huh?"

"Oh Britta, that's too juvenile," Shirley commented. "I don't think they're going to do something like that."

"Shirley's right, Jeff would think that's stupid," Troy sided with Shirley. "If they do name her after Annie's mom then they'll probably give her the middle name Doreen after Jeff's mom."

"What about Godparents? Who would be godparents?"

"Hmm, four things to bet on," Abed counted on his fingers, "time of birth, baby's weight, baby's name, and who are the godparents—though the last one could be divided into godfather and godmother. Cool, five categories."

"What about characteristics? Will the baby be a blonde or a brunette? Will she look like Annie or Jeff?"

"Will it have Jeff's abnormally large forehead?" Troy asked.

Britta made a disgusted face. "Ugh, I hope not. At worst it'll have his nose."

"I think that's enough," Abed put an end to more categories. "In total that's eight; time of birth, baby's weight, baby's name, godfather, godmother, hair color, which parent she'll look more like, and whether or not the baby will have Jeff's large abnormally large forehead or pointed nose."

"Maybe you should be our tab keeper Abed," Shirley suggested.

Abed tilted his head and shrugged. "Sure why not; but I'm still betting."

"Ooh, betting," a fully-clothed Craig joined the group. "I'm in."

"Okay," Abed pulled out a notepad he had on his person. "Here's how it works: we have eight categories. The last five are fifty-fifty so the betting amount there is $5. Because timing and weight is vague and has too many options, the betting there is $10. Closest one to wins $10, if a guess is exact then they win $20. For the name, that's also fifty-fifty; you get five bucks if it spells out a word like Britta thinks it will."

"Wait, you're not betting on the sex?"

"We already know it's a girl."

"Really? How?"

"Invasion of their privacy. You can also opt to stay out of a category. Troy, I'll start with you."

"Okay," Troy rubbed his hands together in thought. "I don't think her name will spell out a word…I don't think it's fair to assume that because it's a girl she'll look like Annie; she'll look like Jeff—large forehead included—but have brown hair. I think it'd be cool if the baby was born at 1:23 in the morning, you know 1, 2, 3."

"Clever."

"And just for luck it'll be seven pounds, seven ounces. What's left?"

"Godparents."

"Well you'd be the godfather Abed."

"And who would be godmother?" Both women leaned in expectantly after Abed asked that.

"Well…uh…I'm gonna say…Shirley."

"What?" Britta didn't seem too pleased with this. "You're supposed to say me; I'm your girlfriend."

"But Jeff doesn't really like you that much. Plus Shirley is way more responsible."

Britta folded her arms. "Can I go next Abed?" Abed nodded. "I say I'm going to be the godmother, and that _you_ will be the godfather. How do you like that Troy?"

"I'm cool with it. I picked him too you know."

Britta leaned forward to look at Abed. "Then I pick the opposite of everything Troy did."

"Hey!"

"What about time and weight? That's not really opposite?" Abed pointed out.

"Oh, right. Uh…six and six, it'll be small like Annie. And…what time did Troy say?"

"1:23."

"Then I say 1:24."

Troy's jaw dropped and then he became slightly angry. "Oh, you bitch!"

Abed finished writing Britta's guesses. "Okay Shirley, your turn."

Shirley thought this through. "I suppose I'll go in order to make it easier for you to get it down; 12:35 in the morning, six pounds five ounces, her name won't spell out any words, Abed will be her godfather, I will be her godmother, and she'll be the spitting image of Annie."

"So brown hair?" Shirley nodded. "Do you think it will have Jeff's forehead or nose?"

"Neither."

"Uh Shirley," Troy began, "I'm pretty sure the baby will be born with a nose and forehead."

"I meant the forehead will be small and the nose won't be pointy."

"So n/a," Abed filled in Shirley's answers. "You next Craig."

Dean Pelton tried to think everything through to no avail. "Can I just see the list?" Abed passed him the paper and pencil. "Okay I'm going to say…1:45 am, seven pounds…eight ounces—going in a sort of numerical order with ounces there—and let's see," he chewed on the pencil in thought. "I doubt her name will spell out a word, I'm just gonna put me as the godfather, Shirley as godmother," Britta let out an offended gasp, "but unlike Shirley I say this baby will look exactly like Jeff—blonde hair, and cute not-so-little forehead."

"Cool," now it was Abed's turn. "1:12 am, seven pounds, Troy as godfather, Britta as godmother…"

"Thank you," Britta thanked.

"And it will have Jeff's nose."

"What about the other stuff?"

"I say the hair and looks will be the perfect mix of both or hard to determine. I'm opting not to place bets in those categories."

"But what about the name?"

"I don't think they have any idea and there's a chance it could spell out an acronym, which isn't exactly a word; basically I'm not betting in that category either. Anyway," Abed folded the paper and put it in his pocket, "all bets are in."

"So now what?"

"Now we wait."

"Why did you say that so dramatically?"

"Just thought I'd say something dramatic sounding before the cutaway to the delivery room."

As Britta opened her mouth to speak, Shirley closed it. "Just go with it Britta."

And there the five of them sat in awkward silence just waiting…and waiting…and waiting.

Thankfully the unbearable silence was broken by Troy. "Can we like turn a TV on or something?"

…

"Okay Annie," Dr. Rich adjusted his seating, "I want you to push on the next contraction okay." Annie responded with a nod and a whimper. "Ready? And…push."

Jeff kept one hand on her back as Annie leaned forward and used whatever energy she had to push. He wasn't the only one who tried to offer some words of encouragement, and frankly any words were a bit hard to hear due to the agonized groaning noises she made as she pushed. When Rich gave her the okay to stop, Jeff let her fall back into him trying to catch her breath. Jeff was also kind enough to wipe most of the sweat off of her face with his hand. And truthfully, he also was waiting for her to scream obscenities at him among the typical "I hate you, you did this to me" cliché he had seen too often so Annie's lack of words was actually a surprise to him.

"You're doing real good Annie" Rich complimented with sincerity on his face, but Annie didn't notice. She was lying back in Jeff's arm panting heavily and staring at the ceiling as Rich tried to get her attention. "You feel like pushing again?" She responded with the same nod and whimper as before. "Ready? And…push." She cried out in agony as Rich kept instructing to "bear down". Eventually, she got the okay to stop again and fell back into Jeff's arms panting, whimpering, and sobbing all at once but still not saying a word. "Hey Jeff," Jeff was too focused on his wife to hear Rich calling for him "Yo, Jeff. Jeff!"

"Huh?" the third time was a charm in this case.

"I think you might wanna see this."

"What?" he cautiously took his hand off of his wife's back and looked down expecting something to be wrong. Once he saw, he became more disgusted than worried. "Holy crap!"

"See that," Rich pointed, "that's the baby's head."

"Is it supposed to look like that? That does not look normal!"

"Trust me; this is the way it's supposed to look."

"Annie, you really gotta see this." This response was met with Annie giving him an 'are you serious' look. The nurse, who was laying the receiving blanket on Annie's chest, also gave him the same look. "Right, sorry, just got a little excited."

"Okay Annie now comes the really big push." Jeff hurried back to Annie's side and helped her up. "On the next push the head will be out. Ready?"

In lieu of her previous responses, Annie started shaking her head. "No," she even managed to get out that word. "No, I can't."

"I know it hurts Annie, but you gotta do this."

"I'm sorry, but I can't."

Rich sighed. "Why don't we take a quick breather for a few seconds?"

Jeff wiped away some more sweat. "You know," he lowered his voice, "you can use magic to-"

"No!" Annie cut him off.

"Well then you gotta push."

"I can't Jeff, I really can't."

"Okay," he took a deep breath, "I know this is hurting you; it's hurting me watching you hurt. And I know that no amount of encouraging words or speeches are really going to help right now—I doubt reverse psychology will work either—but this is something that you know _you_ have to do and do you know what?"

"What?"

"You're the only one I know who can do this."

"Then why are there over five hundred million people on this planet?"

"I probably should have worded that better. Okay, between _you and me_ , you are the only one who can do this. I would have given up at the first instance of pain and beg to be unconscious. I don't know how you can do this with or without magic, or even drugs for that matter, but I never could, even if science does come so far. And you know you've got me, and Doc Potterywood, and a whole group of people in the waiting room to support and motivate you through this. But you what I think is really driving you to do this despite everything?" Annie shook her head. "Our baby. The baby that only you can bring into this world. You'd know I'd do this for you in a heartbeat, but I can't. This is all you. You can do this."

"I can?"

"There is zero need to question that. You can do this."

Annie nodded. "I can do this."

Dr. Rich readied himself between her legs. "Are we ready Annie?" She gave a weak nod. "Okay, push." This time Annie's groans were louder, and more painful, and was pretty much pained screaming. "Come on Annie, a little harder."

"Come on, Babe, you got this!" Jeff nudged her a little more forward with his hand. "Push!" She screamed, then Jeff screamed with her thinking it would help and because he honestly didn't know what else to do.

"Jeff, you might wanna watch this."

Jeff maneuvered himself so that he could see what Rich wanted him to see. "Annie, look what you're doing!" Jeff watched as Annie pushed the head through the birth canal.

"The head is out!" Rich held up the baby's head not only to keep it elevated, but so Annie could see.

"Our baby has a head!"

Annie opened her eyes and looked down at her baby's head. "Oh my god! What a beautiful head."

"Annie," Rich grinned at her, "how would you like to deliver your baby?"

"What? I can do that?"

"Isn't that supposed to be _your_ job?" Jeff questioned.

Rich chuckled. "Again Jeff, this is normal. I need an answer Annie." Too excited (and pained) to speak, Annie nodded excitedly. "Bring your hands down here; you're gonna pull your baby out. Once it's out you're gonna bring it up to your chest alright?" She nodded again. "Okay now, just one more small push." Annie finished pushing and Rich helped guide the baby out of her body and into her hands. Once the baby was in her hands Annie carried it up onto her chest and started crying hysterically. A stunned Jeff just stood there, mouth agape, as he watched this transpire.

"Is it okay?" Annie asked through her sobs.

Rich's grin turned into a smile, "Your daughter is perfectly fine."

"It's a girl?" Annie turned to Jeff as the nurse (who had been very quiet) started cleaning the baby. "Jeff, it's a girl!"

Jeff let out a watery laugh as a few tears escaped him. "Looks like my mom was right."

The nurse looked at Jeff. "You wanna cut the cord, Daddy?"

It suddenly became all too real for Jeff. "Yeah," he breathed out as the nurse handed him a pair of scissors.

"Right there," she showed him where to cut. "Yep."

Jeff cut the cord and almost immediately his daughter cried louder. "I didn't hurt her, did I?"

The nurse laughed at this. "No," she scooped the infant up and carried her aside for cleaning and weighing.

"Annie," he bent down to Annie's level and covered her face with kisses, "you have no idea how much I love you right now."

Annie let out a small laugh. "Ditto, Daddy." He pressed his lips to hers and they let that kiss linger until it was cut off by the nurse clearing her throat. The nurse passed the baby to Annie and instinctively, Annie knew what to do. "Hi," Annie didn't really know what to say though. "Oh my gosh, you're so little," she caressed the newborn's cheek.

"Does Baby Girl Winger have a name yet?" Rich inquired as he stood up from his place between Annie's legs.

"No, not yet."

"That's fine, take some time and we'll be in with the birth certificate junk later. I'll leave you three alone."

"Hey Doc Potterywood," Jeff's remark got Rich to turn around, "Thanks." The two men smiled at each other before Rich and the nurse gave the new family their privacy. "So does not having a name for our kid make us terrible parents?"

Annie let out a weak laugh at that. "I think the fact that we take time to find the right name for her makes us pretty decent parents."

"So I guess naming her Annie Jr is out of the question?"

"Jeff!"

"What? In some cultures the first daughter is named after the mother or grandmother. You were named after your mother, and Annie technically isn't your real name."

"True; and that reminds me, Britta actually had a name suggestion."

"I'm afraid to ask."

"She suggested Violet after my mother and I, and Olivia so the baby's initials spell out a word like 'VOW'."

"That's kinda stupid; the word spelling thing not the name. It's not a bad name coming from Britta of all people. Violet Olivia Winger…I guess it works."

Annie looked at the baby. "I don't know, Violet just isn't right for her."

"What do you think?"

"I think," Annie started to transfer the baby to Jeff, "that you should hold your daughter." She gingerly finished passing the baby to Jeff, who held their daughter as if he had done it before.

"Hey…you," Jeff didn't really know what to say either so he just stared at her and swayed her in his arms. He started to freak a tad when she made a noise and stared wriggling around. "She's…doing something." He cautiously watched as the wriggling ceased and the newborn opened her eyes and looked up at the man holding her. "Hey!" He broke into an excited grin, "Hey, she's looking at me."

"She knows who you are."

"I guess that's a good sign," Jeff took one of the baby's hands in his giant hand and performed a gentle handshake. "Nice to meet you too, kid." Annie laughed at this. "Wow, you're so beautiful," after a couple more seconds of gazing at his daughter, Jeff carefully handed the baby back to Annie. "I'm still in favor of naming her after you."

"Out of the question."

"Why not? She's just a beautiful as you are."

"I am not beautiful."

"Agree to disagree. I mean it; she's like the perfect kid—which by the way she gets from me." Annie rolled her eyes. "And since we can't name her after me, why not name her after the most perfect woman, i.e. you."

"I'm flattered, but I still don't like the idea of naming her after me."

"Not even for a middle name?"

"I dunno," the infant started to get fussy. "Aww, ssh, it's okay," she put her index finger in the baby's mouth and gently bounced her in her arms.

Jeff tilted his head as he looked at the baby. "Does she look like an Ava?"

"Ava's pretty. Where did you hear that name?"

"Everywhere. If a celebrity isn't naming their kid Ava then it's some other random person, it's always in the top names for girls. I mean yeah it sounds nice, but it's too popular."

"What about Ava for a middle name?"

"Did you have a better first name in mind?"

Annie thought about his query and looked down at her daughter with a smile. "Well you actually gave me an idea when you kept suggesting naming her after me."

"I did?" Annie nodded. "Okay Mom, what did you have in mind?"

...

"Why can't waiting rooms have cable?" Troy lamented. "Patients get cable, but why not…non-patient people? They don't even trust us enough to let us change channels. I feel like I'm in a never ending prison of infomercials—though the Time Life Soul Collection looks awesome." Troy started to sing " _Always and Forever_ ", but unfortunately he didn't know the lyrics so he made them up as he went along.

"I don't understand," Shirley checked her cell phone, "Jeff texted me at 11:47 saying it shouldn't be much longer, but that was over an hour ago."

"Lucky," Craig folded his arms and pouted, "Jeff didn't text _me_."

"I've read books on natural childbirth," Abed kept his eyes on an outdated _Reader's Digest_ while he spoke. "On some occasions a woman can push for a long time, sometimes even over two hours."

Britta raised an eyebrow to him. "Since when do you read books like that?"

"Since I didn't believe what I saw on a television show. I was proven wrong though, and that episode did win an Emmy for writing now that I think about it. The writers of _ER_ must have done some thorough research."

"Is it like a secret fantasy of yours to be a television show writer?"

"You don't wanna know his secret fantasies," Troy warned her.

"Why? And also, _what_?"

"Trust me, I know every single one of Abed's secret fantasies and it's best that most of them remain a mystery. You don't wanna know what his most secret of secret fantasies is."

"Yeah, I bet we don't," Shirley muttered under her breath in what sounded like a disapproving tone. The group sat in silence for another moment or two before Britta got up. "Where are you going, Britta?"

"I'm just going to check on them," Britta started walking away.

"And you know what room they're in?"

"Duh-doy."

"How can you know that when you weren't there with us when we went in?" Shirley gasped. "You went in there already!"

"You can't prove that!"

Shirley turned to Troy and glared. He got anxious and fidgeted around while Shirley kept glaring at him. Eventually, a nervous Troy let out a squeak before confessing, "BRITTA WAS IN THERE!"

"Troy!"

"I don't do well under pressure!"

"Britta, you were in there?" Shirley's voice was a mixture of both anger and hurt.

"Yeah, and I could have stayed, but I didn't. You were right, it wasn't my place and I shouldn't have been in there. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, okay! You smarty, me dumb!"

"Did you pass out?" Abed asked.

"Truthishly, I almost did, but I stepped out and ran into Troy and he convinced me to wait with you guys. I saw nothing eventful, even though I have could have."

"I can't say I'm not a bit hurt that you got to go in there," Shirley admitted, "but I'm glad you had your epiphany and waited with us."

Britta looked confused. "I didn't have drugs, and neither did Annie."

"You got your words mixed up again."

"You confused 'epiphany' with 'epidural'," Abed told her.

This made Britta blush. "Big words confuse me sometimes."

"Especially big words that start with 'P'," Troy pointed out.

"Nobody's perfect. I'm sure I'm not the only one who messes up with words."

"Do we even need to mention her pronunciation of 'bagel'?" Abed asked.

The dean was curious. "How does she pronounce bagel?"

" _Baggle_ ," this made Craig burst into laughter. Soon, Shirley and Troy joined in. Even Abed chuckled as Britta gave them all disapproving looks.

"We all laughing at the way Britta says bagel?" a sixth voice inquired.

Britta growled. "Stay out of this, Jeff." Pretty soon she, and the others, realized his presence and crowded around him.

"Personal space, please!" He backed away as best he could with his hands up. "Sheesh, I guess I should've sent someone else to get you guys instead."

"We have a baby?"

"What's this 'we' crap?"

"Jeff!"

"If you vultures must know, yes, _Annie and I_ have a baby," there wasn't really a point in speaking after the 'yes' because high-pitched screams from everyone except Abed prevented any hearing.

"Congratulations," Abed shook Jeff's hand as the noise went down.

"Thanks Abed," Jeff waited until it got quieter to talk again. "I assume you've all bet on my kid?"

Shirley let out a delighted noise. "Listen to you Jeff, you're a Daddy."

"So I've been told."

"Can we go see her?" Britta asked.

"Can I really stop you people from doing so?"

"No," all five of them agreed.

"Alright, but if Annie says you can't come in, then you moochers go home. Come on," Jeff led the way back to the room and opened the door enough to stick his head in. "Our entourage wants in, you decent?"

"Come on in," Annie allowed.

Jeff pushed the door open and stood aside as their friends entered the room. Once the five of them all gathered around in their little mini-circle, they all let out a simultaneous "Aww".

Annie was sitting up with the baby cradled in arms. "Hi guys," she took the baby's tiny hand in hers and waved it at the crowd.

Obviously, this elicited another "Aww" from the mob.

Jeff sat on the end of the bed. "Okay people, what do you want to know?"

Abed took out the folded piece of paper. "Name, time, weight, and godparents; we can figure out physical aspects by looking." Abed tilted his head and expected the infant. "She's the perfect mix of both of you so no one makes money in looks, since she's not wearing a hat we can obviously see she's not going to be blonde," Abed was noting the brown hair that covered the top of the baby's head, "and…" he leaned in closer, "she's got Jeff's nose!"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"At least she doesn't have your forehead."

"Oh come on, it's not that big! Why do you people think my forehead is abnormally large?"

"Because it is," Britta answered back.

"You are the worst, you know that." Britta turned her nose to him.

"So did you have the New Year's Baby?" Troy inquired.

"I doubt it," Annie answered back, "but I'm so deliriously happy that I don't care if Annie Kim did give birth to the New Year's Baby anymore."

"Don't worry," Britta coyly smiled, "she didn't. I made sure of it."

"Aww, thank you."

"But for betting purposes we'd still like to know all the other stuff."

"I should be upset that you bet on my child, but I figured you would despite my feelings."

"I'm kinda bummed they didn't let me on the betting," Jeff admitted.

Annie rolled her eyes. "She was born at 1:12 in the morning and weighed seven pounds exactly."

Britta, Troy, Shirley, and Craig turned to Abed in disbelief. Abed shrugged. "Cool. Cool, cool, cool."

"Abed," a stunned Shirley started to say, "how did you predict exact time and weight? Are you like middle eastern magic eight ball?"

"I keep telling you people he's a robot," Jeff jested.

Abed shrugged. "I just guessed. When guessing time, it's not good to end it in five or zero. And honestly, I think ounces are kinda useless in weighing so I only guess pounds. Anyway, I guess I have forty-five bucks already. Now all that's left is name and godparents."

"We're not picking godparents."

"Why not?" Britta asked.

"Why should we?"

"And what's the point?" Annie questioned back. "It's not fair to make us choose between our friends. As far as I'm concerned you're all Aunts and Uncles and that's good enough, isn't it?"

"Plus you people bother us at least once a day—even if it's not in person. Why bother when you're gonna see her every day?"

"I hope 'her'," Britta air quoted the pronoun, "has a name."

"Actually," Annie looked at Jeff, who nodded back to her, "Jeff and I each got to pick out a name. Jeff ended up choosing her middle name and at his insistence, I chose a name to honor me and my mother."

"What about my name suggestion?"

"It was a nice name, but she just doesn't feel like a Violet."

"But…that's like the only name that pays tribute to both you and your mother."

"Apparently it isn't if her name's not Violet," Troy bluntly stated.

"The only other way I can think of is if she has a flower name. Oh god, you guys named her after a flower didn't you?"

"Kinda, yeah," Jeff was vague in his response.

Abed sighed. "We've had enough buildup now it's time for the reveal."

"Yeah!" Troy enthusiastically agreed. "What's her name?"

Jeff gestured for Annie to speak. "Everyone," Annie looked at her group of friends one last time before looking down at her daughter, "this is Lilly Ava Winger."

Shirley clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, that's nice."

"Lilly was the name my mother wanted to give me…"

"…and we both thought Ava was a pretty name," Jeff concluded. "I thought about Lilly Annie Winger but Annie nixed that name."

"HA!" Britta jumped in the air with delight. "I WIN!"

"Win what?"

"My original name suggestion spelled out a word, so I bet the name would spell out a word, and it does. I WIN! I WIN!"

Jeff spelled out the initials. "Holy crap it does. It spells out 'LAW'."

Abed couldn't help but let out a small laugh at that. "Ironic."

"Purely coincidental. Is it too late to pick a new name?" Annie nodded. "Bummer," Jeff was careful to watch his language.

"I like the name, really. It's the perfect way to honor both mother and grandmother and the name Ava is barely used as a middle name. Plus it's not like those stupid celebrity baby names."

"Thank you Abed," Annie thanked. "Anyway," she shifted the baby in her arms, "we wanted to give you guys an introduction before politely sending you home."

"We're not going to hold her?" Shirley asked.

"We thought maybe you guys would prefer individual visits with her before we leave the hospital in a few days. You'd get some solo time to hold and bond with her after you'd get some rest. Plus, Jeff promised his mom she'd get to spend some alone time with her granddaughter first so…"

"That's actually a pretty smart idea, Annie. I see no reason for any of us to argue with that decision." All eyes turned to Britta.

"Oh so you automatically assume I'm the one who's going to argue?" Britta argued. "I wasn't going to for all of your informations. I also happen to think that is a smart idea. It's good that we're going home; Shirley and I need to catch up on our daytime television anyway."

"Oh my Lord, you're right. Gil and Donna Chase, one of the beloved couples in Port Valley, are expecting a baby of their own on tomorrow's episode so we need to get caught up."

The dean's jaw dropped. "Since when did this happen? Oh God, I am so behind, I need to catch up myself."

"Troy and I won't be watching any daytime drama," Abed inputted, "perhaps a quiet afternoon of Kickpunching action?"

Troy sucked air through his teeth. "I dunno, I mean Gil and Donna have been trying to have a baby since season fourteen."

"Why are you people still here?" Jeff gestured for them to leave. "Go watch your stupid soaps." The five friends gave out hugs, waved goodbye, and Britta stuck her tongue out at Jeff. "And then there were three." He sat back on the bed and placed a gentle kiss atop his daughter's crown. "Daddy's really sorry he ever got involved with these crazy people."

"Jeff!" Annie reprimanded.

"What?"

Annie looked down at Lilly. "They might seem crazy, but they mean well; and they are going to love you to pieces." Lilly squirmed in her arms.

"Hey Annie, is there any way to tell if she's…you know?"

Annie looked at Jeff. "Oh Jeff, I don't know. We're just going to have to wait and see."

"But what if she-"

"Jeff, don't get yourself worked up over this—I don't want another scare with you. Just take it easy and…well, we'll cross the magic bridge when, or _if_ we come to it."

Jeff sighed. "I don't really have any other alternative do I?" Jeff looked at Lilly. "Well if you do possess magical powers then please refrain from using them in front of Gramma Winger. Understand?" Lilly made a gurgled noise and wriggled toward Annie. "I see you've inherited your parent's stubbornness."

…

"Are you sure we should do this?" Britta asked Shirley and the boys as they stood in the center of the unfinished nursery in the Winger house the same afternoon.

"I think it would be a nice surprise," Shirley answered back.

"Yeah, but why can't this room be blue? Is this gender stereotyping really necessary?"

"Shut up Britta."

Troy huffed. "Come on let's do this before Doreen comes back."

…

Doreen cooed over her granddaughter as she carefully bounced her. "Oh, you are the most precious thing ever, yes you are. I am going to spoil you rotten."

"Ugh," Jeff rolled his eyes in disgust at his mother, "I didn't think it was possible for you to get more saccharinely disgusting."

"That's because I'm a grandmother now."

"I'm really sorry about what I said earlier, Doreen," Annie apologized.

"Oh, darling you have no reason to be sorry. I completely understood. I was in labor with Jeffrey for thirty-two miserable, agonizing hours and because of the position of my tattoo I couldn't have an epidural."

"You have a tattoo?"

"She got a rainbow tattoo on her lower back at Woodstock," Jeff explained. "She wanted people to think she was a hippie back in the late 60's."

"Well, those days are over," Doreen assured.

"Thank God."

"You do realize I'll be visiting more often whether you like it or not?"

"I was afraid of that."

"I intend to play a huge part in my granddaughter's life."

"I was afraid of that too."

"And to commemorate this joyous occasion, William and I have settled a truce to be more civil with each other for the sake of our grandchild."

"Wow, that's…that's great. Thanks Mom."

"It was his idea actually. I would have gone on hating that bastard for the rest of his life but…" Doreen took a deep breath, "…well, I'm sure you get where I'm going with this." Jeff nodded. Lilly started to make a fuss so Doreen rocked the infant. "Ssh, ssh, everything's okay, Nana's here, yes," she smiled at her granddaughter. "I am so glad you're not an ugly baby."

"Mom!"

"What? Most babies are ugly little things."

Jeff looked at Annie. "Honesty has always been a defining trait of my mother's." This made Annie smile.

Doreen passed Lilly to Annie. "Well my granddaughter is the cutest baby ever. Congratulations," she gave Annie a kiss on the cheek and a side hug before going over to Jeff. "If you'd like I could take you home now so you can get some rest."

Jeff thought about that. "Actually, I'd rather stay here with my girls."

Doreen smiled and gave her son a hug. "I can't tell you how happy you've made me right now, Jeffrey," she whispered to him. "I love you so much."

"Love you too Mom." Doreen kissed his cheek, waved goodbye to the family one last time, and left.

"You really should have gone home," Annie assured him.

Jeff shrugged. "I don't know why but I don't want to leave."

"Aww."

"Ugh, when did I turn all schmaltzy?"

"Don't deny it; you like that feeling." Jeff just shrugged and went over to kiss her. He kept his lips pressed to hers until he heard the nurse clear her throat. He pulled away laughing at this while Annie bit her lip in embarrassment. "Hello again Allison."

"Hello," Allison greeted back, "I came in to take Lilly to the nursery."

"Already?"

"It's been nearly ten hours."

"Does she really have to go?"

"Only for a few hours; enough time for us to get her prints and what not and for you to get some rest."

Annie pouted her lip. "Oh alright," she placed a kiss atop Lilly's head before handing her to the nurse.

"You act as though you're never gonna see her again," Jeff commented. No sooner had he said that that Annie started crying. "What?"

"I don't like this feeling Jeff. I don't like handing my baby off to complete strangers."

"Allison's not a complete stranger; frankly, I trust her more than I trust Britta."

"I don't like being away from my baby!"

Jeff chuckled as he sat down on the bed and rubbed her back reassuringly. "Hey, it's okay; she'll be back." Annie sniffled. "And you got me," this made Annie sob even harder. "Yeah, I get that reaction a lot."

…

Shirley clapped her hands in delight when their job was done. "Oh, it's nice."

"Ugh," Britta crinkled her nose in disgust. "Is there a such thing as too much pink?"

"We got some purple too," Troy pointed. "Do you think they'll like what we've done?"

"I think we should test it first," Abed tilted his hands as the sounds of Conway Twitty were heard. "Let's see what Doreen thinks?" He led the others downstairs. "Hello Doreen."

Doreen jumped up in fright. "Geez Abed, warn a person before you sneak up on them." She noticed the others. "Wait, what are you all doing here?"

"We thought it'd be a nice surprise if we finished the nursery for Jeff and Annie."

"So that's why you broke in?"

"We have keys. Anyway, we need an outsider's opinion. Follow us." Abed led the way again as Doreen followed him. He stepped aside the open door and gestured for her to go in. "What do you think?"

Doreen stepped in the room and looked around for a moment or two before shrugging. "Could be worse."

"She likes it," Abed noted.

…

"Knock, knock," the door to their room opened. "Psst, Tango."

Jeff stirred from his light sleep. "Mark? What the hell-"

"Ted said you had a heart attack."

"I did not have a frickin' heart attack."

"Anywho, I came to check on you and they asked if the Winger I wanted was the one in maternity. Congrats, Papa Winger."

"Thanks, now can you leave before you wake my wife?"

"What, I can't see the little bundle of joy?"

"Will you leave if you do?" Mark nodded. With a groan, Jeff got up. "Follow me," he led the way to the nursery window.

"So which one is it?"

"Gee I don't know," Jeff said this sarcastically before he actually looked through the window. "Holy crap, I really don't know."

"Yeah, all babies look the same to me. Should I look for a pink hat or a blue hat?"

"How about the one in the bassinet labeled 'Winger'," a gruff voice from behind asked them. Jeff turned around to see William leaning against the wall carrying a purple gift bag.

Mark, meanwhile, looked for the label. "Valentine, Wagner, Wells, ah Winger," Mark looked at the particular infant. "I'd like to say she's cute, but then again all babies look the same to me. Blonde or brunette?"

"Does it matter?"

"Office pool."

"Right, everyone gets to bet on my kid but me. Brunette."

"Damn. Can I take a pic with my phone?"

"Whatever floats your boat."

Mark got out his phone and took a picture. Zooming in, Mark realized a distinguishing feature. "Oh hey, she has your pointy nose."

"Okay you saw her, you can leave now."

"Congrats again Tango," Mark left.

Jeff, however, stayed. "Nice to see you again, William."

"Jeffrey," William moved closer to his son. "So they still take the kids to the nursery, huh?"

"Guess so." They stood there in awkward silence. "I guess you came to see the baby?"

"Well she is my granddaughter."

"Yeah but, honestly, I didn't think you'd care."

"I can see how you'd think that." William paused. "I honestly came because I thought this would be the last time I would see my granddaughter."

Jeff didn't look at his father. "I can see how you'd think that."

"Bought myself a camera and a gift for the baby; I was gonna ask a nurse to give it to you."

"That's really thoughtful of you I guess."

William took a deep breath. "This reminds me of when I first saw you."

"Through a plate glass window?"

"Ye-ep."

"You weren't in there with Mom?"

"This hospital had some retarded policy that wouldn't allow me to go in with her unless I had one of them…Lamaze cards—times were different then. Spent about two days sittin' in the waitin' room worrying like crazy, desperately wanting a drink, didn't get any sleep."

"That sucks."

"It was supposed to be all worth it when this nurse all dressed in scrubs came to get me. She led me to this nursery window, but I didn't know what it was at the time because she turned me away so I couldn't see. She told me to keep looking at the wall. I had no idea where I was or what was going on, so I just stared at the wall thinking the worst—keep in mind you were two weeks early."

"Mom mentioned that."

"So thirty seconds later, I hear this tapping and I turn around and the first thing through the window I see is a nurse holdin' a blue blanket. She moves the blanket away from your face so I can get a good look at ya."

"That was the first time you saw me?"

"Then she carries you out of the nursery and hands you to me and I stand there holding you. First thing you do is scream," Jeff let out a small laugh at that, "in a panic I give you back to the nurse convinced that I already failed you as a father."

"You failed when you left."

"Don't think I don't have any regret for that. You are my son, and I do love ya; but I can't help but think that maybe by leaving, I did something right." Jeff fought the urge to argue back. "Anyway, I thought I'd get some snapshots of…" William looked at the card in the bassinet, "she ain't got a name yet?"

"Her name is Lilly."

"Lilly?" William looked at his granddaughter. "They should've put that on the card. I like it; she looks like a Lilly," he got another look at her. "Heh, I guess she does have your nose."

"Don't remind me."

William handed the bag to Jeff. "Like I said, I got her a present. Saw it at my pharmacy, thought it was cute. Oh, and there's a thank you gift in there for that annoying blonde."

"Really? What do you want to thank her for?"

"I wanted to get rid of that damn cat your brother found. He bitched a fit about keeping it and I gave in. The next day Blondie shows up saying that's her cat and she wants him back. Willy Jr begs to keep it. I get irritated, and go for a scotch when she tells me to go to your place so she can 'therapize' Willy. I tell her no, but she keeps pestering me to go until I give in. I come back and she says they made a breakthrough."

"Doubt it."

"She decided him keeping that damn cat was a good thing. I said I don't want that thing in my house and then Willy said he'd take the cat and move out. It's about damn time. He kept saying he'd move out since 2003 and now he actually is. I got her a thank you card with some cash."

"You want to reward her for getting your son to leave you? Wow, you have got to be the worst father ever." William shrugged. "But that doesn't mean you'd be a terrible grandfather."

William looked at Jeff confused. "You want me to be a part of this kid's life?"

"You basically confirmed you're a shitty father, but you've already done your damage." Jeff pointed to his daughter. "That little girl right there, she's going to depend on me the way I did for you. Unlike you, I'm not gonna leave her. I'm gonna be there through all the boring crap, the terrible twos, the awkward, rebellious, moody teenage year—and God I hope that takes forever to get to. I am going to be there for her the way the way you should have been there for me. Despite what you did, you actually taught me how _not_ to be a parent and I don't think I can thank you enough for that. I figured you can't do any more damage and maybe I can repay you for that lesson by letting you interact with me and your granddaughter and see what it's like to be a real father."

"You always did like giving them stupid speeches."

Jeff sighed. "And you always were an unbelievable bastard."

"But for what it's worth I am proud of you," William awkwardly hugged Jeff. "Congratulations, son," and he left without saying another word.

A hint of a smile was barely there on Jeff's face as he went back to the hospital room. "Hey," he greeted when he saw Annie barely awake.

She let out a massive yawn before talking back. "Hey. Where'd you go?"

"I uh…I just stepped out to have a chat with my dad."

"How'd it go?"

"Exactly as I expected," he took a spot on the bed. "He got his granddaughter a present."

"Well that was nice of him. What did he get her?" Annie watched as Jeff pulled out a plush Fluttershy toy. "Oh, he got her a pony; that's so cute."

"Are you serious? William sold out; this is one of those creepily annoying ponies from that _My Little Pony_ show," he examined the toy. "Is it supposed to have butterflies on its ass?"

Annie took the stuffed animal from him. "I still think it's cute; it makes a good very first birthday present for Lilly."

"Well it could've been worse; he could've got the lesbian pony."

"I highly doubt there's a lesbian pony on a little girl's show."

"Grown men watch that show more often than little girls; I wouldn't be that surprised if the rainbow pony was a lesbian." Annie rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, I guess that was nice of him. I'm just surprised Mom didn't beat him to it."

…

"That should do it," Doreen finished arranging the many toys she had recently purchased for her new granddaughter the day before.

"Wow," Craig eyed her work. "I don't think I've ever had that many toys in my life."

"I just want Little Lilly to know that her grandmother loves her and is going to spoil her rotten." Doreen smiled. "I can't tell you how happy I am that my son had a daughter. I've always wanted a daughter myself, but after Jeffrey's birth the doctor said it wouldn't be a good idea to have any more children."

The dean stepped closer to her. "So you're infertile?"

"I won't sleep with you on the first date, Craig." Doreen could have sworn she heard him moan. "Why don't you go check on their progress downstairs and I'll sort her clothes?"

"Can dean," he whistled as he headed downstairs.

Doreen gave him a confused look as he strutted away and asked herself, "Why does he do that 'dean' thing?"

Meanwhile downstairs, Shirley had finished laying out snacks, Troy and Abed finished blowing up balloons, and Britta finished hanging up a banner (with magic of course). "Ooh la, la," Craig observed his surroundings. "I like what you've done with the place. Love all the pink." Britta rolled her eyes at this. "Be honest," he twirled around, "does this outfit make me look fat?"

"You look nice," Shirley smiled. "I think this is the first time I've ever seen you in a suit, Craig."

"I had the perfect costume for this occasion, but it's been a while since I've been on a date and I don't want to do or say anything taboo."

"You're going on a date with Jeff's mom?" Britta made a face of disgust. "That woman's gotta be like seventy or something."

"I didn't ask. Besides, a lady never reveals her age."

"What, women aren't honest?"

"Okay be honest, exactly how old are you?"

"I dunno; I'm at least in the three hundreds or so."

"I tell people she just turned thirty-one," Troy noted. "It's more normal."

"Really? I'd say she's at least thirty-six."

"The hell I am!" Britta objected.

The sound of a car electronically locking suddenly got Shirley very excited. "Ooh, they're home." She beckoned for everyone to stand in a crowded stance by the front door. "Remember, the baby might be sleeping so don't be too loud when we say-"

"Surprise," Shirley was cut off by two simultaneous voices from behind her. The surprise was on them. Making their way into the living room, having entered through the back door, were Jeff, Annie (carrying the plush Fluttershy toy), and—by no choice of her own—a sleepy Lilly, who was being carried in her car seat by her proud papa.

Shirley and Britta scowled at Jeff knowing it was his idea. "Sorry," this was Jeff's way of confirming it was his idea, "we thought it would be crowded at the front."

"Wow," Annie seemed impressed with their decorating, "I'm impressed; nice job on the decorations."

Jeff looked amongst the group. "It looks as though you've people scared my mother off—I guess that means you're of some use."

Britta folded her arms at him. "For your information, your mother is upstairs waiting for you."

"Figures; Ma always looks for some excuse to overstay her welcome. Let me guess: you guys finished the nursery and Doreen's waiting upstairs to take the credit and show off all the things she bought for her grandchild?"

"Only one way to find out," Britta stepped aside and gestured for him to go upstairs.

"Why do I feel like this is some kind of trick?"

"It's not."

"Reassuring words from the witch who made me pregnant."

Britta groaned in exasperation. "I only gave you pregnancy symptoms! You were never really pregnant. Mother Nature would be so cruel to let Jeff Winger reproduce." Obviously Jeff wasn't the only one to give Britta a confused look at that last statement. "Just go upstairs."

"Go eat a _baggle_ ," this remark resulted in snickering at Britta's expense. "Come on Annie, let's go survey the damage."

"Ignore him," Annie addressed her friends, "he's just a little cranky because he's been given a set of rules as a result of his heart palpitations and high blood pressure."

Shirley started to follow Annie. "Annie, sweetie, are you sure you don't need any help upstairs?"

"No thank you Shirley."

"But Annie you just-"

"Had a baby? I know you think I'm supposed to be completely sore, but I'm not." Annie made her way up the stairs before quickly turning around. "Okay and maybe a little magic helped ease the soreness."

…

"It's actually not that bad," Jeff surveyed the room as Doreen held her granddaughter. "I'm surprised Britta agreed to this much pink." He noticed the giant arrangement of stuffed animals. "I think it's safe to say we're covered in the toy department."

"Oh Jeffrey, don't be such a killjoy," Doreen admonished him.

"I never had this many toys when I was younger. I guess this means you love my child more than your own."

"At this moment, yes."

Annie gasped as she entered the room. "Oh my gosh," a few happy tears escaped her. "I love this!" She noticed the toys. "Ooh, these animals are so adorable."

"I'm glad someone appreciates them. Take note of this Jeffrey: if by some reason you two divorce I'm taking her side." Jeff just rolled his eyes at that. "Well I'll get out of your hair," she passed Lilly to her mother.

"You're not going to stay with our friends?"

"I'm not in much of a party mood; and I doubt you two are either. I just wanted to be here to witness my grandchild's homecoming, wish you both the best, and give you some time to yourselves as a new family. I can try and get rid of your friends if you'd like."

"Very much please," Jeff agreed to that.

"At least keep the decorations up for their sake. I'm sure they worked hard."

"With Britta, it probably was a snap," Annie couldn't help but laugh to herself at that.

Doreen just raised her eyebrow to that with some confusion. "Alrighty then; I'll give your friends Das Boot."

"Nice use of movie puns Mom."

"Your movie loving friend taught me that one," Doreen left.

Annie smiled. "I like your mom."

"That makes one of us," Jeff quipped. He turned to see Annie sigh. "You okay?"

"Yeah I just…I just wish that I had a mother to share this moment with."

"I know this sounds incredibly cliché coming from me of all people, but your mom is here with you. It can be the spiritual sense, or she can be with you in your heart, but trust me when I say she's here with you."

"Oh Jeff, that's so sweet."

"And just think: sometime down the road—hopefully not for another thirty or so years—you'll be able to share this moment with your daughter."

"Listen to you, talking like a father now."

"Newsflash," Jeff took Lilly from Annie, "I _am_ a father now."

"How does it feel being a daddy?"

"I don't think I can put it in words," Jeff looked down at his child, "but it's probably one of the greatest feelings in the world."

"Did you ever think you'd be a father?"

"It crossed my mind a few times, but then I'd blow it off because I couldn't see myself having a family with any woman before." Jeff looked up at Annie. "Until I met you." Annie tried to keep herself from crying. "I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. Much like describing fatherhood, I don't think words can describe how much I love you."

Annie put her hand over her chest and swooned. "Aww."

Lilly's response was more of a yawn however. This massive yawn got her parent's attention. "Sheesh, are you bored with me already?" Lilly made a muffled sound. "Alright, I can take a hint," Annie laughed at this as Jeff laid her into her crib and tucked her in with a yellow blanket Britta had knit. "Do I really have to use this Britta blanket?"

"Jeff!"

"It's just so ugly."

"She made it herself without magic. She told us about this on her solo visit. Weren't you listening?"

"Did you not notice the headphones in my ears?" Annie gave him an icy stare. "Hey, I wasn't aware that Laverne and Shirley—and eventually Lenny and Squiggy—were a package deal when we got together."

"You love them, admit it."

"No; but I will admit I've grown _accustomed_ to them being around all the time. That is the closest you're going to get."

Annie couldn't help but chuckle to herself as she went over to her husband and embraced him. "I suppose it will do."

"But if I didn't deal with them then I wouldn't have you and that would suck."

"Aw, thank you," she gave him a quick peck.

"How long do we have to wait until we can do it again?"

"Jeff!" she swatted at him.

"What? I'm a guy!"

"Oh, honestly."

"That's kind of a compliment."

"I guess it is in a twisted sort of way. I appreciate the point you were trying to get across." They didn't say anything for a moment and just stared at their sleeping infant. "Who do you think she looks most like?"

"Can't tell; but I'm glad she's not as ugly as Annie Kim's kid."

"Oh my God, he doesn't even look human."

"Did you see that kid's schnoze? God I hope we never see that kid until he has plastic surgery. He has a face not even a mother would love." Annie laughed at that. "See our daughter is fortunate that both of her parents are attractive."

"I suppose so," they both went back to watching Lilly sleep before Annie broke the silence again. "I wish I could fall asleep that quickly."

"You could if you used magic."

"I meant naturally."

"I doubt anyone could fall asleep so quickly without magic. Annie, you don't think Lilly used magic to-"

"No, I do not."

"And you can be sure _how_?"

"Because I'm her mother…and because she's been wide awake for the past six hours—she needs her beauty sleep." She watched as Jeff yawned. "And apparently, so do you."

"It would be nice to sleep in my bed again."

"Come on," Annie held out her hand for him to take.

"Hold on," Jeff picked up the Fluttershy toy Annie had set down and set it in Lilly's crib. "I don't think she should sleep alone."

Annie bent down and gave her daughter and gentle kiss on her head. "Sweet dreams baby girl; Mommy and Daddy love you." This time Jeff was the one who was smiling as he took Annie's hand and headed for their bedroom…

…just as Doreen was coming out of the guest room in a short black dress. "Mom?"

"Oh hello you two," Doreen was also putting on a pair of earrings as she came of the room. "I managed to convince the gang to split."

"What in the hell are you wearing?"

"It's called a dress, Jeffrey. I brought this on the off chance I got invited to a classy New Year's Party. I wanted to put it to some use so I decided to wear this on my date."

"Date? You have a date?"

"What? Grandmas can't have a little fun? I'll be back whenever." She headed downstairs. "I'm coming, Craig!"

"Oh God, no!"

Annie stopped him from going further. "Let her have a little fun."

"Normally I would but it's the person she would be having a little fun with."

"Jeff, it's Dean Craig Pelton? He's a flamboyant man with a bigger wardrobe than the two of us combined."

"But it's someone I know! And I don't think it's fair that my mother has a higher chance of sex than I do," Jeff shuddered. "Oh God, the thought of my mom getting it on is enough to kill a mood."

"Okay, you definitely need some sleep."

"Can you use your magic to make sure that mental image of my mother getting freaky doesn't pop up in my dreams?"

"We won't be able to do anything but," Annie gave him a seductive look as she started unbuttoning her shirt, "how about I put a new mental image in your head?"

"Oh my God, you have no idea how much I love you right now."

Annie giggled and gave him another quick smooch. "I think I can guess. Oh, and I love you too."

…

"I can't believe Jeff has a baby," Troy commentated as he and Abed tried to watch _Inspector Spacetime_.

"I can," Abed bluntly stated. "It's inevitable that Jeff eventually have a child at some point in his life be it wanted or unwanted. In this case I'm glad it was wanted."

"Yeah 'cause now we're uncles."

Troy and Abed knew what was coming next as they stared at each other and in sync chanted, "Uncle Troy and Uncle Abed."


End file.
